Back to School and Charlie (7 months)

Ok, I know, I know, where are the pictures I promised like a month ago? They're coming, really they are! I've been working and running around like a crazy person (wow, two kids is something!), and my laptop at home is almost kaput, so...excuses, excuses! I really will work on this tonight.

My big boy started kindergarten this year. I can't believe he's old enough for that. I can't believe a lot of things. When we bought our house we were on the 5 year plan. "It's a great starter house, but we'll be out by the time our kids start elementary school." Famous last words. What we didn't expect when we bought our house at the height of the market was for it to crash as hard as it did. So, now we're on the new 5 year plan-the "before Charlie starts elementary school" plan. I have an adorable Pin.terest inspired picture of Jack on his first day of kindergarten to post here, but as usual, I'll have to post it when I'm not at work. We picked him up from his first day on Monday and asked him how his day was. His response, "It was MAGNIFICIENT!" He was so excited and everyday since when we pick him up, we're told his day was magnificient (with a little less enthusiasm). This is a very welcome change as he didn't seem to really like preschool as much as he's liking the "big school".

His teacher seems really nice, she also goes to our church (he goes to a private Christian school, and we're members of the church there as well). She does a good job of keeping us up to date on what they're doing, and we really like that since sometimes getting that kind of info from Jack is a little difficult. But if we want info on how many times they went outside to play, or who he played with, or which kid didn't earn a dollar at school today, then we're full of info! The earning a dollar thing is what our teacher does to encourage good behavior. The kids can earn fake dollars (one a day) for showing good behaviors. If they earn green or blue (Jack says blue is better than green and means you've had excellent behavior), they get $1 for the day. If you are on yellow or red, you don't. When you've earned $6, then you can "buy" something from the teacher's treasure box (which the parents have supplied the goodies for). Jack has $5 so far, and he's looking forward to going back to school on Tuesday to earn another. And one last thing-I thought I was going to hate that they have to wear uniforms. I LOVE it. First of all, he is just so darn cute in his uniform. Secondly, I don't have to worry about matching outfits together-I only have to worry about making sure he's got a clean, neat uniform to wear the next day. It doesn't get any better than that!

I miss having Jack at home, and being able to be spontaneous about what we do that day. Or being able to decide to skip a day at school and do something fun instead because it's "preschool" not "real school" and by real school I mean that his attendance counts, where at preschool it doesn't. I miss Jack being able to help me with Charlie when I need to go get something from the kitchen or from another room. I miss Jack just coming up to my room when I'm napping for work and snuggling into bed with me and deciding that he wants to nap with me without being asked or talked into it. That being said, I like feeling for a few hours each day that I only have one child to worry about. I drop Jack off, and Charlie and I will go to the grocery store and walk around, we lounge around the house, and the only time I have to worry about what time it is is when it gets close to 3pm and I have to worry about waking Charlie up from his nap to go get Jack. That part is nice.

In other news, Charlie is 7 months old. Actually I guess he's about 7.5 months old now. He began pulling to a stand on his own about a week before the 7 month mark. We heard him on the monitor, and Jack went to Charlie's room to see what he was doing and I heard a gasp and then, "Mommy! You better come here, quick!" Of course, the first thing going through my mind is "Oh no!" Well, maybe not no, but that's cleaner to say. So I hightail it to Charlie's room, and look in, and the child is standing up in his crib and smiling at me. I had to run back to my room to grab my phone because I didn't think Archie would believe me and of course, I had to get a picture. I'll post that later too. Charlie started crawling 3 days before his 7 month birthday. It was only a couple of "steps", but he was doing it. He started while we were on vacation at our friend's house. I think he was motivated by the "older" kids being able to get around and do what they want. Since then he's been more happy. I have video of him crawling to me from last week that I'll try to post.

In addition to pulling to a stand, and crawling, he is now trying to walk if you hold his hands. He can take a few steps this way. He also likes to show off by holding onto furniture while he's standing and letting go and just holding on with one hand and smiling at you. The big boy also has two teeth now, and I swear he's working on more. Between the crankiness, and the way he bites my finger or anything else he can shove in his mouth, there's no doubt that more are coming in.

Charlie goes to bed at about 7:30 most nights, and for me, he usually wakes up between 3 and 4:30 wanting to nurse, and then sleeps until about 6:30 or 7. That said, he has nights where he sleeps straight through until 5:30am. He seems to sleep better at his grandmom's or for his dad. My suspicion is that if I put him to sleep, he knows that if he wakes up and wants milk and screams loud enough and long enough I will come and I will feed him. God love him, breastfeeding was the one thing I wanted to go right this time, and it has, but he thinks he owns these things! He cries any time that I leave his sight. The only time I can get away with it is if he's interested in something before I sneak away. And usually by the time I get down to the basement and start to load the washing machine, I can hear him crying for me. He's been more clingy the last few days and I'm not sure why. Maybe teething, maybe because Jack's back in school and it's disrupted the routine, maybe he just wants to know his boobs aren't far away, I don't know!

