38w4d and OB Appointment

Hello all! Well, we are definitely in the home stretch. It's been an eventful week thus far, let me tell you about it. Last week, I had to scheduled my appointment with a growth scan for this week. I originally scheduled it for 10:15am, however, once I told one of my friends/coworkers that was when my appointment was, I found out that 11am was the scheduled time for a shower being thrown for me and Charlie. She said they knew I'd screw it up either with an appointment or having the baby early. Hahaha, it might sound mean that she said that, but seriously, I have a black cloud, and it translates between work and my personal life-it's just how my luck is. So I called the next morning begging for another appointment as this was the only time the majority of the people I work with could make it. The only day the ultrasound tech was going to be in was Thursday, but they could fit me in at 8:30am for the growth scan and then I'd see my doc afterwards. I took that appointment.

I woke up early Saturday morning (3am) and felt something that felt like a squirt (gross I know, but that is what it felt like), but it didn't feel like I had peed myself. It was clear fluid. I thought I might be leaking amniotic fluid. Archie was at work and would be home around 6am. I decided to wait since I wasn't having any contractions, and to be honest, it seemed like a repeat of what happened the morning I went into labor with Jack. I figured if I gave it some time maybe contractions would start up. So about 8am I called the on call doc. Of course, I was told to go in and be checked. I went in and while I wasn't any further dilated, the nurse practitioner thought I was about 70% effaced and still 2 cm. They checked what I had, and didn't think it was amniotic fluid, but said that it could be that the most significant amount was at 3am, and unless I had more it wasn't going to show up positive for amniotic fluid. My blood pressure when I went in was 157/101. I told them I'd been high in the office for my OB appointments lately, but it was usually mid-high 80's for the diastolic, not over 100 for sure. I told them that what my OB does is have me lay down on my side for 5 minutes and then they recheck it and usually it's gone back down. Sure enough this was the case that morning as well, but because I'd had that one really high BP, they wanted to run labs to make sure I was pre-eclamptic. So I sat around and waited for the labs to come back and was monitored during that time. Charlie's heartrate looked great on the strip, and we caught one contraction but that was it. I was sent home and told to keep an eye on the fluid.

I worked Monday night and Tuesday night. I came home yesterday morning and did what I always need to do the second I walk through the door-ran to the bathroom to tinkle. I sat down and my nose was running so I blew it while I was still on the toilet since that seems to be a problem lately (I can't sneeze, blow my nose or cough without dribbles-darn stress incontinence!). Well, after I blew my nose I saw a black thing which I thought was a spider on the wall in front of me, until I realized that then I saw about 20 of them swirling around and it wasn't a spider-it was black spots. Great. I'd been dizzy most of the night, and would sit down to take care of my patients when I started feeling like that (we take care of babies, not adults, so I knew my coworkers wouldn't appreciate it if I passed out on them!), but I can't lay down at work, so that was the best I could do. I knew the spots I was seeing was probably because of my blood pressure. I didn't call the doc then, but told myself if after I laid down for a bit this happened again, I'd have to. I wasn't having any other symptoms like a headache, so I figured this was probably ok.

My OB appointment was this morning. I was scheduled for a growth scan beforehand. The ultrasound tech started asking me questions like, "Has anyone told you before that he might be big?" "Do you have gestational diabetes or regular diabetes?" "What was he measuring at your last ultrasound?" I told her yes, they said at his 34 week scan that he was already about 5 pounds 11 ounces, so we know he's on the bigger side. Nope, no diabetes of any kind. It's never a good thing when you see that his femur alone is measuring 41w1d and you're only 38w4d. Long baby. Then she's telling you and pointing out all of his fat rolls. She's telling you that he has no room in there, and his head is all the way down so she can't tell you if he has hair because she can't the probe in there to check since there isn't any amniotic fluid around the top of his head. Lovely. He's huge. Then she looks at you with a cringe type look on her face and says, "I don't want to tell you how big he is measuring." Ha, well you don't have a choice and I don't have a choice either, so just tell me. Yup, Charlie is a big boy at 8 pounds 9 ounces. Big boy wasn't the word I used to describe him after that, I think what came out of my mouth was, "He's a beast!" And let's be honest, he is.

I gained 1 pound in the last week, for a total weight gain of 8 pounds. My initial blood pressure this morning was 142/92. My doc doesn't like the diastolic number above 90 or even getting close. So my nurse made me lay on my left side and then wanted me to sit up to recheck it. It was 134/90. I told her that L&D just has me stay laying down when they recheck it and it's always back to normal-high 70's low 80's. She said Dr. A likes the patients sitting up since it's more reflective of what you're like at home since you most likely aren't just laying around all the time. Ok. Lay down and recheck again in 5 minutes. Sit up, recheck 132/90. Can you see where this is going? Next thing I know, my OB is asking me when I work again. I told her tomorrow night. She said well, I might be done then because she is sending me to L&D for pre-eclampsia labs and if they come back off, I'll be induced today. That sounded great, except that my shower was being held 45 minutes away in about an hour's time. It would take at least an hour for my labs to come back once I got over to L&D. Which meant no Cheesecake Factory (yum yum) for me, and it also meant no celebration! I had to go to L&D, I couldn't just say, "Um, yeah, so could I come back for that in a couple of hours after I've had a great meal and good fun?" Ugh. I called my girlfriend and told her I wouldn't be able to make it. And I thought to myself, as much as I hope I'm not pre-eclamptic, I'd better have slightly off labs and be having this baby today darn it! Finally at 12:15pm I was getting antsy. My labs should have been back, I had to pee (but couldn't get up as I had the BP cuff on and was hooked up to the fetal monitor), and I was starving and all I could think about was what I could have been eating but wasn't! Archie couldn't come into the triage room with me because we had Jack and only one person is allowed in the triage room with you, and so poor Jack had been sitting around waiting since essentially 8:30am! To say I was getting irritable would be putting it lightly.

I heard someone say in the hall that the labs were ok, they were just waiting for Dr. A to come talk to me. I waited another 20 minutes and then was done. I hit the call light to ask to go to the bathroom which then at least got me disconnected from everything and I thought would maybe speed up the process. It didn't speed anything up. Finally the nurse practitioner came in and told me that my doctor had come over for a delivery, they'd hoped she'd be able to stop in and see me before I left and discuss a plan, but now she was dealing with an emergency, so they were going to let me go and just have me call the office when I got home. FINE! We went to Cheesecake Factory because if I was missing my shower, and I was not going to have a baby today, I needed something to put a smile on my face. I called and left a message that I needed to talk to Dr. A. She called me back at about 4:30 today, and she is on call next Thursday and I am scheduled for my induction at 6:30am that day. I'm not real happy that it couldn't be done earlier in the week, but I am happy that we have a plan.

And now that we have a plan, I'd be willing to bet that I go into labor on my own Wednesday night, LOL.

37w5d and 37 Week OB Appointment

I'm in the home stretch for sure-yay! I saw my OB on Tuesday and was 2 cm, 30% effaced, and my cervix wasn't ready for her to be able to strip my membranes, so we're waiting. I've had some bad swelling lately with my feet, ankles, and calves, and I swear to you I even noticed some in my thighs after work the other morning. Luckily I only have 3 shifts left to work next week.

I continue to have periods of regular contractions, but they never last long enough to deliver a baby. He's comfy and that's ok. I've informed him that if he hasn't moved out by January 15th we will be coming in to get him. My next OB appointment is scheduled for next Thursday morning with an ultrasound prior to seeing my doctor. She wants to make sure he isn't too big before we decide on an induction at 39 weeks. I guess if she thinks he is, I'll be preparing myself for a c-section. To be honest, either one is ok with me, I'm not one of those people who goes in with a rigid birth plan and is dead set against a section. I want my baby out healthy and safely, and if that means that unfortunately I get all the way to 10 cm, and something isn't right, he isn't tolerating labor, or we never make it to 10 cm because I fail to progress, then section me. I'd hate to have to go through all of the work of labor only to have a c-section, but I'd rather he be ok, and me be miserable with recovery for a bit longer. My appointment was scheduled for Friday originally, but because of the ultrasound tech only being in on Thursday my appointment had to be changed. I scheduled it for 10:15am, and had gotten an email from two friends that they wanted to do lunch that day, so I figured I'd be good to meet up with them by noon. I texted the one friend after my appointment the other day and told her when my OB appointment was, only to find out that by changing it, I screwed up plans for some friends from work to have a little shower for me at Cheesecake Factory (one of my favorite restaurants). They were planning it for 11am about a half hour from my doctor's office. Go figure. They said they knew I'd screw it up, either by having the baby early or by making an appointment. It was the one day they could all get together, so now I've changed my appointment. They were able to fit me in at 8:30am. It's going to be an early day, and challenging if Archie doesn't get there before my OB sees me so he can take Jack out of the room (he's coming from about an hour away straight from work). I just don't want Jack in there for the cervix check (he's distractable, but rather nosy), and if I am ready for my membranes to be stripped, I've heard that can be painful and I definitely don't want him in there for that. I'm excited to meet up with everyone for lunch afterwards though! With any luck, that will be my last meal before Charlie gets here, and it will no doubt be delicious!

