Happy November ICLW!!!

Well, I'll post this a few hours early because I'm bored at work at the moment and have nothing else better to do...

Some of you may have come across my blog previously. You'll know that there have been some changes if you were here last month. For those of you not up on who I am, I'll tell you.

My husband is 33, and I am 29. We had our first son after our first IVF/ICSI cycle for MFI (male factor infertility), endometriosis, and one patent tube. We are very blessed. After an unsuccessful attempt earlier this year which went horribly wrong (see this backpost), we began to consider domestic adoption. We had a fundraiser in June, and another in September using the money raised in June's fundraiser. It was a disaster financially and we lost just about everything we'd invested (see this post). We are still up in the air about adoption vs. another IVF cycle. We did get some news which changes things somewhat financially (see these posts here and here). This means that another IVF cycle for us may be $15,000 cheaper than adoption at this point, and to be honest, if it didn't work, we'd be done. We'd agree to be blessed for what God has given us thus far, the beautiful child we have who is almost 3 years old, and more than we ever dreamed he would be. So it's still a huge decision, there are multiple physicians to consult, and then a big decision to make. We continue to struggle with this.

What we do know is that we are lucky to have a child at all, would be doubly blessed to have another, and neither of our options will be easy. I'd love to have more followers, and everytime I do ICLW, I find at least a few more blogs to follow. Please feel free to join us on our journey.

Happy ICLW!!!

Trying to Work It Out

First I want to say thank you for everyone's kind and supportive comments and emails. I am still a mess. I really can't see doing another bingo fundraiser. We'd have to do the overtime to get the money together to even have it, and it's just too much of a risk to possibly lose almost every last dime again. If yesterday's fundraiser had been successful, I might feel differently. Ok, I WOULD feel differently and already be planning the next one!

That said, I've done some thinking. If we were to just work and save up the $18,000 on our own, it would take us probably 2 years. Who knows how long after that it would take to get a placement. Needless to say, we won't be applying with Catholic Charities in January. Why apply if we won't be close to having the money needed yet. We don't want to be matched if we can't act on it. We also don't want to be adopting when Jack is 7 years old either. Which leads to my next flight of ideas...

As I was running around this morning, and trying to take a nap this afternoon, I seriously questioned what we were thinking when we made this decision. We were weighing whether or not to do another IVF cycle (which wasn't a guarantee we'd get pregnant again) and come up with the $10,000 needed to cover what our insurance would not, or come up with the $18,000 for an adoption which would eventually give us another child for sure. We wanted the sure thing. Well, let me tell you what we know for sure. God blessed us with a sweet and lovable little boy almost 3 years ago. We love him to pieces and can't imagine life without him. And then I started thinking...and realized thinking is where all of my problems start.

So I was doing some math in my head. If I had two days of overtime on every paycheck, then we would be able to raise $10K in about 8 months. IF I did one day of overtime each week, and never had a week where I just worked my normal shifts, that is how long it would take me, and that is IF I could get the shifts. It would take us probably a year if I didn't. You can figure out how long it would take for the $18K which by the time we came up with that, adoption will cost even more. As we're getting ready for dinner, I said to Archie, "So, just hypothetically speaking, what would you say if I asked you about going the less expensive route and saving up the $10K we would need to do another IVF cycle, and if it fails again, then we're done and we agree to find a place where we are ok with just having one child, and where we are ok with Jack being an only child and not having any siblings?" I asked this fully expecting to get this "are you kidding me?" type of look from him. The answer that I got was something like this, "I'm cool with that as long as Dr. M is willing to do the protocol we did when we had the successful cycle and not the one that we did this last time." I think I might have stood there dumbfounded for a minute. No argument about whether I needed my head checked? No questioning my thought process? That was easy.

So, am I saying that we're nixing the adoption idea and going back to the IVF one? Not at all. There is a lot more to consider than just what Dr. M has to say about it. I need to have a talk with my endocrinologist about my thyroid issues, and then with my urologist about my cystinuria and stopping the meds that I am on to manage it (they have a very high incidence of birth defects). None of that matters at this point because we don't have the money and our overtime at this point is replacing our roof. But it is something to discuss next year after we get back our taxes and think about making a plan again that does not include fundraising. I guess at that point we'll have to meet with my physicians and discuss if it is even advisable given some of my medical issues, and then what their recommendations would be. That may decide everything for us.

In the meantime while we are in a holding pattern, I'll continue to post here anything interesting that comes up, or thoughts I have about either of these topics. And I said I'd use this blog to post about our family as well, so I will continue to do that. I hope that my followers do continue to follow whether you're from IF-land or adoption world, as I plan to continue to follow you guys as well.

And thanks again for your support.

Unusual Request from Us

So any of you who know us know that we're not super religious. We believe in God, we pray, and we're in search of the perfect church for us. Here's the thing. Fundraising when you're not a non-profit is really hard. It's hard to get donations, sponsors and the like. You rely on others who do this on a regular basis for guidance and advice. Well, it seems like we hit obstacle after obstacle despite which type of fundraiser we plan.

We've spent close to $1600 already in Longaberger baskets and Vera Bradley items for our bingo coming up. We spent $900 to rent the hall and bingo equipment and for one of their people to call bingo for us that day (they require it if we rent their equipment). We were told that a bingo supplier very close to us always donates most of the stuff for fundraisers, so to contact them, which I did in person yesterday. They called today to tell me what they decided and what they decided was to give us a 10% discount which left the cost of the bingo supplies at $776. Ouch. I was sleeping after work when I got the call, and I just felt defeated. You question whether your cause is as worthy as others. I don't have a family member who needs surgery, thank God. We just want to bring home another child and are willing to do the work for the fundraisers, but we're only asking for some help getting there. We're putting so much money, time and energy into making this a successful event, it's just frustrating. It's hard. It's hard to go out and ask businesses during a recession if they could donate anything, even closeout items, gift cards, or services to help.

Last week we sent out letters to about 100 businesses. We're waiting to hear back from even one of them. I am prepping some more letters to go out later this week. This Thursday we will be going out to personally ask some businesses to help us. It just doesn't make you feel very good to question if your need for assistance is seen as worth it to others when it is so important to you and your family. I guess I'm just feeling discouraged, mainly about the bingo supplier, especially when they supposedly generally give others everything that they need to do their bingos.

Anyway, our request is just prayer. We know that God can provide for us and we trust that He will and that this whole fundraiser will work out. There was another blog that I discovered yesterday where He did just that. You can see their pickle jar post here. The entire $20K cost of their international adoption has been provided for. How awesome! And it's funny because she talks about how they want to "pay it forward" and help others struggling through the same thing, which is what I mentioned to Archie. I crazily enough really like this fundraising stuff, except for the fact that it's so hard to ask for donations when you aren't a charity or non-profit organization and so we can't provide documentation for people's tax purposes. I said to Archie that after our adoption, I'd love to set up a non-profit for the purpose of helping other families with their fundraising. That is exactly what this family is going to do for others, and I think it's great. We've already told them we'd help however we could to support their endeavor because I was already thinking about doing something like that myself in the future. Pay it forward.

We're not expecting for our adoption to be paid for, believe me. We just hope that some will help us in our endeavor, and find it a valuable enough cause to support. Please just pray that we get some businesses or individuals to help offset some of our costs by sponsoring the baskets and bags. Please pray for patience and strength during this process for us. And please pray for us to continue to put our faith in God's plan for us, whatever that may be.