He does still spit up, but usually that's all it is, not throwing up. I did test the waters while we were on vacation and have some forbidden things, and initially he tolerated it ok, but the night before we left to come back home he had a bout of diarrhea, and then the night that we got back, he was up frequently during the night and screaming high pitched like someone was trying to kill him. And the other day I don't think I ate anything bad for him, but I must have because he was throwing up quite a bit for my mom. So, back to restricting my diet. We meet with the allergist again in October, and I'm interested in picking her brain about what to feed him yogurt-wise. At this point we were giving Jack that Yo-baby yogurt and he loved it, but I'm just not sure with Charlie. I eat coconut milk yogurt (only the mango flavored, or I'll get plain and cut up strawberries to mix in and that's good too), but I think coconut can be pretty allergenic so I didn't want to go there until we have an ok. Someone at work suggested goat's milk yogurt. I can't say I've seen that, but I wasn't really looking for it either at the place we usually go to get my "special" butter, yogurt, etc. We see the GI doc again in November or December.

I feel so much pressure this year. I don't know what it is. Jack had talked briefly about playing a sport this fall. He either wanted "real" football (he played flag football this past Spring and loved it, but now wants to play "real" football-yikes!) or baseball. I hate to say it because I think that it would be great for him to do, but I just feel like I can't handle it. Charlie's a handful-he's very busy, much more active than Jack was at this age, and he wants to be into EVERYTHING. Jack has school all day, and 2-3 weeknights I have to work which means we get Jack from school then we're making dinner/getting ready for work, and I'm rushing around to get stuff ready for work and for them to go to their grandmom's house, and that's chaotic enough but to add in a sport at least one night a week and maybe a day on the weekend? I just feel like that's too much right now. Not that it will be better when Charlie is actually walking and I've got to chase him around when Jack's trying to play a game and I want to be watching him. Do any other parents feel this pressure or is it just me? Either way, I haven't signed him up for anything. I just don't have the energy to try to keep up with all of that right now.

That's my update for now. Hope all is well with my bloggy friends out there!

Charlie at 6 months

Sorry, no pictures this post as I'm at work and can't upload any, but I promise to post some soon.  At his 6 month appointment on his actual half-birthday (the 19th of July), Charlie weighed 19 pounds 14 ounces, and was 27.25 inches long.  Big boy!  That said, it seems his growth is slowing down a bit.  It's ok, he's still totally within normal statistics, I just think it has something to do with him rolling everywhere.  He's not "mobile" as of yet if you consider "mobile" to be crawling or walking, but that's not far off.  He does roll everywhere and is a very active boy.  He stands (he's been doing this for a while, mainly because he stiffens his little legs and so that's the only option!), and can even stand leaning against something without assistance.  He's got some strong legs!  He gets up on his hands and knees and rocks back and forth, so as soon as he can coordinate those arms and legs, he'll be officially "mobile".  He is a LOUD talker.  He says "mamamamamama" and when he does, he tucks his lips in.  I think it's so funny and so cute, I have a video that I'll post if I can figure out how. 

On July 30, his first little tooth broke through the gum surface, but it's still taking it's good time coming in all the way.  He enjoys food!  His favorites seem to be fruit-he's only had two-bananas and pears and he loves both.  He's also had rice cereal and oatmeal, as well as sweet potatoes, avocado, carrots, peas, zucchini, and squash.  He HATES peas and green beans.  We can disguise peas in some sweet potato and he will eat it then, but we started the green beans last night and mixed a little sweet potato in with alot of green beans and he was gagging and wretching like he does with too much peas.  Poor kid!  We'll have to work on that.

Is it too early for separation anxiety to start?  I swear, if you're out of his line of vision, he has a complete meltdown!  He's challenging at times, and rather demanding, but I love this little monkey so much.  I love watching his older brother play with him, love on him, and help care for him.  I loved this summer how when I'd pick Jack up from the camp bus, that he'd hop into his seat next to Charlie and start talking in a cute little voice to his baby brother.  I love how proud Jack is of his brother-how we go to the pool or a playground and Jack will make "friends" with complete strangers (kids), and then I'll hear him say, "Hey, want to see my baby, come here!"  I love how when Jack walks into a room and Charlie so much as hears him, his eyes light up and he smiles and wants to see what Jack is into.  This is what I always wished for, what I always wanted.  We are so blessed and I thank God everyday for the time I have with these boys. 

Just Call Me Slacker

Just call me "Slacker".  I just looked at my last post and Charlie was almost 4 months old, I was going to post after his 4 month pediatrician appointment and here it is 2 months later!  Sorry!

When I last left you, Charlie wasn't measuring up well enough for the GI doc, I was eliminating egg (in addition to the previously eliminated dairy, soy and crab), and we were thickening his bottle feeds when I was at work.  The following week we had his 4 month pediatrician appointment and go figure, I was right with his weight as luck would have it.  The GI doc's scale needed to be recalibrated.  The boy weighed 17 pounds and was 26.5 inches long which is 88th percentile for weight and 92nd for height.  The child doesn't have any problems with weight gain people!  We've stopped thickening his bottle feeds, and started feeding him baby food.  Eliminating egg has helped, though he still spits up from time to time, sometimes small amounts, sometimes larger, but oh well.  His first food (besides rice cereal) was avocado which he liked fine.  He's also had yellow squash, zucchini, sweet potatoes, oatmeal, and banana.  His favorite of these is banana!  He started the rice cereal on June 3, so about 4.5 months old.  The GI doc would like us to wait at least a week to 10 days between introducing new foods.  We're waiting about a week.  His next new food will be peas this weekend sometime. 