I read a blog I've followed religiously for a while, and was downright irritated by a comment the blogger made about her tour of a NICU and her feeling that anyone who wanted their baby to be born before 39 or 40 weeks is just plain selfish. I can see where she, someone who hasn't made it to term due to complicated pregnancies could feel that way. I could also see how someone who doesn't realize that babies are considered "term" at 37 weeks would think that. I would agree with her that the mother who at 34 weeks jumps out of a pick up truck repeatedly to try and go into labor is selfish. I would agree that a mom who does drugs or drinks excessively during her pregnancy is selfish. I would see where a mom who tries to abort her baby-on her own-at 30-something weeks gestation (or any gestation for that matter) is selfish. But I don't see where a mom who is ready for her baby to be out at 37 or 38 weeks, knowing what the chances of a NICU stay are (pretty minimal at that point as usually between 36 and 37 weeks the lungs are fully mature), who is dealing with the lovely things that things that can make you miserable towards the end of a term pregnancy (let me assure you that whatever you're feeling at 28, 32 or 34 weeks is not the same as what you'll probably be feeling like at almost 38 weeks or even 40 weeks) can be considered selfish for doing things (with her doctor's permission and knowledge) to help things along. To say I was livid after reading that, would be putting it mildly. I've tried to be supportive to this blogger, but I may have to just stop reading her blog until my hormones have stabilized and I don't feel half nutso anymore.

And yes, I am doing things to try to help things along. I asked my doc at my last appointment if she minded me taking evening primrose oil, or pumping, and she gave me permission after this past Sunday. I'm taking evening primrose oil, but not how I read it was recommended online or by one of my friends. I've read and heard you can take up to 1500mg 3x/day. That seems like a lot to me. I'm taking 1000mg once a day. I also read that in addition to the 1500 mg 3x/day, that once you reach 37 weeks you can begin to take it as a suppository (pessary) 1000mg once a day. That I am doing most days/nights except for nights like last night where I'm contracting regularly when I go to bed, and don't want to have someone give me a strange look because yellow capsules are being delivered in addition to a baby. At the advice of a coworker/lactation consultant, I'm also pumping. Not alot, just enough to get some colostrum set aside for the baby because of food allergy issues. Jack has food allergies which became apparent at 5 weeks, but weren't diagnosed officially (despite my nagging, my lactation consultant's nagging, etc) until he was 4 months old. His allergist's recommendation is to supplement with either breastmilk I've pumped, or a hypoallergenic formula. Jack had a high bilirubin in the hospital and they threatened to keep him if I didn't supplement, and since my milk wasn't in yet, he got formula. We had no idea he'd have food allergies so we used the run of the mill formula which has cow's milk protein in it. He didn't have a milk allergy, but they would still prefer us to use a hypoallergenic formula if we have to use it at all. So to prep, the LC told me I could start pumping at 37 weeks, realizing that it may put me into labor, so definitely not to start prior to 37 weeks. I started on Sunday and got a little set aside for Charlie. It did make me have contractions, but only while I was pumping. You can pump according to some sites to put yourself into labor, but I'm going to need these nipples to be intact for nursing, and they said it can take an hour of pumping to get contractions really going, and you shouldn't stop until they are 5 minutes apart and regular. Well, I'm not doing that. I pumped once today, and will pump again at bedtime, and the LC told me I could do it up to 4 times a day. I'm hoping he'll be here before I work myself up to that, but we'll see. I have only about 7 ml of colostrum set aside for him between two pumpings I've done and not leaked it out of the thing by mistake. It's still better than nothing.

Tomorrow I get to use my Christmas gift from my mom. She planned a "Girls' Day" for us. It will start with a prenantal massage for me, then lunch and a movie. I'm so excited! I'm hoping the massage therapist will know some good pressure points to maybe get things going. We shall see.

One of my friends/coworkers dabbles in photography, and at 34 weeks we had her do maternity pictures for us. Here is the link. Enjoy!

32 Week OB Appointment

My OB appointment was on Wednesday afternoon. It went well. I lost 2 pounds, so in total now I am up 2 pounds from my 10 week appointment. It's not for lack of eating-trust me, I'm eating! It may just be a fluke with yet a third different scale.

Otherwise, Charlie's heartbeat sounded perfect and where it should be. I have to get my hematocrit (red blood cell count) and thyroid levels rechecked before my next appointment on December 14th. I also am scheduled to have a growth scan in the office right before my next appointment. I told her the results of our ultrasound 2 weeks ago, but they need it to be documented which is fine. To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I'm having this ultrasound since she told me I wouldn't have any more unless medically necessary since insurance wouldn't cover it. No, I didn't ask why. I figured it was because of my poor weight gain. To be frank, I don't care either way, I get to see my boy again!

So all in all, good, boring appointment. That's how it should be!

32 weeks 1 day

Today I am 32w1d. 5-8 weeks left to go until we meet our newest little boy! Not too much going on. Saturday night wasn't good with acid reflux, choking, and throwing up, same for Sunday morning, but all in all, lately I've felt pretty good. I have braxton hicks contractions frequently-when I roll over, when I change position, when I stand up, when I sit down...like I said, frequently. So last night when I was laying in bed with Jack and noticed that even though I wasn't doing anything, but was having contractions pretty regularly, I started to time them. 3-5 minutes apart. Of course, Jack had just fallen asleep. And he had school this morning. And Archie was on his way to work, and my mom was at her house presumably sleeping, and she had to work in the morning. I was laying on my right side, so I rolled over to my left because I knew before I called the doc, I'd better do what I figured they'd suggest anyway-lay on your left side and drink water. Problem was my reflux was acting up and the last thing I wanted to do was drink. So I waited to see if laying on my left was going to help alone. It didn't. So then I bit the bullet, downed more tums, and downed all of the water I had upstairs with me-about a liter worth. I laid there for another hour, they spaced out to 6 minutes apart and I decided to try to sleep as my husband had suggested when I'd called him. I had a few contractions wake me up, but for the most part they weren't painful, and I didn't want to go into the hospital, only to be told I was in false labor, and meanwhile have had Archie or my mom miss work or get no sleep. If they hadn't spaced out I would have called my OB.

I did call my OB this morning to find out at what point I'm supposed to call (I know when you're full term it's when your contractions are 5 minutes apart). but I'm not full-term yet. She said 4-5 minutes apart for an hour. So I should have called last night. Too late, and obviously I didn't wake up delivering my child in my bed, so that's a good thing.

My next OB appointment is on Wednesday afternoon, I'll update more then. For now, here is my 32 week belly pic!

Charlie's 4D Ultrasound

This wasn't an easy ultrasound. Charlie is breech (not worried-he has a few more weeks to turn), had his back to us, and his hands in front of his face initially. After a trip to the bathroom, some jumping up and down, and shaking of my rear (no kidding), he was finally moving. He then had his hands mostly under his chin, his foot next to his face, and was hiding behind my placenta. He still wanted to sleep, so we have some video on DVD (if my computer would work right) of him grimacing, looking like he let out a whine, and then opening and closing his mouth. He has cute cheeks, kissable lips, and I think looks like Archie's side of the family. Here are some pics! I can't wait to meet him in person!

30 Weeks 4 Days

I had my 30 week OB appointment today. It went well. I measured where I should this time (yay!), it looks like I have gained 2 more pounds (up a total of 3 pounds from my 10 week appointment), and Charlie's heartrate was good! I asked my doctor about delivering given my pelvic fractures 4 years ago and she wanted me to call the ortho doc to get their approval. My ortho doc is gone now, but I called a friend (my IV nurse who works in the same area where I was admitted when we had the car accident), and she talked to one of the docs, they pulled up my records (with my permission) and x-rays and he said I should be fine to deliver the good old-fashioned way. Sounds good to me.

My uncle is a high risk OB, and we saw him over the weekend. I had asked him what he thought about the possibility of reinjuring my pelvis, and he said it's not likely, that whether the baby's head would fit through the pelvis is another story. No one is going to know that until I'm pushing and we see if he will fit. If he won't, I'll end up having a c-section emergently which will suck because I will have gone through however long in labor and tried to push for however long it takes for us to determine he's not coming out, but c-sections don't scare me otherwise. My biggest concern is that if I can't push him out and he gets stressed, the risk of him stooling in utero and then possible meconium aspiration. Or decels from his head getting mashed into my pelvis but not being able to fit through. Funny, c-sections don't worry me, but I really will not be on board with a vacuum or forceps delivery. Guess it goes back to knowing too much.

My next OB appointment is in 2 weeks!!!! So excited, these more frequent appointments mean that the end is in sight and we will finally get to meet this little boy we've waited and tried for 3 years for again!

Other things that are on my mind-Thanksgiving. Seriously-I'm doing that 30 days of Thanksgiving thing on Face.book and I had already posted this morning about being thankful for the internet so I can shop for the baby without going to a million places looking for that one particular thing. Otherwise, I would have been thankful for the times I haven't thrown up in public this pregnancy (yes, it was in the privacy of my own home this morning), for the fact that this pregnancy has gone more smoothly (so far) than my pregnancy with Jack. Thankful to whoever thought of making pantiliners so I only had to change my shirt this morning and not all of my clothes (damn stress incontinence). And thankful for the easy and sweet child God blessed us with almost 5 years ago after our first IVF cycle. That little boy is going to make some woman very happy some day. He really will. He compliments all the time, he encourages when it's needed, he goes running to get me paper towels or a bucket to throw up in when I need it and his dad isn't around, and today while I was laying on the table in the OB office and she was measuring me, he came over, put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a sweet kiss.

