FET Dates Update

I spoke with my nurse the other day regarding when they expect I will start on "fertility drugs" since my copay will be due 10 days prior. As it turns out, my estimation of date for transfer is incorrect. It will be later. More of a wait (God is now testing my patience to see how that is developing).

According to my nurse, here is my tentative plan. Take the BCP's for a little over 3 weeks with the last pill being around April 10th. My baseline appointment will be around the 14th or 15th. My last appointment should be April 28th-ish. And transfer is tentatively scheduled for May 6th. I'm actually not upset with the date being pushed back. The reason for that is because I work literally almost every single weekend (Fri, Sat, Sun), either all of it, or part of it. This means it's not exactly ideal to find a switch, or to have the whole weekend for "bedrest" with my butt up on a pillow hoping one or both of those embryos will implant.

I'm scheduled to work May 6th, but currently working on finding a switch, and I'm scheduled off that weekend. I think we'll be renting alot of movies.

Of course, I've been on the pill for a week now and I hate it. I'm trying to be good and at least keep from gaining a few more pounds with all of the drugs and emotions, however, the stinking pill makes me so hungry. I'm loading up on fruits, and veggies, but I have to really be careful because the other day I sat down with a bag of cheese curls and before I knew it, 3/4 of the bag was gone. I can't do that or I'll be as big as a house by the time I'm done. I can't wait to be off the pill and onto the next step (aka shot)!

Postponed...Again (edited)

I have no idea why. I also have no idea why the nurse would call my home phone, say she was going to call my cell and yet 20 minutes later I still haven't heard from her. I called her back like she asked me to, and it goes to voicemail. I have no idea why it's postponed or what's going on with these potential babies. She better call me back soon because my heart can't take this torment!!!

***edited to add***
I did finally talk to her. I have to say I'm a little disappointed that it didn't happen today. It's just hard to maintain the excitement when everyday they're calling you and you're not sure if they're calling to say that the embryos are doing well and transfer will be the next day now, or if they're calling to say the embryos fizzled out and your cycle is cancelled. It has been a hell of a roller coaster, and many are riding it with me, but I think my mom may be riding it the most with me. She calls me in anticipation, gets as upset/excited as I do and questions as much as I do.

She called me this morning on my way home wanting to know if I'd heard anything, and of course I hadn't because little did I know, the nurse had called my home phone and left a message there, but when my phone rang my heart jumped into my throat yet again, and I was half upset to see it was my mom calling (just because the darn phone rang and that couldn't be a good thing the morning you want to transfer), but half ecstatic that it wasn't the lab! It's just rough.

And I wasn't feeling this nurse. It's not my regular one, she's off today, and this nurse didn't give me numbers and to be honest, I just wanted to know what time I had to be there tomorrow and get off the phone with this bearer of bad news (in the fact that I was being postponed yet AGAIN). All I know at this point is that we have "a few" at the early blast stage, "quite a few at the morula stage", and one 9 cell. No word on quality (I think the blast ones might be hard to judge at this stage), or exact numbers. My transfer is tomorrow morning at 11:15, and this is the final time. I asked the nurse are they sure none will cease before tomorrow or stop growing, and she said that's never a guarantee, but that I definitely have enough that some will be transferred tomorrow. They better hope they're right!

My mom was upset with me for not knowing why they couldn't tell which ones would be best today if we already had some in early blast stage. My mind was reeling and I couldn't explain it, but here is why I think that. In my boredom last night, I found this site that talks about it. If you scroll down to where they talk about the grading system, beneath that they show you and you can see that they can't grade the early blastocysts. I know that it's important to put back the best ones and that this is why they need another day to be able to let them declare themselves, it's just hard to accept that I have to wait yet another day, and hope and pray that they'll be ok until transfer tomorrow.

And now we're back to putting my trust in the lab that does this all the time, and putting my trust in God that He will protect my itty bitty babies growing in a lab until tomorrow. I have to trust that He wants the best for us as well, and what he wants for us is what will be. Please pray for us tonight that our embryos continue to develop. Please pray for us tomorrow that transfer goes well. I likely will not update until after my transfer tomorrow as I AM NOT expecting a call in the morning unless something goes wrong. Therefore, I won't be able to tell you how they are doing, what they look like or anything until after my transfer. And I may be a bit delayed in that, because I will likely get little pictures of my embryos before they go back, and as I did when we did our first cycle, I scanned them at Kinkos and when we got pregnant I emailed them out that one of those embryos was our baby. This time I will post tomorrow that hopefully one of those embryos will become a healthy baby for us, sibling for Jack, neice/nephew for Aunt Holly, and grandchild for Grandmom, Mamala, and Papalo.

