Gearing Up for FET#1

I called our financial coordinator today to make sure all bills/copays/etc. were paid up and ready to go since my baseline appointment is late next week. I got some good news, I think. I expected to have a bill for about $400 to cover my storage for my embryos and 3 copays for office visits I hadn't yet received a bill for. I also expected to have a $1000 copay. When I talked to her yesterday she said she only saw that I owed $530 (obviously doesn't match any of my numbers right?) and she didn't want to take any money for things I may not actually owe. Go figure, neither of us could get through yesterday or today to the billing department to get things sorted out. How can a very reputable fertility clinic like this one get away with NO ONE answering their phones in the billing department for two days straight? Anyway, I digress.

So I did catch up with her late today and we owe the $405, and supposedly we only owe $530 for the thawing of our embryos because our insurance doesn't cover that. I think it's odd that they will cover the cryopreservation, but not the thawing, however, the first is ALOT more expensive, so I'll take it. So, no copay is due which means we saved a little money and that is great news! The other great news is that if for some reason we run out of embryos or they have to thaw more than the initial two embryos to get a total of two to put back and we don't store any after this cycle, our storage fee will be refunded. So that's awesome. She, for some strange reason, thought we were putting back all of our embryos. For a second I thought, hmmm, not a bad idea. And then I realized it's a REALLY bad idea. HELLO JEN! I may not get pregnant putting two back at a time, but if I put 4 back at once, I'd be pregnant with at least 4 babies-that is my luck people. I'll take my chances with two at a time. I wouldn't want a pregnancy that might cost me the babies I've prayed for, nor do I want it to possibly cost me my own life.

In other news, I dropped everything off for my first consignment sale today and I'm excited. They have over 70,000 items registered for sale, and over 500 consignors and they said that this is the largest sale they have ever had. The place is huge, and admittedly, I felt overwhelmed volunteering there today. I am volunteering again tomorrow, but the only other sale I've volunteered at I thought was pure madness when they open their doors, and I have a funny feeling I haven't seen anything yet. My big item that I took today was my bike trailer, and I already had another volunteer oogling over it, so I hope it goes and I don't have to take it back home. The only other big thing I took (size wise) was a plastic desk and chair set I had bought for Jack and I don't think I'll be bringing that back home either. Everything else was smaller toys, toy sets, and clothes/shoes, etc. I'm hoping I sell most of it, and if not, they're having another sale late July!

My baseline appointment is supposed to be next Thursday or Friday and I'm really looking forward to that simply because I have no idea when I'm supposed to start the estrogen and progesterone injections and I'm ready for answers on that.

Oh yeah, just a little snapshot or two of what else has been keeping our family busy since Sunday and will continue to keep us busy through at least the middle of next week...


Bumble, a very shy little 8 week old girl who loves her brother, but isn't so sure she likes people yet. We're working on forcing this on her since she WILL NOT come to us on her own.


Bonkers, her brother was very shy on night one, but he will come to us now, and has decided people are kind of nice. He plays like crazy, and Bonkers is a very suitable name for him. He cracks me up because when he tries to play now, he pounces like a cat.

NO we are not keeping these puppies. We foster for our state's SPCA and mainly we take puppies or younger dogs who need socialization or just some TLC-some are severely emaciated, some are very shy, and some just need to learn that humans are ok. Between the sale and these two, I should be kept pretty busy until my appointment next week. :-)

Not Much To Tell

There's not too much going on in my part of the blogosphere, hence, the lack of posts. I remain on BCP's, and will for about another week. Wow, to be honest, I kept April 10th in my mind as the last day for my pill, but it's just now that I realized that it's only a week away. I guess that is when this proverbial show will start. I'm so glad to know that it's only a week left. I have had breakthrough bleeding most of my time on the pills this time around, and I'm ready for that to be done.

I can't say that I feel optimistic about this cycle, but I do still have hope that things will work for us. I made a big decision, but you'll probably laugh. I decided to let go of some of Jack's old things and sell them. Not the baby gear like crib, strollers, carseats (the ones that aren't expired), carriers, etc., but like some of his old clothes, toys he wasn't into, an awesome bike trailer meant to pull two kids behind us that we used once, etc.

I have 137 things listed for sale at a consignment sale next week in our area, and I'm hoping this will go into replacing the car funds we had set aside for Archie that we had to tap into for this FET. I did secretly think to myself that maybe getting rid of some of this stuff would push us into the good luck side. You know, "get rid of everything and THEN you'll get pregnant" type deal. Just like it should have been when we bought our house-I heard this comment "First get the house, then the kids will come." Right, that worked out beautifully without the major interventions thanks to modern science.

I'm afraid to sell everything including "the big stuff", but I also feel like I can't just keep my house cluttered with things we may never use again either. And on the flip side of that, if we ended up pregnant with twins next year, I guess we'd find ourselves up a creek without a paddle instead of a little ahead of the game with having to buy two sets of cribs, sheets, carseats, etc. It's a hard decision to make, but I feel like I've made progress by getting rid of some things. That said, I did do this logically-I didn't just grab all of his old Spring/Summer clothes and start labeling them for sale. I saved a few staples in case there ever is another little boy-jean shorts, khaki shorts, button down shirts, and I saved almost all of Jack's old Gymbo clothes since I LOVE Gymboree stuff, and I'm just not ready to part with that, you know..."in case".

I thought I was going to have a meltdown getting rid of Jack's old infant carseat. It was like a battle of my senses at the time with the one part of my brain saying, "I can't believe you're getting rid of it." The other side saying, "For real? Are you kidding me? What are you going to do with it, keep it until he's grown?" It expires in May of this year (they're only good for 5 years, base too) and well, there was no shot that I or anyone else would be able to use it again. I wish I could have kept it, but why? For purely sentimental reasons obviously. Archie told me I could keep part of it-"keep something like a screw from it or something" which just wasn't going to cut it for me, although I did think about cutting some of the fabric from it, but I just wanted to take it to the dump with our old dresser and be done with worrying about it. It matches a stroller I have (which made me wonder if we have another kid, will anyone make fun of me for pushing around a mismatched stroller/carseat combo?), so I guess if all else fails, I'll cut a piece of the stroller fabric before I get rid of that. I don't know.

I don't expect that getting rid of some cute clothes, toys, and sports equipment will magically get us pregnant. I do continue to pray for another miracle. And if it doesn't happen, well, we have more room to store things, and when the fall comes, I may just sell everything. We MAY have two embryos left at that point (if the first two survive the thawing process) and plan to do another cycle when we get our taxes back next year, but I feel like I lose more hope each time a cycle fails, and I just don't know where my head and heart will be if this cycle is unsuccessful. As it is, I've already found myself being afraid to even go to a friend's wife's baby shower. I don't really know her anyway, just what my friend has told me about her. It's a reminder for me of what I can't have, and as selfish and shallow as it sounds, I'm just not in a place where I feel like I can be as supportive as I'd like to be, and for that reason I feel like it's best for me and them if I don't go.

So for now, I continue to pray, and continue to hope for our second miracle. Hopefully I'll talk to my nurse in the next week and have a date set up for my baseline appointment which should probably be late next week. Hope you all have a great week!