I know the first part of my thanksgiving topic was sort of humorous, but seriously, I have so much to be thankful for. We both have jobs while we have friends who are finding themselves in tough situations with only one working at the moment, or neither working at all and looking for work. We have a loving family who cares about us, helps us, and are actively involved in Jack's life and will be in Charlie's as well. I can't even begin to tell you how important that is to me. That Jack is making memories with both sets of grandparents that will last a lifetime. He got to know his great-grandmother some and will remember that, and he sees my grandfather (on my mom's side) and his wife a couple of times a year too. I wish we were closer to my husband's brother and his family, but his neice and nephew are in high school, and it's hard no doubt between their schedules and the difference in ages for them to really get on Jack's level, but he does know them and sees them a couple of times a year. I wish my sister lived closer so he could have a closer relationship with her. Jack talks to her on the phone, and I'm waiting for her to download the Tango app so they can see each other and talk by phone (skype caused problems with my computer so I uninstalled it). And she plans on coming out when Charlie is born to get to know him and to spend time with Jack, so there is that. We see her every couple of years, sometimes more often, just depends on what's going on with everyone.

Another thing I can't stop thinking about is tomorrow!!! I know, you're thinking, um, it's Friday which is great and all, but so what? We have our 4D ultrasound tomorrow! It's the little things, come on! We didn't have one done with Jack (we wanted to, but the only places I could find near us were about $400 and we were pretty strapped), but we had lots of pictures of his profile, hands, legs, feet, boy parts, etc., from his 20 week ultrasound. With Charlie, we got his profile and his face...that's it. And we have all the furniture and baby gear (for the most part) that we need for Charlie, so we want to do this, and it's MUCH cheaper now than it was then for the ultrasound. My mom and my in-laws are going with us and I'm so happy for that too. We didn't invite them to any ultrasounds with Jack and until this point, also hadn't invited them for any of Charlie's. Kind of like with Jack's delivery we wanted it to be our last moments together as a couple before we welcomed our little boy into the world and became a family of 3. My mom really wanted to be in the delivery room with Jack, and I probably would have let her stay, but I wasn't willing to hurt feelings and make my mother-in-law go out of the room and my mom stay. I wasn't as close to my in-laws at that point as I am now, and I think alot of that has to do with Jack being here and it just bringing us all together more. For the record, my father-in-law was in the waiting room while I labored and delivered (our mom's were in the room for the later part of labor, and outside the door during delivery) because he had the flu. He didn't get to meet Jack until he was a week old.

This time we've said my mom and his mom can be in the delivery room, but they have to stay up by my head. And if things hit the fan and the baby has problems or I have problems, they need to stay cool-Archie will need it, and I will need all of it. My father-in-law gets Jack duty. They are allowed to stay in the room while I labor so long as I'm comfortable. Jack's really sensitive, and I don't want him to be traumatized by watching me be in pain, so when things start to get going more, they will go to the waiting room. I'm hoping that I won't have worked all night and then go into labor like I did with Jack. I'd like to not be witchy like I was when we went to the hospital for my water breaking. I was fine through triage, and then we went to our L&D room and the first thing Archie did after putting down our bags was start to pull out the recliner. I was in back labor. Those two things weren't going together and if I wasn't going to be sleeping after working a 12 hour shift, he sure as heck wasn't going to be either. My attitude didn't get better until 2 hours later when I finally asked for the epidural at a whole...2cm dilated, LOL. Yeah, I'm serious, the back labor was ridiculous and I was contracting 1.5 minutes apart, and I was exhausted from working all night. I got the epidural and then my contractions spaced out and I ended up needing pitocin. I was more relaxed after the epidural which is good because my mom kept calling to see if she should leave work, or leave her work's holiday lunch yet, LOL. She was so excited.

I think my in-laws were happy to be invited to come to the ultrasound tomorrow. We're all going to lunch afterwards. We weren't sure if Jack was going to go with us or not since Friday is a normal school day for him, but complicating matters is that his school is having their Thanksgiving Feast tomorrow. I really didn't want him to miss that, and to be honest, I didn't realize that school would be doing that until two weeks ago, and I made the ultrasound appointment two months ago. I secretly wanted him to come to the ultrasound, but I wasn't going to force him to do one over the other. I looked into it, and I can get a DVD made of the ultrasound session, so I told him that we were going to see Charlie on the TV again, and that if he wanted to go he could, but if he didn't that was ok. I told him that he was having a Thanksgiving Feast at school at the same time, and wouldn't be able to do both. I assured him he wouldn't be missing anything if he decided to go to school and enjoy the festivities with his friends, and we would bring home a video of Charlie for him to watch on our TV after school. For the better part of last week he was going to go to school which was fine. But yesterday he told us he wants to go see Charlie. I again told him I could bring him home the movie of Charlie to watch on our TV if he wants to go to school, but he is insistent that he wants to see Charlie. I have to admit that I'm kind of happy!

I will try to post pictures from our ultrasound tomorrow, but with the appointment being at 10:30am, and going to lunch afterwards and the place being almost an hour from us, it's not likely. I have to work tomorrow night and will have to nap when I get home, but if I'm all fired up with excitement when we come home, I'll do it before I lay down!

It's Been a While

It's been a while since I posted. No reason really, other than I didn't have much to say. I'm 29 weeks, and getting more uncomfortable (you know, little things like breathing that you take for granted until everything gets pushed up into your diaphragm), but all in all things are going well. I can't believe that come Sunday, I'll be 3/4 of the way through.

My next OB appointment is next Thursday. I have some questions for her, mainly regarding my pelvis and delivery. We had a bad car accident in October of 2007, and I was pinned in the car as a result of the accident, and ended up fracturing my pelvis in 3 places. When I saw her for an annual exam in February of 2008, she told me that she thought I would be able to carry to term which satisfied me at the time, however, because I didn't know if I'd ever be pregnant again, I never brought up delivery. She had made a comment at the time that she thought my pelvis was slightly smaller than it had been before given the fractures I sustained. So my questions mainly revolve around whether I risk reinjuring my pelvis during a normal delivery this time, and depending on the size of the baby at the time of delivery, whether it's worth compromising him. My real concern is that if he is larger than Jack (who was 6 pounds 12 ounces at birth) or just too large in general, I really don't want to risk a shoulder dystocia, his head not being small enough to fit through my pelvis or any other complications for him which could lead to ending up with a c-section after how many hours of labor and trying to push, or a NICU stay because something happened to him during delivery. I know too much as my mom put it the other day, and if I was clueless to what could happen, and what does happen, I probably wouldn't be real worried about it. But the fact of the matter is that I do know. I'm sure my OB loves that, LOL. I am not opposed to a c-section, but I also realize it's major abdominal surgery too. It's still too early to tell a whole lot at this point, so we will just wait and see, but I figure a conversation is at least in order.

We have a 4D ultrasound scheduled for next Friday. I failed to realize that this would be the last Friday before Thanksgiving, and thus, that Jack's preschool would be having their Thanksgiving celebration next Friday. Oops. I really don't want him to miss either thing, I'd feel bad if I made him go to the ultrasound and he could care less and would rather be with his friends at school. So I told him that his Thanksgiving party is at school the same day that we were going to go see Charlie on the tv screen. I explained that he could go to whichever thing he wants to go to, and that if he decides to go to school, I will have them make a video of Charlie so he can see it on our tv screen at home and really won't have missed anything at all. I told him he has until his second day of school next week to decide (so we can let his teachers know if he won't be going to school on Friday). He initially told me he wanted to go to school which was fine. Then today, he heard us talking about my in-laws, my mom, Archie and I all going out to IHOP after the ultrasound, and now he wants in on that deal. No doubt he's thinking about bacon (seriously, the kid LOVES bacon). I told him he has time to decide still, he doesn't have to decide now. I'm looking forward to this ultrasound and finding out how big he is measuring, and how much fluid I have at this point (to see if it's normal).

Speaking of that sweet boy of mine. I have to tell you that the last two weeks have been interesting around our house, well, it's always interesting with him around, but the last two weeks have been more entertaining. That might be the better description. It started two Mondays ago, when Jack came home from school and told me he wanted to change his name. I asked what he wanted to change it to, and he told me he wanted to be called "Bert." Yup, you read that right. I asked him where he got that name from (he was never into Sesame Street), and he told me he didn't know, he just liked it. I said, "Ok Buddy." Then he said, "No Mommy, it's Ok Bert." LOL. I called him Bert the rest of the night and tried to call him Bert the next morning and he informed me that he changed his mind and didn't like being called Bert anymore. Thank goodness! Then a few days later he told me he didn't want to call Charlie "Charlie". I thought he was going to go back to saying that he "hated" that name, but he didn't. He just wanted to know if we could call him Callen instead. I had to giggle, and asked where he'd heard that name. He didn't know, he just liked it. Now, Archie and I watch NCIS: LA, and G. Callen is one of the NCIS agents on that show, and we love him, BUT, we do not let Jack watch that show for obvious reasons. So where he got that name is beyond me, but it's a nice name. I asked Archie if he wanted to consider changing the name, and he said no, we've been calling the baby Charlie for weeks now, so it will stay Charlie.

Then over the weekend, we decided to go out back and play frisbee for a bit before I had to leave for work. Jack was looking at something with me, and turned around only to get nailed by the frisbee that his dad had thrown while no one else was looking. Needless to say, Archie felt awful when blood was flowing from Jack's poor nose. It's not broken luckily, I was almost crying (it doesn't take much these days) with Jack. His nose was swelling and starting to turn colors, so you can imagine the scene with me pinching his nose closed to try and stop the bleeding and with the other hand holding ice on his nose. It must have worked out well though because he didn't bruise up like I expected. After the drama was finished with, we went out back and played frisbee some more. With us throwing the frisbee basically to Jack's feet instead of high enough for him to catch it. We've played several times since, and understandably, he's still a little shy when it's higher than his waist, LOL.