I'm enjoying making his baby food.  I can't believe how many things they put milk in.  I had started off making Jack's baby food as well, but after the first two things, I gave up.  This is better for Charlie because I know that there aren't any big allergens in them, just what I put into it.  I bought the Baby Bullet steaming system and blender and it couldn't be easier. 

Charlie still has his cranky times EVERY DAY.  It doesn't seem to be as bad when I'm around, maybe because I just hook him up and feed him and that works for us, but for Archie and my mom he can really be a handful.  Archie and my mom have both made comments that they think it's me, that he gets upset and wants to be comforted, but I'm not there (not that they don't try to comfort him, but for whatever reason it's a me issue). 

At 5 months old, I had both boys in the pediatricians office for different looking rashes, but was concerned.  I'd had Charlie on avocado for 3 days and he started breaking out on his face in an eczema-like rash which was concerning as this had been Jack's MO with his food allergies.  Turns out avocado is a low-risk food for allergies, so that was good news, he was just reacting to something else or having a flare up.  Jack had pityriasis rosea AGAIN (he had this last summer too).  It's a wierd looking rash that looked kind of like white heads all over his trunk and back-caused by a low load viral infection and clears up on it's own in about 3 weeks and sun seems to help it.  It's pretty much gone now but man are my boys some rashy kids.  Rashes really bother me.  Growing up I had a thing about bumps, they just grossed me out, so you can imagine what it's like when my kids are bumpy and I have to figure out what it is, and how to get rid of it.  Anyway, at that appointment we saw one of the pediatricians we haven't seen in a couple of years (we have one we like to stick with, but for urgent appointments, we'll see any of the 3 that are in the practice).  She was watching Charlie roll back and forth, standing up with assistance, and she asked how old he was, and Jack told her 5 months.  She said if we hadn't told her, based on what she was watching him do and his size, she'd have guessed 7-8 months.  He's a tank!  Charlie weighed 19 pounds at that appointment!  19 pounds, at 5 months old!!!  Seriously?!?!?  I looked back at Jack's baby book and he weighed 19 pounds at 9 months old!!!  He's a beast of a boy! 

Size is just one of the differences between my boys.  Charlie will likely have the height from my side of the family, but be built more like his dad.  Jack will have more of the height from his dad's side, and be built more like our side.  As an infant, Jack was happy to play in his jumper or just be cuddled for an episode of the Backyardigans.  NOT Charlie!  Charlie is entertained by his jumper for all of about 10 minutes maybe?  He doesn't jump, he just has stiff legs and stands which is fine and he does this ALL THE TIME, but I think he'd find it more fun if he'd jump.  I don't know how to make him realize that.  He wants to be held sometimes, but mostly he just wants to stand, or roll from one end of the room to the other.  He's gotten up onto his knees a couple of times, but Lord, I think when he figures out how to crawl that we're in big trouble!  He is going to be an active little boy where Jack really wasn't until about 2 years ago and even then, he still will sit and do things quietly for a while.  Charlie likes to talk or scream VERY loudly, where Jack was more quiet.  He's much more fussy than Jack was.  And has an annoying cry which Jack didn't.  Just as sweet as Jack was, but definitely more of a challenge especially when I have things I need to get done.

I'll have to get it on video to show you guys, but the other comical thing about Charlie would be what calms him down when he's throwing a fit.  By accident really, we found out he likes the song Assassin's Tango from the Mr. and Mrs. Smith movie.  Archie was asking me if one day we could take Tango classes and I told him sure, that sounded fun.  Jack asked him to play some tango music and Charlie was fussing and Archie put that song on and complete silence from Charlie is what we got.  Other tango songs don't have that effect.  The other two things that will make him stop crying we discovered thanks to Jack.  He sings "Little Bunny Foo Foo" or "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister (we watch the Betty White show and that's the song for it) and Charlie stops screaming and just looks at him.  I've found that the Little Bunny song also works for me if I sing it.  Not sure what it is about those songs, but I'm not going to argue with what works either!

Today is Jack's last day of camp for the summer.  He seems to have had fun, and his swimming has improved a ton since last year.  We're looking forward to taking some day trips this summer, going to the pool, and at the end of August, going to the beach! 

I WILL update after Charlie's 6 month appointment next week, and hopefully if I do it from home, I'll be able to post a couple of pictures and maybe a video!

Updates on Charlie

Charlie is doing fabulously!  He is a "fluffy" little guy with juicy little legs and cheeks!  He laughed out loud for the first time a week before he hit his 3 month mark.  He did it for my mom while I was at work.  She called me and said, "You didn't tell me he laughs now!!!"  I said, "He hadn't."  :(  It's ok though, I know I won't be able to be around for all of his firsts, but I sure would like to be!  He laughed for us for the first time at home on his 3 month birthday.  I had been blowing raspberries on his belly with diaper changes for weeks trying to elicit a laugh, and I finally got quite a few that day.  He's not big on laughing and doesn't do it often, but he will make a little half chuckle from time to time when he thinks you're being funny. 