Wide Awake

Ok, so I'm awake because I'm working, but that's just a minor detail. I'm relatively sure that if I was laying in bed at home right now, that I'd be awake or at least tossing and turning with anticipation. I figure I'll get a call around 8am today to tell me they're pushing be back to tomorrow for transfer, mainly because it would be convenient for me for them to do the transfer today, and obviously, my life doesn't work that way (nothing ever just goes smoothly, LOL).

So I'm trying some breathing excercises to calm myself, you know, in case it actually does happen today. I'm trying to psych myself up (without caffeine) for staying awake after I get off work today to get Jack home to my friends (grandmom/daughter-in-law type deal-one is watching Jack who has had a fever since Saturday, and the other is watching the first friend's children while I'm getting my transfer), Archie getting home on time so we can head up for my transfer, and then of course staying awake until I get home and can crash in the bed or sofa for the rest of the day.

I was reading this on my clinic's website, and I cannot believe that either if our embryos are transferred back today, they could start implanting as early as tomorrow! That is insane! Even more insane is the fact that if they waited until tomorrow to transfer back, we could be having a baby(ies) implant tomorrow or the next few days!

I'm truly excited. If I step back and look at the situation, it makes me nervous to be excited because it's not a given, but I've had such an outpouring of support, wonderful friends and family keeping me pumped up and pushing through the tough times, and a stronger faith in God than I have ever had before, and I feel more relaxed this cycle than I have any other previous one and I'm just amazed. I don't know if it's the new clinic, the stronger faith in the Lord, a combination or what, but this is the BEST cycle we've ever had. We are so blessed and lucky for this. I never expected it. Dr. M told us two years ago with our last cycle that he was amazed at how much my egg quality had declined in just 3 years (from our first cycle). I wasn't even 30 yet. That was pretty hard to hear. So you can imagine my shock when this cycle has not only gone well, but we've got more embryos, better quality embryos, and we still have some at this point. This is the furthest we've ever made it. I am so grateful.

Transfer Update #2

I have 5 at the morula stage (right before the become blastocysts), 5 that are 9 celled, and 2 that are 8 celled. Transfer is scheduled for 9:45 tomorrow morning, so I have to be there by 8:30am. They will call me by 8 if they are pushing me back to Wednesday, and Wednesday is the furthest they can go, so I will have to be transferred by Wednesday at the latest.

I'm praying for transfer tomorrow. I don't have to work tomorrow night, and I can rest until Wednesday night. If they transfer me Wednesday night then it's another 12 hours I lose that I could be putting toward maternity leave.

Transfer Update

We still have 12 embryos, five 8 cell, four 7 cell, one 6 cell, and two 5 cell all good quality. We're being pushed back to Tuesday for transfer which scares the heck out of me because we've never had anything make it that far before. Hopefully by Tuesday we'll still have at least two good ones to put back, maybe more to freeze, but to be honest, I'll just be happy to have anything to put back.

My mom asked why they would want to day 5, and I explained that they have higher rates of success with blastocyst transfer (and blastocyst should be where they are by Tuesday), and they can pick the better quality ones and possibly put back fewer. So what is a blastocyst? Here is what a site called Advanced Fertility says:

Definition of a blastocyst
•An embryo that has developed for five to seven days after fertilization and has 2 distinct cell types and a central cavity filled with fluid (blastocoel cavity).
•The cells in a blastocyst have just started to differentiate.
•The surface cells that surround the cavity (just under the outer shell) are called the trophectoderm and will later develop into the placenta.
•A more centrally located group of cells - the inner cell mass, will become the fetus.
It is thought that at the point of blastocyst stage (day 5-7) the embryos can be looked at to determine which would most be most competent and thus have the best chances of becoming a viable pregnancy.

I'm trying to take deep breaths and trust in these people that do it every day to make that judgement call on my embryos. I prayed last night and again this morning before the phone call that God would provide for us and that if a day 3 transfer was meant to be it would, and the same for a day 5, so I have to trust in Him as well to watch over our embies, and give me peace, and I guess if our embies fizzle out by Tuesday then that was how this was meant to be and we will be done trying (at least until maybe another opportunity presents itself).