My final story for this post is about this morning. Jack and I woke up, he kissed Chance (our greyhound) and then kissed my tummy. Then he turned, and asked me point blank, "How is Charlie going to get out of your tummy?" I know I hesitated and I probably had a deer in the headlights look to me because then he said, "Is he going to come out of your mouth or your belly button?" I had to giggle because of the innocence of a child, and remembering that as a kid I thought they came out of the belly button, were fed through the mom's belly button, and then for a while remember thinking that they were pooped out. I told him that Charlie wouldn't be coming out either of those ways. He wanted to know then, how was he going to get out? I told him that some mommies have surgery to take the baby out. That the doctor will cut them "here" (showed him where), and pull the baby out, and then they sew the mommy back up and everyone is good to go. Luckily he seemed satisfied with that answer and didn't ask how the other mommies get their babies out. I think my heart was in my throat until I realized that conversation was over. Whew!

26 week OB Appointment

I got a phone call from my doctor's secretary on Tuesday. I failed my 1 hour glucose test by 25 points (my glucose at 1 hour was 165 and needed to be 140 for me to pass. I failed the 1 hour test as well when I was pregnant with Jack, but I only failed it by 8 points with him. My OB feels I will probably pass the test because she said most of the time if it's below 200, you don't have any trouble passing the 3 hour. Here's hoping! Needless to say, I get to do the 3 hour glucose tolerance test this coming Monday after I take Jack to school. I am dreading this because I remember how cruddy I felt when I had to go in after fasting with Jack, and wait 3 hours to eat. I thought I was going to throw up, but was amazed when I didn't. This time, I have to get up earlier because I have a little boy to get ready for school, feed him breakfast while I take my zofran and hope for the best. I figure by the time I get to eat, I'll have been up for 5 hours with an empty stomach. Oh well right? I just pray if I do throw up, it's not until the test is over because I don't want to have to drink that sickeningly sweet syrup twice.

My OB appointment was today. First thing was my weight. I am up one whole pound since my 10 week appointment (my first OB appointment this pregnancy). I'm ok with this, and my OB didn't seem concerned. Second thing was to take my blood pressure. I felt fine with the exception of having had really bad headaches the last 3 days. My initial blood pressure was 140/78. They rechecked it at the end with me lying on my left side for 5 minutes and it was 118/76 which is what I've been running, so we were all happy with that. I told my OB that in my paranoia after hearing I'd failed the glucose test, I tried to measure myself and thought I was measuring about 28 weeks. She said I was right where I should be at my 22 week appointment, but of course, we'd check it this time too. Sure enough, she said I was right between 27.5 and 28 weeks with my measurement. She's not going to worry too much about it until we see where I am at my next appointment.

Lastly, I had to ask because I just didn't understand the explanation I got from the gynecological surgeon back in November about the hysterectomy and why I wouldn't be able to have it done at the same time as a c-section if I had to have a c-section for some reason. My OB explained that normally (not pregnant), the blood vessels around the uterus and ovaries are very thin, so when they remove them, it's not alot of blood loss. However, when the woman is pregnant the blood vessels are dilated to about two finger-widths and so the risk of hemorrhaging is huge. THANK YOU. Finally, someone willing to explain it to me. I'm not arguing about when it's done, I just wanted to know the reasoning on why it couldn't be done at the same time as a c-section. Now it all makes perfect sense.

Charlie has been very active, to the point of scaring me sometimes. I just worried he'll get himself tangled in his cord like Jack did, and since there isn't a way for us to know if his cord is short like Jack's was, well, I get worried sometimes. My OB said her more active child was NOT the one to end up with a nuchal cord, it was her more sedate one that did. Jack was definitely more sedate than Charlie is, although he also had his moments of high activity. This child just goes crazy after I eat and doesn't seem to stop for a while. I love watching my belly jump.

A friend and I were talking the other day about our pregnancies-we're both on our second child-she's had a couple of miscarriages between children however. She is due almost 3 weeks after me. I was telling her that I feel guilty because I feel like while I'm enjoying this pregnancy more than I did my first one (I'm telling you, I was more sick with Jack than with Charlie even though this pregnancy has involved IV's and other issues which I didn't have with Jack), I don't feel like I'm bonding with this child the same as I did with Jack. She isn't enjoying this pregnancy as much as she did with her first, but also doesn't feel as bonded. She thinks it's probably because we have other kids to chase around and worry about, we just don't have the free time that we did before to relax in the tub, stroking our tummies and talking to the unborn babies. Maybe that's it.

I remember about a week after my first transfer, taking a warm bath and just laying there talking to the embryos, begging them to stick around, telling them how much love we had for them, and how much we wanted them. I remember laying in the tub with my swollen belly talking to Jack, reading him stories, trying to force Archie to read him stories and talk to him. This time, I've taken one bath (there just isn't enough time), and I talked to him a little. I told him that we were so glad he was growing, and how blessed we felt, and how I was so excited for him to come out in January and meet his big brother. I'll talk to him here and there when he's overly active, asking him what it is he's doing in there. Jack will occassionally sing a song to him, and he's always kissing my tummy. Archie has started talking to him more as the weeks have gone on. I don't know, it's just different this time and I don't know why. Maybe I won't experience the shock and guilt that I did when Jack was born. I felt so bonded to him in utero, but when he was born, I felt so disconnected. I felt so guilty about that and I couldn't understand. Was it because I'd been awake for 27 hours before he was born, and I was just sheer exhausted? Was it normal? Was I going to be an awful mother? I confided in my best friend, and she said she felt the same way when her daughter was born 8 weeks prior. I felt better, but I still felt like an already awful mother.

I just have these fears, some valid, some probably not so much. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited, and grateful to be able to experience all of this again and to welcome another sweet boy into our family. We have more than enough love to give (heck, Jack would probably vouch for that when I'm squeezing him too tight in a hug, or smothering him in kisses). I'm just a little scared. One rocked our world. I don't think I got out of the house for the first 8 weeks before 10am, and I had trouble just figuring out what to do with him while I took a shower because all he wanted was to be held. I'm wondering (and trying to come up with a game plan) on how I'm going to handle two, let alone things like getting everyone up and dressed and out the door to take Jack to school by 8am. It's just going to mean earlier mornings and less sleep. If I thought I was in a fog for the first 3 months of Jack's life, I'm sure I haven't experienced anything yet, LOL.

Then I'm also dealing with the fears of an infertile. I've talked to a few of my infertile friends. IF is so hard. You work for years to start and build a family. We still have two embryos on ice. We've both said we're happy with two. But a couple of my friends have had their two, and thought that they were happy with that, only to say later, that they want another. Financially, two makes sense for us. We're out of money from the insurance to try again, so another cycle of thawing and FET would cost us totally out of pocket. We know twins would kill us financially, but it doesn't make sense to only put one back-especially when we've always put two back and only ever gotten pregnant with one. But with my luck, it would be twins. Don't get me wrong, we'd love them as much as our other kids, but the financial stresses on our family would be immense. I just can't see doing it. Jack tells us we need another baby all the time, and I keep telling him we're having another baby, and he says, "No, I mean after Charlie." Ugh. He wants that sister, LOL.

Believe me, if we got pregnant on our own (which I have to say after 6 years of trying, and 4 IVF cycles probably isn't going to happen since we tried on our own between cycles and before our first cycle), we'd gladly accept that blessing. I just don't think it's likely. I had prayed after Jack that we'd be one of "those" couples. You know, the ones who have to have treatment, and then they go on to magically conceive on their own afterwards...yeah, that wasn't us. So I can't imagine it would happen now. I've talked to Jack about being grateful for what God has given us. I have told him how hard we prayed for a baby, and how long, and how many doctor's appointments we had, and God finally gave Jack to us. Then I asked if he remembered how hard we prayed for another baby, and if he remembered all the appointments he went to with me to try to get ready for another baby and he said yes. I explained that God is finally giving us another baby-Charlie, and how grateful we are for him, and that we should be grateful that God had it in his plan to give us Charlie. That I feel like we have enough, but that if God gave us another baby without us having to go see the doctor's all the time, and without all of the things Mommy had to have done to give us Jack and Charlie, that we would welcome it with open arms.

It's hard to come to a decision we feel ok about as well for our embryos. Do we pay for them to be kept in storage? And if so, for how long? Is there a point when we don't want to go through anymore treatments? We could donate them so another couple out there could have a chance to have a child they've always wanted. But when I think about that option-as much as I'd like to be the person to do that, it feels like we'd be giving up two of our children for adoption, and as hard as we've worked to have our babies, prayed for them and wanted them, it seems so incongrous. It would be so hard to know that we had children elsewhere who weren't at home with us. After talking to Archie that's not something we're ok with either. But I also don't like the idea of letting them be thawed and just go. We worked so hard to bring life into this world. I'm not really sure what the answer is for us. It's something we're going to have to think, pray and talk about some more before any final decisions are made. We have until February to decide whether to store them for another year. Maybe we'll have made a decision by then.

Ok, I have to go, we're heading up tonight for my grandmother's services tomorrow. Hope you all have a great weekend.