Charlie is also rolling over.  He had rolled from his belly to his back twice about a week apart immediately after I would put him down for tummy time.  Neither time could I get him to do it again, so I'm not sure if I was just laying him down and positioning him just right initially (without even trying), and he was able to do it or what.  But as of Mother's Day (this past Sunday, and for my records-6 days before his 4 month birthday) he can roll from back to belly!!  He will do this over and over again, and then he gets on his belly and gets mad because he can't quite get the coordination to flip himself back over. 

He saw the allergist a few weeks ago for skin testing.  If you remember, his RAST blood test came up negative to everything.  His skin testing came up positive for crab (his histamine wheel was 10mm, and so was his crab wheel), and dust mites.  I'd been eating crab at least every other week.  So now I've eliminated diary, soy and crab from my diet.  He continues with spitting up or vomiting, but it is definitely better than it had been.  Where he was a really irritable baby, he's now more pleasant, and instead of throwing up pretty large amounts every feed and in between, it seems that some days he is spitting just little bits here and there, where others, he'll throw up 5 times in 30 minutes.  There's no rhyme or reason to it.  He'd been on zantac, but he had to be off for 6 days prior to his skin testing for the allergist.  We didn't notice much of a difference in his temperment, the frequency or amount of the vomiting, so we didn't put him back on it after the testing. 

We saw the GI specialist last Friday.  I was telling her how he is so much more happy, and the spitting is definitely less than it had been, and it's pretty random now, etc.  She looked at his growth and go figure, according to their scale he dropped from 75th percentile in weight 6 weeks prior to between 25-50th now.  I had weighed him a week or two before with me at home and swear he was about 16.5 pounds, but at the doctors we weighed him another 3 times and we couldn't get anything but 14.5 pounds.  I tried to argue that in that 6 weeks, he'd gained almost an inch in length since the previous appointment.  She agreed that he didn't look malnourished at all, but that she couldn't ignore the weight.  So she wants me to now avoid egg for three weeks, and if the vomiting and runny stools don't improve, she wants to also eliminate nuts.  In the meantime, she gave us some "Simply Thick" to thicken any breastmilk bottles he gets.  The Simply Thick seems to be working-his stools aren't as liquidy, they are more soft, and the vomiting isn't as much in amount when he does do it.  The problem is that since we started using it over the weekend, he is much more fussy (crying like someone is hurting him and then sobbing), and his sleep is all messed up.  I can't help but notice that it started when we started thickening his feeds.  I'm going to call the GI doc in the morning and let her know that this has been a change, and let her know that I'm going to stop thickening the feeds just for a few days to see if his irritability and sleep habits change again.  I will reintroduce the thickener, and if it starts back up I'll know it's the thickener and not a growth spurt or something else more common and benign going on. 

Charlie has his 4 month pediatrician appointment next Wednesday and I'm very interested to see what his weight will be at their office.  If his growth curve has stayed the same then I will feel more comfortable, and I will assume the GI doc's scale needs to be recalibrated.  We shall see.

Jack and Charlie are like two peas in a pod.  We will pick Jack up from school and he will start talking to Charlie in baby talk in the back seat making a big fuss over him.  It's adorable.  And Charlie just LOVES Jack.  If Jack is in the area, he watches him so intently.  I can just see the gears turning, if only I knew what Charlie was thinking!

So, that's it in my neck of the woods.  Next week I'll post after his 4 month appointment, and I'll include some pictures of the cute monkey.

Back to Work and Updates

Boy am I a slacker or what? No posts in a month and a half. So sorry, been a little busy enjoying the time I had left of maternity leave. Tonight is my first official night back to work. Yuck!

Charlie is doing great. He's almost 3 months old! At his 2 month appointment he weighed 12.10 pounds and was 24 inches long. I got on the scale with him yesterday and it said he is almost 15 pounds. I find that hard to believe, he still seems pretty small to me. He's outgrown most of his 0-3 month outfits and is now in 3-6 month clothes. It could be that I'm cloth diapering him and so the bulk of those diapers makes the 0-3 month clothes too tight, but lengthwise he was busting out of his sleepers!

Charlie smiles all the time (started March 18th!) and for the most part is just happy for you to look at him and talk to him. He coos back at you, and loves it when you'll imitate the sounds he's making. He doesn't particularly care for tummy time. Jack didn't either. He's a big snuggler, and LOVES being outside. He will sit quietly on my lap and watch the kids play at the playground during his normally fussy period-I love this respite! He doesn't care much for the pacifier (which kind of sucks especially during that 3-8 or 9pm time period when he's throwing his fits), but in the last week seems to have discovered that sucking on his knuckles or fists is kind of nice.