Day 2 Post Retrieval

My nurse called me at 7:50 this AM to let me know that we still have 12 embryos. All are between 2 and 5 cells which is normal for this point in development. My transfer is scheduled for 9:30AM tomorrow, and I have to be there with a partially full bladder and more to drink by 8:30. If they decide to cancel my transfer for tomorrow and postpone it to Tuesday, I should know by 7:30. To be honest, I'm really hoping for a transfer tomorrow. I think I'd just feel better knowing that they are where they belong to grow best.

I'm taking Estrace twice a day, and endometrin suppositories 3x/day. They aren't as bad as I thought they'd be.

I'm tired, not sure if that is because of the night I had, or if it's the progesterone starting to kick in, or a combo of both. Our greyhound had his first seizure (that we're aware of) at 3:30 this morning. It scared me half to death, he flew out of our bed, stumbled around before smacking into our closet door with his head, then laid down and was staring into space. It only lasted all of a few minutes, but I felt helpless to just sit there, pet him, and talk calmly to him. I called our greyhound guru in our group and she said that the e-vet wouldn't do anything for him anyway besides run bloodwork at this point, and unless they're having more than one seizure a month, they don't usually treat it. She said it's ok to wait until Monday to call the vet and get a regular appointment with them.

Then at 4:30, Jack called me into his room and said, "I wanted to tell you I love you and I miss you, but my nose is stuffed up and I keep blowing it." So I had him give it another good blow, have some water, and went to bend down and kiss him and he was burning up. I got the thermometer to check him out, and his temp was 104.5. And, of course, I threw out the tylenol a couple of months ago because it was expired and forgot to pick more up. Luckily, Archie was home so I went to Walgreens to pick some up. He complained that his arm and his legs hurt, and his tummy felt "crunchy" and when I asked what that meant he said, "It means it's going to explode." Great. His temp when I called the pediatrician at 2:45pm was 103.9, two hours after his last dose of tylenol. We're now rotating tylenol with motrin and his temp is down to 100.9. We'll take it. She said they are seeing alot of influenza (yes, he got the flu shot) this year and it sounds like what he has. If he still has a fever he'll be seen on Monday AM.

I had an acupuncture appointment at 8am today for my pre-transfer, and I'll see her either tomorrow (on her normal day off-she's awesome!) right after my transfer, or on Tuesday right after.

I don't pray for a baby with Jack after our last cycle (I ask Him to protect us, and continue to provide for us in ways that only He can), but last night as we said our prayers together, he said he wanted to ask God for something and I told him he could. He asked God for a baby, either a brother or a sister and told God he would take either one. I just thought that was sweet. He's obviously been with me to the doctor's alot throughout this because it's appointments every other day, usually right as we're leaving from my work. The other day as I dropped him off at school and told him to have a great day, his response was, "Have a great day at the doctor's!" I think he was just happy not to have to go that day, who could blame him?

I continue to have alot of support all the way around, and I can't tell you how much it means to me. Thank you for the continued prayers and support. If you wouldn't mind adding to your prayers that I don't get the flu from little man while we're in this TWW, that would be great.

Fertilization Report

First, let me tell you that I haven't had any more of the issues where I almost pass out. Yay! I am still very tender with pain wrapping from my abdomen around to my back, and what feels like trapped air in my diaphragm and shoulders. I thought the trapped air was odd as it's not like I had an ex-lap for retrieval, so I called the doc yesterday evening and he said it's abnormal, but not unheard of, just rest. So when I talked to my nurse this morning and was still having some of that pain (it's not as bad as it was last night when I almost ripped the countertop out of the wall in our bathroom-it felt like around AF with my endometriosis), she suggested I just rest and if I could not work tonight, that would be best. We've had too many people staffing at work right now and people were getting floated, so I made the decision to call out. I will lose 12 hours of time, but I'm not worried about it if it means that I'll feel better come transfer day.

Which leads me to my next bit of news. For a little bit of history, when we did IVF #1, we had 18 eggs, 11 were mature enough for ICSI, and 8 fertilized, none made it to day 5, so we had a 3 day transfer, and had Jack 9 months later. IVF #2, we had 9 eggs, 6 were mature enough for ICSI, and 3 fertilized-all abnormal with multiple nuclei and we did not transfer any back. IVF #3 gave us 20 eggs as you guys read yesterday, 15 were mature enough for ICSI, and 12 fertilized!!!!!!!!! This is the best we've ever had!