26 weeks and Updates

So, today marks 26 weeks for us. Everything seems to be going well. I am still nauseous sometimes, and the heartburn is still an issue, but I'm taking a half-dose (75mg instead of 150mg) of zantac about every 6 hours, and it seems to be helping for the most part. I'm still taking zofran-sometimes it's 2 times a day, sometimes not at all, just depends on the day really.

The newest development started about two weeks ago-braxton hicks (some of which are painful), and heart palpitations. I had both of these issues with Jack as well, the braxton hicks started at 19 weeks with him, and the palpitations at about 20 weeks, so this is occuring later this pregnancy. When I was checked out for the palpitations with Jack, I had to wear a halter monitor for two days, and it showed that I was having brief runs of SVT which is basically where your heart is beating really fast. It makes me feel dizzy and short of breath and lasts for a few minutes. When I check my pulse while it is happening, my heartrate is fast and irregular. It can also be caused by hyperthyroidism which I have, however, I had my labs checked and had an endocrine appointment right as this started this pregnancy, and all of my labs are normal, and my thyroid on ultrasound is "quiet". So, my primary care doc ran electrolytes, thyroid tests again, and checked my hematocrit. My sodium is slightly low (the low norm was 136, mine was 135) so not really low-and besides, I'm supposed to keep my sodium low because of the kidney stone issues. My albumin was slightly low as well, however, I'm not swelling up like crazy either, some edema in my legs at the end of a 12 hour shift, but that's pretty normal I think. My thyroid levels all came back normal. My hematocrit was the only thing a little low and it was 32.6 (normal low is 36). So no real reason as far as I can tell from my labwork. My doc also ordered an event monitor for 2 weeks. I'm not sure how this is different from a halter monitor except maybe I can push a button when I am actually experiencing the palpitations, and I can probably take it off to take a shower which was a "no-no" with the halter monitor. I have to wait for it to come in to actually be able to wear it. I did my glucose test on Friday, and I'm hoping to have the results by my next OB appointment this coming Thursday.

In other news, my grandmother has been in inpatient hospice for two weeks today. My father, my half-sister, and I have been taking turns calling daily to check and see how she is doing. She's had some days where they were shocked at how alert she was (mainly the first two days after her admission), and other days like the last two where she does nothing but sleep, and isn't really arousable for family or staff. The last two days have been bad, and she's not had anything to eat or drink. Tonight, my dad's cousin called to tell him that she was informed that it is only a matter of days that my grandmother has left. I got teary (my father sounded like a mess as one would expect), but I don't think it's really hit me yet, or I've just worked myself to a point where I'm almost ok with it. I've had such conflicting emotions, and I've cried alot over the last two weeks between her, and people seeming to just look at me wrong setting me into tears (I've been a tad hormonal I think). It's just so hard. If you call and get news that she's had a good day-you think, "Great, I'm so glad she's had a good day." But then you think, "Yeah, but if she's really declining, tomorrow might not be so good, and this is just dragging things out." It's hard to know how to feel. It's not like someone who is suddenly and unexpectedly ripped from your life, and the only thing you can think is "I can't believe this is happening. Why? Why did this have to happen?" If you call and it's a bad day, you're thinking, "God, I just hope she's comfortable and not in pain." You're wondering if her fight is almost over. You're wondering if she's going to go that night and be greated by God and her husband in heaven. It's just so damn hard. So I'm teary, but I'm not hysterical. My dad's cousin told us that one of her bad days last week, she told my grandmom that soon she'd be with "Uncle Bob" (to my dad's cousin) again soon. He passed away 18 years ago. I did lose it that night. I was afraid she'd give up and go that night, but I was also hoping maybe it made it easier for her to let go of us here, and just go. Just be at peace. Please just continue to pray for her to be comfortable and to pass peacefully and surrounded by people who love her. **Edited to add-My grandmother passed away later this evening. My dad's cousin was with her and it was peaceful. Thank you for your prayers.

So that is my life in a nutshell at the moment. I have two belly pics to share with you tonight. I had too much going on two Sundays ago to do my 24 week belly pic, and to be honest, I've just been trying to keep my head above water the last two weeks between work, trying to get this house decluttered and more organized, and worrying about a million things to even think about a picture. We kept saying we needed to take it, and finally we didn't drop the ball tonight. The first picture is Jack in his normal excited form. He has moments where he could care less about Charlie (he told me the other day it's boring waiting to feel Charlie move), and moments where he's way too excited. This was one of those moments. The second is more reflective of what the belly really looks like. Enjoy.

22 weeks 6 days and Updates

Just a few things to update. I had my 22 week OB appointment on Thursday. Baby's heartbeat measured 145, and I'm measuring appropriately. I lost a pound. No big deal I don't think yet though. I've yo-yo'd back and forth with this pound for the last 12 weeks. I imagine soon enough I'll start gaining. It's not for lack of eating. I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed 2 boxes of Entenmann's Softee's donuts in the last two weeks, and the number of milkshakes I've had. The morning of my OB appointment, I had thrown up the crackers I'd eaten in an attempt to calm my nausea before getting out of bed, and after that, I was throwing up blood. I'm now trying zantac to see if that helps. I'm not sure if the blood was from all of the stress I've had this past week, or if it was just because of the irritation of my stomach, likely from all of the heartburn and reflux I've been experiencing. I'm guessing (and hoping) the latter.

My grandmother isn't doing well. She's more tired, feels cold, and her appetite just isn't great. Hospice home care came to do a referral for her on Wednesday. They did accept her into their program and the plan at this point is for them to visit her weekly (vs. monthly) and when it's appropriate, she will move into their inpatient hospice program. Through this hospice care she is receiving, she will get pastoral services (she's a strict Catholic, so I'm sure she would appreciate this), as well as a nursing assistant who will tend to her. The plan was to go up and see her this Sunday, however, I forgot that because we have a sticky childcare situation this week, my husband took off the nights I was scheduled, and in an effort to keep him from taking off in the middle of his work week, I picked up Sunday night. We would get back in time for me to shower and eat dinner before heading to work, and that's just not safe for anyone. So the plan is to go up next weekend and see her.

In other news, my sister called in the middle of the night on Tuesday night. Her two chihuahuas (8 and 11 years old) were attacked by a boxer and a pit bull, both off leash when she took them out for a potty run. Her dogs were on leash. The other dog owner took off with his dogs instead of staying to help and my sister had to pick up her two beloved dead dogs and carry them back into her apartment by herself. Dallas police claim that dogs are property, and they could only file a property damage report. One of my friends who is an attorney said that if they have a leash law (they do), they likely have a citation to go with it, here in MD it's called "Dog at Large". I think the dog owner should at the very least be charged with that. The problem is that they guy had been moving out of his apartment over a few day period prior to the attacks. I assured my sister that the apartment community would have to have his forwarding contact info on record so that they could return any security deposit. She had reported this guy previously (he used to have two boxers, but now just has the one, and the one boxer had tried to get to her dogs before, but she'd been able to keep them safe) more than once to the apartment community, but obviously nothing was done about it. In my anger, I told her she should take the box with Ben and Stitch to the leasing office, tell them thanks for not enforcing their policies and helping keep all the animals safe, and ask what they could do about it. I just think they have some responsibility in all of this. Then I told her she should call the local news because the police obviously could care less, and the same for the apartment complex, and yet, all she can think about right now is their broken bodies, and how lonely she is without them. Someone should be able to do something. Stitch was attacked last year by another dog (german shepherd I believe) and almost died. He was paralyzed for a time and had alot of brain swelling. My sister promised them then that she would protect them and just feels like she failed them. She is blaming herself, but yet, she was doing the responsible thing with walking them on lead. The other dog owner often took his dogs out off lead, and obviously didn't have control of them.

We don't have any other family members in TX, and so they were her family, she treated them as her children. I am so angry for her. If I could go to Dallas right now and fight this battle with the police and apartment community I would. She is devastated. And that dog owner should be ashamed of himself. My sister has said that when the boxer didn't listen the guy would beat him (sounds like a charmer), and so I imagine that he may have had past issues either with attacks or reports against him or his dogs and that's why he took off. I think Animal Control deserves a call as well. She just can't focus on that right now, she's so sad. She hasn't gotten to the angry part yet.

Please pray for my sister as she copes with the loss of her pups, and please pray for my grandmother that she be as comfortable as possible for however long she has left. Thank you in advance.

21 weeks 5 days

It only took one stick (and alot of pain as she fished around) to get my IV on Wednesday. Then it bruised throughout the day. I kept on top of flushing the IV more frequently in an effort to hopefully keep it through today, but I could tell when I flushed it on Thursday morning and it was so sluggish that it wasn't going to last that one more day. So I hung my last bag of IV fluids yesterday, pulled that sucker out when it was done, and called my OB today to ask her to discontinue my IV fluids. She and my urologist were both on board with this plan or I would have been calling to ask for a PICC.

While I had her on the phone, I asked if she'd gotten any official report on the ultrasound we had at 18 weeks. I wanted to know if they had cleared the baby's spine, or if perhaps we should schedule another look. She said that they cleared all three areas of the spine (cervical, thoracic, and lumbar), and that if they didn't have a good look, that they would have suggested further studies. It was read by a real radiologist, not just the tech who did the ultrasound. So this gives me a relief.

