Hope

It's funny, on my way into work tonight, I felt hopeful. I actually felt like this cycle would work and I would get pregnant. Friday doesn't worry me, I'm sure the transfer will go fine, and I'm sure that my embryos will survive the thaw and be ready to go back "home". What makes me nervous is the two weeks following it.

My plan is to go grocery shopping on Thursday and stock up on lots of salad, tuna (to go with my salad because I normally like my salads without meat, but I'm sure if I'm trying to do them twice a day for most days during my tww, that I'll be bored with plain veggie salads quickly), pineapple already sliced and cored (so I can cut the core up and eat it for the first 5 days post transfer), and lots of fruits.

Some of you may be thinking, "What's up with the pineapple core???" Well, it may be an old wive's tale but there are people who swear by it and I figure it won't hurt anything. Evidently pineapple in general contains an enzyme called bromelain which breaks down protein, but the core contains the most concentrated amounts of it. It isn't all absorbed or broken down during digestion and some is believed to be transported to the uterus and able to aid with digesting some of the proteins that need to break down for implantation of an embryo to take place. Pineapple meat and the juice itself is cautioned in pregnancy as it can cause uterine contractions and thus miscarriage, so I will only eat it for 5 days, and I will try to eat as little of the meat as possible.

Friday my plan is to take the monkey to school, go for my transfer when it's time, and come home and not move except to go to the bathroom and up to bed when it's time. Saturday morning I'm going to go with my mom and Archie for Jack's soccer game. I'll basically be holding our waters and sitting my rear in a camping chair to watch the game. I feel comfortable with this since with our first cycle (the only successful one), I had a flea market with my mom and Archie the day after our transfer and was up and about and it still worked. That's about the extent of my galavanting around for Saturday. Jack has a birthday party to go to in the afternoon, and while I'd really like to go, I need to just take it easy to feel like I did EVERYTHING. The rest of the day I plan to lay on the couch/bed and hopefully get some extra snuggling in with my boy. Sunday I'm still debating about going to church since I already have an activity planned for the day-going out to lunch/dinner with my mom, hubby and Jack. Then, as the rest of the days, I will be riding the couch. Monday I will take Jack to school and probably just relax as well. I am signed up for OT, but I'm kind of hoping not to get it. I know, I sound lazy, but they say 48-96 hours post transfer for implantation, so I'm trying to maximize my lounging time. And let's be honest, who doesn't like to just chill?

Tuesday night I'm back to work and that will be good because by then I should be going stir crazy and anything that was going to happen as far as implantation is concerned, should have already taken place. It will either be, or it won't. And then I'm off again until Friday. This is the time period (Wed-Fri) where I may start to get a little, um, off. This is about the point where my brain starts to play games with me. I need to find an outlet to keep me nice and mostly distracted.

I think IF I do decide to test early, it will be Sunday the 22nd, simply because I work that Wed/Thurs before (so not real first morning urine), that Friday I'm off, but I have to drive up to CT to see my grandmom that Saturday with my dad and I need to be in a good mentality for that trip, and then I'm back to work Monday night. We'll see what happens. I'm not sure I'll test, although no doubt I'll be incredibly tempted. I've never tested before, and if I have the willpower, I won't be testing until the beta. If my beta is good, I may test just for giggles since I've never seen a pink line for myself (didn't even do it after we found out we were pregnant with Jack).

On more depressing news, Angie from Random Thoughts from Angie is going to be having her d&c the same afternoon as my transfer where I'm hoping to sustain new life. It seems so messed up to have such an incongruence on the same day, but I guess it can't all be rainbows and butterflies all of the time (I'd much prefer if it was!). I'm praying for her as that day approaches. I've been praying since I got to work tonight for a coworker whose little girl passed away this morning. Her mom had IF as well, and had her little girl in our unit at 27 weeks gestation, 6 years ago. She had been fighting for her life for the last 10 weeks, and her body gave out this morning. She was her mother's only child. With Mother's Day coming up, I know it is going to be so extremely hard for her. I feel bad because even though this coworker lives right down the road from me, I likely won't attend her daughter's funeral because it will probably be right after my transfer (and even worse, Mother's Day weekend), and I feel like I need to keep my stress levels as low as possible, but I will pray my heart out for their family. They could use alot of prayers, so if you pray, please include them. I'll also be praying for my bloggy and forum friends who have lost a child or have empty arms and are facing this tough day coming up (not that most days aren't tough, but Sunday will be tougher than most). If you and I correspond and you fall into this category, you can know that you're getting extra prayers sent your way.

Please Pray

Hi guys. Yesterday had to be a happy post because it was my sweet little boy's birthday. Today I'm here to ask you for prayers.

Friday evening we were heading to a coworker's holiday party when my best friend called. The roads were icy and I didn't answer the phone. She left a message which I got when I parked the car at the party. She said, "We got some news at work today, call me when you can." She sounded upset, so I called her back immediately. She asked if I was at the party and I told her I had just gotten there, and she asked if I'd heard the news. We hadn't yet gone inside, so I was clueless as to what this news was about. I told her no, and she proceeded to tell me that a former coworker of ours passed away that afternoon at our hospital. She was a fellow NICU nurse who had gone on to become a neonatal nurse practitioner and had been working at another hospital nearby.

I had just spoken to her recently on facebook. She was due any day with their son, and she had a 3 year old daughter who she loved so much. She was looking forward to meeting their little boy. She had been out of work since early in her pregnancy due to being so sick and just wanting to make sure the baby was ok. She must have been bored sometimes because her facebook statuses in the evenings were usually running commentary on whichever show she was watching that night (she loved Real Housewives of Atlanta). She always commented or "liked" your statuses, she kept up with everyone. When she still worked with us she was always smiling, always mild mannered and even-tempered, and always seemed to try to find the best in people. She was just a great woman, beautiful and loving mother and wife.

Friday morning at 4am, she had a c-section. She met her little boy, and quickly thereafter her husband was asked to step out as she was bleeding uncontrollably. They tried their best and then transferred her to our hospital where attempts were made, but ultimately she passed. She leaves behind her 3 year old daughter, newborn son, husband, and parents. She was an only child. Her best friend is one of our neonatal nurse practitioners (she was also one of our nurses-they went through the practitioner program together), and almost 37 weeks pregnant. This has been incredibly hard on her as well, they were so close. This should have been a happy time for them to share with their new babies and each other.

Please pray for Shawnee's family, her sweet children, her husband, and her best friend that they can all find their way through this, and that she is at peace. I know she is in the Lord's Heaven but I don't understand why this happened to such a great person, someone whose children needed her. Not that it should happen to anyone, but why her? Please pray for them.