Charlie continues to have reflux. He continues to throw up and choke. I had eliminated dairy from my diet as he broke out with a bad rash (not pimply looking, but very red and bumpy-eczema looking) after a night of lasagna stuffed with cheese and alot of milk on my part. I tried reintroducing it on our trip in Disney and he broke out badly again, so I haven't put it back in my diet. We had an appointment with a Pediatric GI doc and she wanted us to also eliminate soy. She wanted us to put him on Elecare which is a formula that's amino acid based, so lacking the big allergens, and for me to pump and store my milk for 3 weeks to see if his reflux and vomiting improved. He HATES the Elecare which was to be expected. I even tried giving him some bottles with breastmilk and Elecare mixed together and he refused them. So, I'm just avoiding the soy and dairy and he's just getting breastmilk. This means we can't thicken the breastmilk with rice cereal because breastmilk won't thicken with rice cereal. You have to use something called "thickit". So we haven't bothered trying. If we could get him to take some of the Elecare we could thicken that with rice cereal, but he won't take it so it doesn't matter.

Then last week the allergist called with results of Charlie's RAST testing which is basically a blood test to check for allergies. They were all negative which I find hard to believe given his reaction when I consume dairy, but I know it's also not an error-proof test. The allergist wants to skin test him this Thursday morning so we had to stop his reflux meds. I thought this was going to be awful, but I can't say I notice much of a difference reflux/pain-wise. What I can tell you is a problem is that after having stopped giving him his med diluted in about a half an ounce of breastmilk by bottle, he doesn't want to take a bottle anymore. I did finally get him to take one last night, but he's at my mom's tonight while we're working and sure enough, he's fighting it. I feel so bad. I feel bad for my mom mostly because it's going to be a long night for her unless he gives in, and she'll be exhausted when she goes to work in the morning. I feel bad for him because he's inherited my stubborness and it's only going to hurt him and make him really hungry unless he gives in. I haven't heard back from my mom in a couple of hours and I'm just praying it's because he gave in and they're all finally asleep.

In other news, we got a letter from our fertility clinic about our frozen embryos and what we want to do with them. We could pay the storage fee for another year, let them be disposed of, or donate them to research. This is something I have personally agonized over since we got pregnant with Charlie. I didn't want to have to decide. And as I was sure it would turn out, we were given 45 days to decide. It's kind of funny (not haha) how this played out. You see, a girl I worked with 8 years ago (Amy) and I have remained friends with through facebook posted about one of her friends. She's trying to raise money to help her friend offset costs of medical bills and now rent, etc that they are incurring for their 5.5 month old daughter-Lillian. As it turns out, their daughter was diagnosed with Krabbe disease. It's a degenerative disease caused by the myelin surrounding your spinal cord breaking down and causing you to lose control of your muscles, etc. Most kids with this disease won't live to see 2 and it they start to show signs at about 5-6 months old. One of our mutual friends and I talked about it, and we can't imagine what we'd do if either of our newborn babies was diagnosed with this. This little baby has two older siblings who only know that their baby sister is sick, not that she's going to die. In an effort to slow the progress of this disease, her mom and she have moved to an apartment in Pennsylvania to be closer to the children's hospital where she is now getting chemo in anticipation of a stem cell transplant while her dad and siblings stay behind in Maryland.

When we first got the letter, Archie and I talked about whether we thought we might change our minds about wanting more kids down the road. He was adamant that two was good unless God blesses us the old-fashioned way. He didn't want to do any more treatments. I wasn't as convinced, but I also didn't want to just "throw away" our embryos. Having just heard about this little girl's story days before receiving the letter, I talked to Archie about the donation option. Initially we'd been against this as we felt like people would be manipulating and playing around with our babies. But after hearing about her, and definitely not feeling right about just letting our embryos go, and about how I would feel if something happened to either of my kids that stem cells or any kind of research could help with, I felt differently about the research option. I felt like it was a chance not to "waste" our embryos, but to donate them to possibly help another child, or help anyone affected by awful diseases like hers. It would mean so much more to us to know that our embryos went to do something good. Archie agreed with me. I can't tell you how "easy" and good it felt to finally come to a decision that we were both happy with, and didn't feel guilty about. I know I may hear some negative comments about our decision because not everyone will agree with it, but you have to do what's right for your family and what you feel comfortable with, and we have to do the same. Like I said, it was something I agonized over for a year. They weren't wasted. They had a purpose, and I honestly believe we've been shown what that purpose is through this little girl's struggles. To read more about Lillian and her disease, you can visit this site.

That's it from me for now, I'll try not to take another month and a half to post!

One Month Old

On February 19th, Charlie was a month old. Today was his one month pediatrician appointment. He weighs 10 pounds 7 ounces!!! He's gained almost 2.5 pounds since he was born. Even crazier, last Thursday he weighed 9 pounds 7 ounces, so in less than a week, he's gained a pound. He likes his food.

We've been battling reflux and colic. I keep reminding myself that this isn't my first rodeo, and the difference between this time and when I had Jack is that with Jack, I didn't know that this was eventually going to pass, that it just might take a few months and alot of patience. This time I know that. It doesn't make it any easier, and as tired and frustrated as I might get, I wouldn't trade it in for anything if it meant I'd have to trade Charlie.