In other news, Jack finally got to feel the baby move once on Monday night. Since then, the baby has decided he likes to play games with his big brother, and everytime he's active and Jack puts his hand on my belly, the baby is perfectly still. Take Jack's hand off, and the baby moves. What a booger!

Now, I need to vent. As a NICU nurse at some point you will be the resus/triage nurse responsible for responding to calls in L&D. I'm pregnant, but not handicapped. I have no problem with going up for a resus for a c-section baby who may need help, or a meconium baby or any preemie. I did it throughout my pregnancy with Jack. I ran into a problem then, only because I looked at 30 weeks and thought, that is perfect, might need a little help breathing initially, but should do just fine. I was 29 weeks pregnant when we got a resus call for a 30 weeker. I went up for it like any other resus call, but something wasn't right with this baby. We couldn't get the baby's oxygen levels up, we couldn't get a breathing tube in the baby, anesthesia tried one of their devices and no matter what we did, we couldn't save this baby. One of the nurse practitioners was on this resus with me, and I didn't take it well when all was said and done. I was a week away from being where this baby was. One week. And we couldn't save this baby. Why not? Turns out the baby had a weird anatomy that no one knew about in utero, and there wasn't anything we would have been able to do to change what happened.

Now, come back to present day. I'll be 22 weeks pregnant on Sunday. I KNOW my baby isn't viable at this point. They wouldn't even try to resus my baby if I delivered next week, and I know that, and I'm fine with it because I know what the likelihood of problems would be for my child, and that's not a life. I am the resus nurse tonight. No biggie. It's part of the job. My charge nurse tells me there is a 23 weeker upstairs in active labor. Ok, no biggie. I know that with any 23 weeker, the baby may be too small to resus, or the resus may not go well and may end up in a full code, or the baby may just have the typical resus for that gestation, come down to our unit to be admitted, and go through all the normal stuff a 23 weeker would be expected to go through. The nurse practitioner (different from the one I was with in the above scenario), and the fellow don't think I should go up. They think we need to be realistic about what we're asking people to do. Seriously, I know my baby isn't viable right now, and it wouldn't be my first or tenth 23 week resus I went on. They want someone who isn't so close to the gestational age to go. I asked another nurse in my room who has an easy assignment if she'd mind going up for that one, that I'll handle the rest of them. She doesn't want to go because she MIGHT be pregnant. Are you freaking kidding me? And if you are indeed pregnant, do you think you won't have be resus for the next 36 weeks? That's not how our job works. I would totally get this if it meant being exposed to something that's not safe in pregnancy like varicella, herpes, toxoplasmosis, CMV, etc. I'm just frustrated. This is a person who in general, I usually get along with, but I am really irritated. She could be the nurse admitting this baby and not get a say in it at all, but you can't go up for a fifteen minute resus? Luckily there are a few other nurses who know how the job works who are willing to go up for this baby. At least I can count on most of my coworkers for good teamwork and support.

21 Week Update

Hello there! I know, I haven't been commenting, but I assure you've I've been reading the blogs I follow religiously, it's just not as easy to comment on my phone. I am going to make an effort to get better at this. It's been a long couple of weeks since I last posted.

We found out from my dad's side of the family that my grandmother is eating now which is great. But she has had the biggest decline they've seen in her since she had her stroke a few years ago which landed her in the nursing home to begin with. At this point, they are keeping her comfortable. Our plan was for all of us to drive up this past Saturday to visit her. However, with the threats being made, and the need to drive through tunnels or over bridges in New York, we decided the safest thing was not to risk taking out our entire immediate family (well almost, my sister is in TX, but it was supposed to be me, my dad, my mom, Archie, and Jack going up). So now we have to figure out when we are going to be able to go back up. I work all this weekend, and Jack starts an acting/singing/dancing class called Broadway Babies this Saturday and it's every Saturday for the next 7 weeks. I guess we'll have to plan on going up on a Sunday, or a weekday (less likely for a weekday as my schedule varies, Archie works and so does my dad). At this point, I just continue to pray for my grandmother, and pray that she knows we want to be there with her, and that we're praying for and thinking about her.

On the baby front, things are going better. We felt the baby move from the outside for the first time last night. Well, Archie and I did. Jack fell asleep with his hand on my belly waiting to feel the baby move on Saturday night. So sweet. I've decided not to worry about this little one's spine. Seriously, it's a fetus, they're supposed to be curled up. I think it's probably completely normal, and from what I can feel of this baby, he's got no problem moving around.

I continue to get IV fluids. It's taking more and more sticks to get access, so there has been some talk about a PICC line, but I measured my urine output over the weekend, and I've talked to both my urologist and OB, and they're both happy with my output at present. I'm eating ice chips and popsicles to boost it when I'm not feeling well enough to take in as much as I normally would in water, and it seems to be helping. My plan is at my OB appointment next week to ask to stop the IV fluids unless I develop a stone.

Not sure if I mentioned it on my last post after my OB appointment, but I was back up to my 10 week pregnancy weight at that appointment. Since I'm eating more frequently, and I have to admit I may have increased my intake of milkshakes (strawberry or chocolate, doesn't matter to me!), so I'm thinking my weight will probably have increased by a couple of pounds by next Thursday-yikes!!! I am also eating good things, it's not all junk. This baby seems to really like grapes and baby carrots, so those have been things I've tried to eat since the thought of salad (and texture after throwing it up once a couple of weeks ago at work) makes my stomach turn. The heartburn continues to be an issue, and TUMS continue to be my go-to for that. The heartburn with Jack didn't start until later in pregnancy than it did with this one, so I'm pretty sure this baby will have a good amount of hair too. I'm not throwing up too often, maybe once a week or so, although I have plenty of times I'm right on the edge and not too sure that I won't throw up. I still take the zofran, sometimes it's every 8 hours on the really bad days, and other days I don't need to take it at all.

I'll end this post with a picture of my belly at 20 weeks.

19 week Baby Update, Hurricane Irene, Grandmom's, and Earthquakes, Oh My!

It's been a few weeks since I posted. Just didn't have much going on really.

I've always wanted to go to California, a friend tried to convince me that San Diego is a great place to live. I could totally deal with the 70 degree temps year round and LOVE it, but they get those pesky wildfires and earthquakes which make me hesitant, not to mention I can only imagine the cost of living out there. I always wondered what it was like to be around when an earthquake strikes. Well, I got a little taste of it the other day. I can't say I was scared since I had no clue at the time that it was an earthquake. The east coast rarely gets them, but this one originated in Virginia (we're in MD), and was felt all the way up into Canada. We had just gone upstairs to take a nap, and had set Jack up at the foot of our bed with his DVD player. The bed started shaking and Archie and I looked at each other and then looked for Chance, our greyhound who had a seizure in the spring, but he wasn't in bed with us, so that couldn't be it. We thought it was our sleep number mattress malfunctioning because we kept hearing "clicking". Archie got out of bed and opened our bedroom door because Chance was crying in the hall. This, the dog who isn't disturbed by ANYTHING. We just kept looking at each other wondering what in the heck was going on. Then my mom called me from work to ask if we'd felt that. Oh! She said there was fire equipment outside of the hospital evacuating other buildings, and that they thought it was an earthquake. I got off the phone with her and found that I couldn't make any calls as cell service was disrupted, but I could get on facebook, and when I did, I saw that everyone else had seemed to feel the earth shake as well. We didn't have any pictures fall off the walls, or anything fall over, it wasn't that big of a deal, just interesting when you've never experienced anything like it. I'll bet our friends in California thought all the hyped up east coast people were pretty funny/ridiculous, but that would be like them getting hit with a tornado. Just not something you experience often.

Then, yesterday we got a little taste of Hurricane Irene. There was alot of damage from fallen trees in our area, and some power outages, but our family and home was unscathed. I had trouble sleeping last night with all of the wind and rain, but I'm happy to say our roof held up, and our sump pump did it's job so we didn't flood out our basement. We were supposed to go to Ocean City overnight last night and head home today, but that was obviously nixed. We got a phone call on Friday from our hotel telling us that they were evacuating everyone. So, no part of a vacation whatsoever this summer, but it is what it is.

Yesterday morning I got a forwarded email from my father, from his cousin who is the power of attorney for my grandmother in CT (he's in MD too). It seems that while we found out a month or so ago that her kidney function is declining (she has a history of kidney disease), and she is continuing to have problems with her blood pressure. Well, in this email, it turns out that on Wednesday when my grandmom went for her hair appointment, during the transfer from her wheelchair she got lightheaded and they helped her to the floor for her safety. Her legs which have been swollen even before her kidney function got worse, are worse yet, and her left leg is red and irritated. They started her on antibiotics. She's refusing to eat, even ice cream (normally a treat for her), and refusing to drink (including her cranberry juice-a favorite). His cousin is going back to check on her, and if she thinks it needs to be done, will ask the doc to reassess and possibly admit her to the hospital. The woman is in her 90's, and I know she won't live forever, but I wish it didn't have to be like this. Isn't a quick and painless death (like in your sleep) better than being sick for a long time, feeling miserable and finally succumbing to the illnesses? I'm just having a hard time even thinking about it.

On Thursday we had our big ultrasound to look at the baby's anatomy and gender. The baby has a 4 chamber heart which I am so happy about, and all of the vessels appear to be where they should be. The brain looked good, as well as the kidneys. Baby appeared to have all of it's fingers and toes, eyes, a nose, and cute little lips. We are having another boy! Jack said, "Oh, I really thought it was going to be a girl!" I explained that I think we all did, but now he'd have someone to play trains and cars with, and he has so much to teach his little brother about all of those things! He seemed ok with it after that.