My transfer is tentatively scheduled for Sunday morning. They won't know for sure until this afternoon how many retrievals they will have for Sunday AM, and the transfers are always after the retrievals, so not sure what time yet, I'll know more tomorrow. The thing is that the lab at this clinic comes in and looks at the embryos on Sunday morning and emails reports to the nurse between 7-7:30AM, and that is when we'll be called to be told if our retrieval will be postponed until Tuesday. We've never had anything make it to day 5 for freezing, so I can't imagine they'll push us until Tuesday, but if they recommend it, we will just have to trust them. If there aren't any retrievals for Sunday morning, we could be scheduled for a 9am transfer, which means we'd have to be there by 8am, and my nurse admits we could be driving there when she calls to tell us we're being postponed. We just have to be flexible and roll with the punches. Easier said than done with someone who likes to have everything planned out, but we'll do it.

How am I feeling at this point in our cycle? Positive. I feel like this could work, I've got many supportive friends who feel like this could work and are very excited for us. I have to admit that I'm excited, but I also admit that being excited when nothing is for sure scares me. I guess that is what hope is.

Day 12 IVF and Gratitude

I triggered last night with my HCG shot, and my ER will be at 9am tomorrow. I have to be there at 8am, and Archie has to drop off his sample at 7:30am, which means my girlfriend, B, gets the pleasure of having Jack at 7am (God love that woman because there aren't many friends I think I could ask for a favor like that!).

I have to say that through all of this, my mom, Archie, and some awesome friends and blogger friends have been so supportive. K was willing to go to Parent's Day with Jack as a fill in for us if need be, and this meant so much to me that Jack wouldn't be alone, and yet K would be leaving her boxer puppy with bad seperation anxiety at home alone to help us out. B is willing to get up at the crack of dawn to take Jack tomorrow morning and to tote him around on a playdate. Br was willing to take Jack on top of her twin boys, one of which has special needs, and she is always saying she'll take him anytime-God love her. L has just been nothing but supportive, and though she felt bad that she wasn't more available (she has infant twins), she's been praying constantly for us and is always just a phone call or text away. Jen who gave me advice on what helped her during her last cycle, and has been praying for us as well has been awesome. And my mom, while she doesn't understand what half of what I'm saying with regards to our IVF means, has let me vent, cry, talk through issues, and that's been great for me. My faithful blogger followers have been nothing but supportive, and the girls from my previous IVF/IF groups that I've stayed in touch with have been my cheerleader squad. You guys rock, and regardless of how this cycle turns out, I want you to know I feel so blessed to have you all in my life.

So here is the plan. We should be home around lunchtime (I think), and if I'm not too groggy or tired, I'll post to let you guys know how many eggs we had. I won't have a fertilization report until Friday. Embryo Transfer (ET) could take place on Sunday (day 3), or Tuesday (day 5). I'm thinking we will transfer on Sunday simply because we've never had great quality embryos. Jack was the result of a day 3 transfer with 2 so-so embryos, and last time, all of our embryos were abnormal. My hope is that we have enough to choose from this time like with our first cycle that we don't have to worry about the abnormal ones. I'm a bit nervous about the possibility of a day 5 transfer, just because our first cycle all of our leftover embryos that we were growing out to day 5 and hoping to freeze fizzled out. I'm just afraid tha the embryology lab would say that they think they can make it to day 5 and then we end up with nothing. I realize that these people make these decisions all the time, this is what they do, and I need to trust them. It's just like when people trust me to take care of their sick babies, trust me to give them accurate and correct info and not to steer them wrong. And let's be honest, God has made this cycle so much easier than the first two. The first cycle we felt like we had so much riding on it, it was our best and only chance at starting a family, it was threatened to be cancelled numerous times thanks to my hyperstimulation, and it was just so darn stressful. The second one I didn't trust to work the entire time, and when I finally let my guard down things hit the fan.

This time, and maybe the acupuncture has something to do with my stress level, but I feel like I've been more calm, and I think alot of that has to do with praying. I wasn't as faithful the last two times, and I've still got a long way to go, but I really do feel like I've been more at peace this cycle. That's not to say there haven't been stressful occurences (hello Parent Day conflict), but He has provided for us to be able to work things out beautifully, and I am so grateful.

B asked me today how I felt. I could tell her 100% honestly that I felt good. I felt excited and confident with how things are going. For someone who second guesses everything, this is huge for me. I just have a good feeling, and I hope it doesn't stop for a good, oh...10 months!

Thanks to all my peeps out there for your support. Love you guys!