The spitting up started before we left the hospital, but he had the high bilirubin levels (jaundice), and so I was nursing him and then syringe feeding him colostrum I'd pumped before he was born (for that exact situation of high bilirubin levels and trying to avoid food allergies as with happened with Jack after we'd supplemented with formula when he was born) so I thought maybe he was just being overfed. Once we had been home a few days, the spitting up turned into throwing up which turned into projectile vomiting 4 times over the weekend, and him screaming alot. Because of this he ended up on zantac. Well, zantac is not meant to stop the vomiting, just to help with the burn. And the liquid form of the med for kids is downright disgusting. We finally figured out that I had to pump once every few days just to be able to give his medicine. I put about 10ml of milk to put the med into in a bottle so he would actually get the full dose instead of spitting out half of it. He gets it every 6 hours. The vomiting has continued, but for the most part, it's not projectile. Well, then he was having choking episodes-while he was on his back sleeping (with his head elevated because of the reflux), while he was being held, in his carseat...so the doctor put him on reglan to help with emptying his stomach quicker. We started this medication last Thursday. I can't say it's helped really. As a matter of fact, yesterday and today were the two worst days for the choking yet. Yesterday morning at 4:30am (3 hours after his last feed), I heard him in his bassinet in our room choking and his cough just got weaker and less effective which got my attention. I mean, usually it's a little choke with a few coughs here and there, but they're usually good, and pretty effective coughs, but this episode had me out of my bed and my heart going...and I deal with things like this for a living. I kept him sitting up for an hour after that and while I was holding him in my arms, he choked again. I sat him bolt upright for a bit after that, and again, choking. What the heck?

So after talking with the doctor today, we've decided to do a barium swallow which is a swallow study done with x-rays. They will feed him barium (which shows up white on x-ray) and shoot x-rays as he is eating to evaluate the anatomy of his esophagus and stomach. It sounds awful, but at least if they found something wrong they could fix it. I, of course, don't want anything to be wrong with my baby, BUT, I do want him to be safe and comfortable, and he is NOT now. For that reason it would almost be good that they did see something during this study. He chokes in his carseat while I'm driving which is nerve wracking, not to mention talk about a distracted driver! And he gets so uncomfortable with the colic and gas symptoms that he just cries and cries and there isn't much you can do to console him. You just have to wait it out until he's tired enough that you can get him to fall asleep. It's awful to feel so helpless. And his stomach-I'm holding him and you can feel his stomach churning. Today it felt like it was vibrating like a cell phone. Very strange. No wonder he's uncomfortable.

In other news, I'm pretty sure I got my first smile yesterday. It was after his second choking episode, and a screaming period right after I got him calmed down. He got this sweet open mouthed smile on his face and held it for like 5 seconds looking at me. Usually his eyes are half open and rolling around in his little head while he's dreaming and he does it, so that's not real, it's probably gas or something, but this time he was looking at me, AWAKE, and did it. It made me feel awesome, especially after not being able to console him sometimes and feeling completely incompetent.

Jack is doing great with Charlie. He holds him, rubs cheeks with him, kisses him, and his most favorite thing to do with Charlie is to tickle his feet. Charlie has really ticklish feet. He also has what I call piano toes. His fingers look like a normal length to me, but his toes look really long to me! It cracks me up. He is a very long boy. I'm not sure of his length as they didn't check it at his appointment today, but he fills out his 0-3 month clothes rather well.

Nursing continues to go well. He eats sometimes every hour for a few times during the day, and sometimes it's every 2-3 hours. At night he usually passes out between 8-9pm and doesn't wake up until sometime between 1-2am which is really nice. Then he's usually up again around 4:30ish, and again around 6:15. At least I have one kind of long stretch in there. Now if I could just find a way to go to bed right when he does, I'd be maximizing my sleep! That's about impossible with another one running around and things to do all the time (you know, like laundry for all the outfits, bibs and burp cloths Charlie has taken good aim on, and bottles and syringes to wash). Oh well, such is life with a newborn. This too won't last forever, and I'll be talking about how I wish he'd stayed little longer.

Sorry for the long lag between posts, but duty calls! I do religiously read my bloggy friend's blogs, and I comment when I can. Sorry for being a slacker. I'll try to post an update next week when I know the results of the study.

Baby Charlie Has Arrived!!!

Sorry for the lack of posting. I've been busy with the newest member of our family!

Charlie decided he was going to make us force him to come out as he was definitely too cozy. So, January 19th was our scheduled induction date. Believe it or not, I actually did sleep the night before, probably because I skipped my nap on the 18th in the hopes I'd be able to sleep some that night. I got up at 4:45am, and we were due at the hospital by 6:30. We left our house at 5:45am, and arrived at L&D at 6:15. We were ready to go! To be honest, I didn't expect them to really do much besides a set of vitals and put in an IV before shift change at 7am, but they were working on us right through shift change, it was awesome! They started my IV, did a set of vitals, put me on my side (thanks to the high blood pressure in any position but on my side), rechecked my stats, and hooked me up to the monitor.