The only thing that has me concerned about this ultrasound is that the baby wouldn't straighten out so they could make sure his spine wasn't curved. He was balled up and not very cooperative, and while they didn't see any major anomalies like spina bifida or anything like that, I'm worried. I'm worried that he didn't stretch out because he couldn't stretch out physically, maybe his spine won't allow him to do it. Which could lead to problems with his developing lungs. I'm sure everything is fine, but I may ask my OB if we could just take another look for my piece of mind, just of his spine. We'll see what she says. It's not like they could do anything about it in utero anyway, but I'd like to know what we're dealing with either way. The baby measured 19 weeks and 3 days, and my ultrasound was at 18 weeks and 4 days. I'm a little worried he'll be huge. I think Jack at 6 pounds 12 ounces did enough damage, I'd hate to think of what a bigger baby would do to me! I did ask my OB (knowing that my glucose test isn't until late October) if I needed to be worried about anything like gestational diabetes, and she said I'm not spilling glucose or ketones in my urine, so at this point she thinks we're ok for that. She said there can be up to a 10% error on the estimated size of the baby by ultrasound. Then she told me that her first baby was 6 pounds, her second was 8, and that by far, the 8 pound baby was so much easier on her body. That was reassuring. The ultrasound tech had said that they would probably do another ultrasound around 35-36 weeks to check the size of the baby prior to delivery, and that this is pretty standard now. That was news to me. The ultrasound I had with Jack at 19 weeks, was my last, they never checked for size and that was only 4 and a half years ago. I'll take it though.

I'm sure I'm worried over nothing, and I'm just not going to have two really easy, cooperative, flexible babies (my luck just isn't like that, and I got really lucky the first time with the whole easy baby bit), but I can't help but think about my little guy's ultrasound and that darn spine. We'll see what my OB says.

16 Weeks 2 Days

I wanted to post my belly pic. I don't really see much of a difference when I compare it with my pic from closer to 12 weeks, but I feel the difference. I started to feel this little one move last Wednesday. It's the best feeling, and it was my favorite part of my pregnancy with Jack, and I'm pretty sure it will be one of my favorites with this one as well. I usually only feel it when I'm lying really still, but occassionally it will be moving when I stand up at work, and that is the strangest feeling. I don't remember having it with Jack, but it just feels really heavy and weird really low. It usually stops moving after I've been moving for a minute, probably because it's being sloshed around in there and maybe it makes the baby fall back asleep.

Jack has started talking to the belly, or singing to it. The other night he put his mouth right against my lower belly and sang his ABC's, and I could feel the baby moving around. It was cute. Jack continues to remind me when baby names come up that he doesn't like one of our boy names (he actually really "hates" it), and reminds me of what variation of the girl name he'd want to call the baby. For a 4 year old, he sure is opinionated. I guess he comes by that honestly.

We have narrowed the baby names down. If it is a girl it will be Kate Elise (Jack wants to call her Katie which I told him was fine). If it is a boy, the only option we had that we could agree on but weren't over the moon (like we were with the name Jack) about was Charlie. NOT Charles, but Charlie. I really love that name, but I have conflicting feelings about it because Charlie sounds like a kid's name, but what about when he's an adult. I do not like the name Charles really. I figure there was Charlie Chaplin, Charlie Sheen (which makes me like the name a little less), etc., so it could work. Then a friend overseas in Australia told me that they have kids with the official name Charlie over there, and it's not thought of as a kiddie name. That made me feel a little better. My mom, Archie, Jack and I were in the car a week or so ago, and Jack brought up the name Joey. I like Joey, it's not a bad name. I don't mind the name Joseph, so that would be the official name, but we'd probably call him Joey. Except that Archie doesn't like Joey, so he said he'd call him Joe which I'm not a big fan of. I figure by the time the child can make the decision on what he wants to be called by friends, whatever name we call him by will stick with the family. Archie would like his official name (Archel- pronounced Arch-elle) to be the boy's middle name either way. I don't like it with Charlie, but with Joseph it sounds fine. BTW, Kate will be her official name, not Katherine. Katherine just sounds too formal to me. Kate and Jack are both classic names, and I love them both!

I'm still dealing with nausea and some occassional vomiting, but I've begun to eat every couple of hours (like 2 hours), and I will eat some crackers if I wake up to go to the bathroom just for fear of waking up really nauseous (which does occassionally happen). That coupled up with the zofran seems to be working pretty well. I'm still getting the IV fluids 3 times a week.

My next ultrasound and OB appointment are on August 25th-only 15 more days until we hopefully know what this baby's gender is!!! I'm hoping that by that time, I'll have this nausea under control and maybe we can stop with the IV fluids.

I just continue to pray that this sweet baby is healthy and looks great on my next ultrasound. We'll get to see it's little heart, and hopefully make sure things look normal. I see things that get missed on prenatal ultrasounds be present at birth when I'm at work and know that just because it looks normal doesn't mean it necessaily is, but if it doesn't detect anything major, I will have faith that this baby will be ok.

As a random side question, do any of you watch Big Brother on CBS? I am a total addict!

15 weeks 0 days

Today I am 15 weeks exactly. I do have a few things to report. As of Friday, if I hadn't thrown up, I would have made it 3 weeks. The fact that I almost made it that far, is great. I was so hopeful however to be able to be done with these IV's. A week and a half ago, I honestly thought I'd go to the OB appointment and be able to say I didn't need them. Then last week the nausea was back with a vengeance, late Wednesday night I started with a sore throat, by Thursday night was starting with a cough, and with the nasty cough, gagging. I've thrown up twice in the last 3 days, but honestly, I think alot of it has to do with the post nasal drip, and the coughing triggering it. I wasn't feeling great earlier in the week with the nausea, but I think I probably could have kept from throwing up, MAYBE. One morning I went to my mom's office to pick up Jack and told her I felt like I was going to throw up, and she told me to go do it in the bathroom before I got on the road. But the point is to NOT throw up, and I was bound and determined to keep it in as long as I could. Can't say I didn't try.

The acid reflux has also kicked up a notch. I remember toward the end of my pregnancy having to sleep sitting up on pillows in my bed because if I didn't I'd wake up choking on my own stomach acid in the middle of the night, not being able to breathe, and then throwing up. I'm not that bad yet. However, if I lay down, I'm in such bad pain it's ridiculous. Two tums (used to be my go-to) only cut it for about 10-15 minutes and then I'm back in pain again. Milk occassionally helps, it's hit or miss. I may try Maalox next. I don't want to be taking anything like zantac on a regular basis, I just want something for when it's really bad and Tums won't cut it.

I went to my OB appointment on Friday. She didn't measure me, or even palpate my abdomen to see what I was talking about, but she tells me that it's certainly not my uterus that I feel at my belly button. She said it's a fluke. I told her I can feel it plain as day. She assures me it's not, that my uterus is only a few inches above my pubic bone at this point, the only way it would be at my belly button at this point is if my dates were wrong (which we know they're written in stone, no mistaking that), or if I was pregnant with multiples which we also know I am not. So I have no idea what it is I can feel, but I will tell you that it stays mostly on my right side (where I felt the pop a few weeks ago with all that pain-she said that was probably ligaments stretching) and if I push on my right side, I can feel something on the inside (not on the outside) bulge over to the left. It also continues to rise in my abdomen, a few weeks ago this non-uterus was below my belly button and now it's not. No idea what it is if it's not my uterus, but I'll just take her word for it. She is the expert after all, not me!

She did doppler the baby's heartbeat which took a little work to find (maybe because she was looking right above my pubic bone and found it about an inch or two down from my belly button), and it was 149. It's getting lower and lower as the baby gets bigger. Not sure what that means for the gender. This baby started off in the high 160's, at our first trimester screen and ultrasound was at 157, and now is at 149. Crud, speaking of the first trimester ultrasound, I forgot to ask if she had my bloodwork back! I will call tomorrow. She told us to schedule our anatomy ultrasound and next OB appointment for 4 weeks. We will know whether this baby is a boy or a girl on August 25th!!!! We cannot wait.

I worked Totswap again this week, and again, I refused to buy anything for the baby. I saw a ton of cute stuff, but I really won't need many boy things if it is a boy because I saved most of the baby stuff and haven't sold it yet. However, if it's a girl, I already have images of cute little dresses, skirts and outfits swirling around in my mushy brain! The next Totswap sale is in October, so I will definitely be able to shop then.

If you haven't already, I have a poll on the right side of the blog for the baby's gender. You have just over 25 days left to vote, so please make sure you do!!!

13w4d

I haven't thrown up in almost 2 weeks, how awesome is that?!?! I still have bouts of nausea, although yesterday I thought I was finally over that hump. You see, in the last week I've been taking my zofran once, maybe twice on a bad day. That's a big improvement for me. All of a sudden yesterday it was like a switch was flipped and instead of being nauseated, I was ravenous. No joke, I could have eaten everything I saw (except for the things that repulse me), and still been hungry. Until last night. We had lasagna for dinner, and like I've mentioned before, tomato based things like tomato sauce, just don't sit well with me this pregnancy. I had lasagna a week ago though and it stayed down and I'd even had seconds, so I thought maybe this would be ok. After dinner I debated whether I should have even eaten the lasagna, or if my nausea was because I was still hungry. Then I was dealing with bad heartburn. I didn't eat because until yesterday, small meals stayed down, large meals didn't, and I didn't want to tempt fate. I felt miserable all night, and it took me forever to fall asleep, even after I ate some Tums like they were candy to try and help with the heartburn. I woke up throughout the night with acid reflux that tempted me to throw up, but I didn't. All day today my stomach hasn't been right and I've gagged a few times, threatening to end my NON-THROWING UP streak.