Charlie's heartrate was fine, but was only riding in the low 100's-110's. This had me slightly curious given the fact that his norm was 140's. I thought maybe he was sleeping until it continued. They were ok with it, and kept telling each nurse and doc that came in that it was his baseline. I don't know about that, but I do know that any heart rate greater than 100 is normal, so I wasn't too concerned. One of the nurse practitioners checked me and I was 3cm and still about 50% effaced. On the monitor they saw that I was having contractions 2-3 minutes apart, so they said they couldn't start me on pitocin yet. It's funny, I thought they were braxton hicks, I mean, they're not any different than what I'd been feeling the last few weeks of my pregnancy, and they didn't hurt. They were talking about maybe breaking my water, but they didn't want to do it until they spoke with my doctor because with the polyhydramnios, sometimes the docs wanted to be there in case there was a problem. At 7:15am, they broke my water. I was a little concerned because it was really bloody, but evidently if they rupture your membranes for you, that's normal. It did eventually turn clear. By this point my contractions had spaced out so they started me on Pitocin.

Evidently, I respond really well to pitocin. They started it, and then they had to back it down because the contractions were coming closer than they'd like. Then they'd slow down and they'd have to kick the pitocin back up, and we went back and forth like this all day. In the meantime, Charlie was deciding to drop his heartrate at times, lower than my heart rate, during contractions. This bothered me as it seemed like FOREVER before he'd come back up, and the nurse would stand there at times, holding her breath. No one really liked that he was doing this, and the thought was that his cord was wrapped around something and during contractions it was being compressed. They continued to watch me closely. He'd drop his heartrate and they'd come in and have me change positions. This happened frequently and I spent most of my time on my left side. By 11:30am I was 6cm and 90% effaced, had my epidural in, and by 1:30pm when they next checked me I was 7cm. I was worried we were slowing down since I'd had that big jump between 7:30 and 11:30 and then two hours later had only changed by 1cm, but at least I was progressing. The poor lady in the room next to me had also been an induction and they were preparing to send her home because it wasn't progressing. I felt awful for her, at least I knew I was having that baby soon.

They checked me next around 3:10pm and I was 9cm during a contraction, so a little less when I wasn't contracting. Charlie continued to elude the monitor and have drops in his heart rate so they put in a scalp electrode to monitor his heart rate. At 4pm, I asked when they were going to check me again. I was told I'd be checked when my doc finished her office hours and came over. I was comfortable with the epidural, so this was fine. My doc came over around 5 and checked me and told me it was time to have this baby! Yes!!! We kicked my father-in-law and Jack out. My mom got the job of holding my one leg, and Archie the other. My mother-in-law was up by my head behind my husband, but after a couple of pushes, and me feeling like I was going to pass out and throw up all at once, she got the job of fanning me with magazines and a barf bucket. I'm sure she was just praying I wouldn't throw up on her.

I pushed for about 10 minutes and my doctor told me that two more pushes, he'd be out. I gave it all I had for one more push, and Charlie dropped his heart rate to the 60's and wasn't coming back up. At that point, my doctor made the decision to use the vacuum to get him out. This is something I wasn't entirely comfortable with until the night before my induction. I had told my nurse that if it came down to him needing to be assisted out, I would prefer the vacuum over forceps delivery. I gave him one more push while the doc applied the vacuum, and at 5:16pm, Charlie was born! He weighed 8 pounds 0.4 ounces. He is not chubby at all, as a matter of fact, he's rather scrawny looking-probably because he's also a long boy, measuring in at 21.75 inches!!! He has a full head of hair, and looks JUST LIKE JACK did as a baby. Which basically means he looks like Archie, LOL. I was told for the first year of Jack's life that I obviously had nothing to do with his conception since he looked nothing like me!

I am so in love with this little guy. My little family feels complete. Jack absolutely loves him. He always wants to kiss him, hug him, and touch him. I've included a few pictures for you guys.

38w4d and OB Appointment

Hello all! Well, we are definitely in the home stretch. It's been an eventful week thus far, let me tell you about it. Last week, I had to scheduled my appointment with a growth scan for this week. I originally scheduled it for 10:15am, however, once I told one of my friends/coworkers that was when my appointment was, I found out that 11am was the scheduled time for a shower being thrown for me and Charlie. She said they knew I'd screw it up either with an appointment or having the baby early. Hahaha, it might sound mean that she said that, but seriously, I have a black cloud, and it translates between work and my personal life-it's just how my luck is. So I called the next morning begging for another appointment as this was the only time the majority of the people I work with could make it. The only day the ultrasound tech was going to be in was Thursday, but they could fit me in at 8:30am for the growth scan and then I'd see my doc afterwards. I took that appointment.