In other news, there is definitely something "there". I can feel it when I try to sit up or bend over. Something popped and hurt like heck the other day when I bent a certain way, and I had cramping and round ligament pain all night that night at work, but that's better thank goodness. But, you can feel how the lower part of my abdomen beneath my belly button is harder, and it definitely doesn't give when I bend over, so there is something growing in there, getting bigger, and I'm noticing the difference. Jack and Archie also notice it and are very affectionate towards the little popsicle. It melted my heart the other night when we were getting ready for bed, and Jack told me he wanted to sing a song to the baby. He seems to be going through a phase where he is getting shy when people watch him, so he told me he didn't want me to "smile, laugh, or look at me" while he did it. I thought to myself, "But you're being so darn cute, that may be impossible" and tried to put on my best poker face and not look at him. He then proceeded to sing in a whisper "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to my lower belly. I cannot convey how incredibly cute this was. I told him I thought the baby might not have been able to hear his whisper, that he should sing it louder, at which point he said, "Yeah, it can't hear me because it's in your belly!!!" I couldn't figure out how to explain that actually when it's bigger and still in my belly it will be able to hear his voice, so I just told him that I was sure the baby heard him and enjoyed his song, and silently wished I'd never told him that I thought he needed to be louder than a whisper.

I'm still not doing too well with my water intake. I knew I needed more last night after dinner but with my stomach being so sour, I was really afraid to attempt it, and it just continued all night last night and today. I tend to do alot better with my water intake at work and in the heat. My theory is that when it's hot, obviously you get thirsty, but at work in the hospital the air is so dry, and so I am constantly thirsty, and I find that when I leave work in the morning even after 48 ounces of water, my throat feels like I need more. So work isn't necessarily a bad thing for me especially when it comes to needing to drink more.

I see my urologist tomorrow and will discuss stopping the IV fluids next week if everything continues on the path it is, and then my next OB appointment is next Friday, July 29th (also my sister's 29th birthday!). I haven't heard anything from the genetics counselors, so I'm hoping it doesn't mean something is wrong (we heard back in a week with Jack, and we are at 2 weeks now with this one) and they are waiting for my doc to tell me. That said, I hope she has some results from the bloodwork that she can share with us. I'm also curious to find out where my uterus should be measuring. I realize that you get bigger quicker with subsequent pregnancies, but I'm just wondering what is normal at this point. With Jack, she told me at 20 weeks, my uterus should be at my belly button level. It is 1cm beneath that now which is where I was at about 19 weeks with Jack. It has me a little worried, but I'm trying not to worry too much until I can ask my OB if it's normal for a second pregnancy to have my uterus measuring that large. I'm also going to talk to my OB about possibly stopping the fluids and hopefully she and my urologist will both be on board and feel that I'm at a good enough place to do this.

12 weeks 5 days

Not much new here. I stopped my progesterone and del estrogen shots, spotting started before they were ever stopped, and it's been off and on, but nothing to worry about. If I can make it through the rest of the day, then the last time I threw up would be a week ago-YAY! I'm still nauseous, but it tends to be worse in the afternoons/evenings than any other time of day. I am taking the zofran whenever I start to feel "off" and most of the time, it at least takes the edge off.

This week I worked Totswap which is a huge kids consignment sale in our area. It goes to 3 locations, and I have worked 2 of the 3 this year so far, the other one I won't do because it's too far away and just not convenient for me. When you volunteer, you get earn a higher rate on the comission of your items you sell. So I usually volunteer for two 4 hour shifts to earn the higher rate. You're supposed to cancel your shift 24 hours prior to the start of the sale setup if you're going to cancel on them. So the night before-no joke, 11:15pm, I get an email from the organizers saying that they had just found out that the location for the sale this time didnt have any air conditioning. Are you kidding me? We were in the middle a heat wave earlier this week!!! And I'm already on IV fluids. I talked to the nurse who came to start my IV Wednesday morning, and he suggested I call my doc and ask them to order me an extra bag of fluids for this week since I'd pretty much be replacing what I was already losing through sweat and the heat. My OB did it, but also thought I probably shouldn't do the sale. She's right, I shouldn't have, but it was too late for me to cancel. I made it through the day fine with some really lame looking neck coolties (hey, it worked) that you soak in ice water and they plump up and keep you cool for about a half hour. I drank 2 liters of fluid in the 4 hours that I was there on Wednesday and never went to the bathroom until 2 hours after my shift was over, so I guess I was just replacing what I'd lost. I didn't feel too bad though, and I tanked up with fluids when I got home. I did the sale again yesterday and while it was still really warm in the building (about 5 degrees cooler than the day before), I didn't use the neck ties, I drank 2 liters of fluid, and I went to the bathroom twice while I was there, so I think my fluid status was pretty good. I gave myself more IV fluids last night and again today. Back to the normal routine next week.

As far as this pregnancy there are some similarities and yet some differences from my pregnancy with Jack. The smell of just about anything cooking, but particularly meat cooking still turns my stomach which was the same as my first pregnancy. My sense of smell is definitely in overdrive, and I don't remember it being like this with Jack. I mean, yes, smells bothered me with him, but I smell things now and am instantly gagging.I am definitely not as sick as I was with him which is great (throwing up 5 or 6 times a day was really overkill). I remember very early in my pregnancy with him, Taco Bell was the only thing that worked to tide my nausea over for a little while. That lasted until about 8 week and then nothing was appetizing and I couldn't even walk through a grocery store to go shopping with Archie without embarassing myself. I craved nothing else through my pregnancy with him except for sleep-it was the only time I felt decent. With this baby, for about a week, I craved Triscuits and squeeze cheese (I know), and ice cream has been a constant craving for me, but I'm careful not to overdo it. I will admit that in the beginning, I visited a local ice cream shop on an almost daily basis for ice cream. Now I haven't been there for about 3 weeks to a month, and I'm doing just fine :) I crave Fruity Pebbles and Fruit Loops for breakfast. I can tell you that I CANNOT tolerate spaghetti sauce or tomatoes. It's the strangest thing because a few weeks ago I could, and I loved tomatoes on my salad, and then the other day, it all came back up. Won't make that mistake again! I'm loving cantaloupe, grapes, and baby carrots. And this is completely random, but I noticed it on July 4th when I HAD TO HAVE IT, my favorite snowball flavor is usually Rootbeer, but all I want now is Skylite snowballs (which I usually do not much care for). Matter of fact, that snowball/ice cream place is close to the library where I have a book on hold to pick up, and I'm thinking it sounds mighty delicious!

I had an endocrinology appointment for my thyroid earlier this week. I was excited to go and be weighed (I know, goofy isn't it?) since I figured it would be a pretty consistent scale. I forgot my doc switched offices, but this is a brand new scale and it matches what my scale at home does, so total, I'm down 3 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm still up 9 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight with Jack, but hey. But, I'm starting to be able to eat more than one meal a day now, so I expect my weight to go back up soon. My thyroid was quiet, and he said essentially I am showing no signs of Grave's disease right now, so that's great. He did say that my TSH was a little low, but that's totally normal for even pregnant women without thyroid problems. I have to get labs done again in about a month, and my next appointment with him is in 6 weeks. He said I will probably be able to come off of my medication at that point, and I will still have to be closely monitored (even more so after delivery where he said things can get really wonky), but I will be able to be off of the medication.

I was due for an appointment with my urologist this morning, but his secretary called me this morning to cancel as he had a death in the family last night. I am rescheduled to see him next Friday morning.

Next Saturday, Archie, Jack, myself and my father are going to make the 11 hours in one day trip to visit my Grandmother for an hour. This is the one I have written about before who has really bad dementia. Last time I saw her was November, and she thought I was her neice and that my Grandfather was alive (he's been dead for 18 years). It was a really hard visit as this was the worst we'd seen her mentally. Her kidney disease is getting worse, but she's not at the point where they would think about dialysis (if she was healthy, she's not and would never be a candidate at 92 years old, but even if she was healthy, she's not that far yet to be considered from what I can gather). Every time I go up, I wonder if it will be the last time we'll see her, and it makes it really hard when I can tell she's slipping further and further away. I'm looking forward to seeing her, but not at the same time if that makes any sense.

We forgot to take a belly pic at 12 weeks, so we took one today. I will tell you that while I look pretty pregnant, most of the top part of my belly is just fat (I thought I looked pregnant before I ever really was), and whatever has been pushed out of the way and up by my growing uterus. The lower part of my belly is mostly baby with at least a layer of fat over it, LOL. My uterus is about an inch below my belly button which has me a little worried that either this kid is going to be really big, that I might have gestational diabetes (with Jack, I failed the first test and was sure I'd fail the second but didn't), or that I might have polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid). I know, I'm a little paranoid being an NICU nurse, I can't help it. I also know that your uterus gets bigger quicker with subsequent pregnancies, so maybe that's it, but I still can't help but wonder if this is normal. With Jack I wasn't up to my belly button until 20 weeks and that was normal, and now I'm 2cm below it, that's normal for an 18 week pregnant woman!!! And yes, I'm sure there is just one in there :)