I woke up early Saturday morning (3am) and felt something that felt like a squirt (gross I know, but that is what it felt like), but it didn't feel like I had peed myself. It was clear fluid. I thought I might be leaking amniotic fluid. Archie was at work and would be home around 6am. I decided to wait since I wasn't having any contractions, and to be honest, it seemed like a repeat of what happened the morning I went into labor with Jack. I figured if I gave it some time maybe contractions would start up. So about 8am I called the on call doc. Of course, I was told to go in and be checked. I went in and while I wasn't any further dilated, the nurse practitioner thought I was about 70% effaced and still 2 cm. They checked what I had, and didn't think it was amniotic fluid, but said that it could be that the most significant amount was at 3am, and unless I had more it wasn't going to show up positive for amniotic fluid. My blood pressure when I went in was 157/101. I told them I'd been high in the office for my OB appointments lately, but it was usually mid-high 80's for the diastolic, not over 100 for sure. I told them that what my OB does is have me lay down on my side for 5 minutes and then they recheck it and usually it's gone back down. Sure enough this was the case that morning as well, but because I'd had that one really high BP, they wanted to run labs to make sure I was pre-eclamptic. So I sat around and waited for the labs to come back and was monitored during that time. Charlie's heartrate looked great on the strip, and we caught one contraction but that was it. I was sent home and told to keep an eye on the fluid.

I worked Monday night and Tuesday night. I came home yesterday morning and did what I always need to do the second I walk through the door-ran to the bathroom to tinkle. I sat down and my nose was running so I blew it while I was still on the toilet since that seems to be a problem lately (I can't sneeze, blow my nose or cough without dribbles-darn stress incontinence!). Well, after I blew my nose I saw a black thing which I thought was a spider on the wall in front of me, until I realized that then I saw about 20 of them swirling around and it wasn't a spider-it was black spots. Great. I'd been dizzy most of the night, and would sit down to take care of my patients when I started feeling like that (we take care of babies, not adults, so I knew my coworkers wouldn't appreciate it if I passed out on them!), but I can't lay down at work, so that was the best I could do. I knew the spots I was seeing was probably because of my blood pressure. I didn't call the doc then, but told myself if after I laid down for a bit this happened again, I'd have to. I wasn't having any other symptoms like a headache, so I figured this was probably ok.

My OB appointment was this morning. I was scheduled for a growth scan beforehand. The ultrasound tech started asking me questions like, "Has anyone told you before that he might be big?" "Do you have gestational diabetes or regular diabetes?" "What was he measuring at your last ultrasound?" I told her yes, they said at his 34 week scan that he was already about 5 pounds 11 ounces, so we know he's on the bigger side. Nope, no diabetes of any kind. It's never a good thing when you see that his femur alone is measuring 41w1d and you're only 38w4d. Long baby. Then she's telling you and pointing out all of his fat rolls. She's telling you that he has no room in there, and his head is all the way down so she can't tell you if he has hair because she can't the probe in there to check since there isn't any amniotic fluid around the top of his head. Lovely. He's huge. Then she looks at you with a cringe type look on her face and says, "I don't want to tell you how big he is measuring." Ha, well you don't have a choice and I don't have a choice either, so just tell me. Yup, Charlie is a big boy at 8 pounds 9 ounces. Big boy wasn't the word I used to describe him after that, I think what came out of my mouth was, "He's a beast!" And let's be honest, he is.

I gained 1 pound in the last week, for a total weight gain of 8 pounds. My initial blood pressure this morning was 142/92. My doc doesn't like the diastolic number above 90 or even getting close. So my nurse made me lay on my left side and then wanted me to sit up to recheck it. It was 134/90. I told her that L&D just has me stay laying down when they recheck it and it's always back to normal-high 70's low 80's. She said Dr. A likes the patients sitting up since it's more reflective of what you're like at home since you most likely aren't just laying around all the time. Ok. Lay down and recheck again in 5 minutes. Sit up, recheck 132/90. Can you see where this is going? Next thing I know, my OB is asking me when I work again. I told her tomorrow night. She said well, I might be done then because she is sending me to L&D for pre-eclampsia labs and if they come back off, I'll be induced today. That sounded great, except that my shower was being held 45 minutes away in about an hour's time. It would take at least an hour for my labs to come back once I got over to L&D. Which meant no Cheesecake Factory (yum yum) for me, and it also meant no celebration! I had to go to L&D, I couldn't just say, "Um, yeah, so could I come back for that in a couple of hours after I've had a great meal and good fun?" Ugh. I called my girlfriend and told her I wouldn't be able to make it. And I thought to myself, as much as I hope I'm not pre-eclamptic, I'd better have slightly off labs and be having this baby today darn it! Finally at 12:15pm I was getting antsy. My labs should have been back, I had to pee (but couldn't get up as I had the BP cuff on and was hooked up to the fetal monitor), and I was starving and all I could think about was what I could have been eating but wasn't! Archie couldn't come into the triage room with me because we had Jack and only one person is allowed in the triage room with you, and so poor Jack had been sitting around waiting since essentially 8:30am! To say I was getting irritable would be putting it lightly.

I heard someone say in the hall that the labs were ok, they were just waiting for Dr. A to come talk to me. I waited another 20 minutes and then was done. I hit the call light to ask to go to the bathroom which then at least got me disconnected from everything and I thought would maybe speed up the process. It didn't speed anything up. Finally the nurse practitioner came in and told me that my doctor had come over for a delivery, they'd hoped she'd be able to stop in and see me before I left and discuss a plan, but now she was dealing with an emergency, so they were going to let me go and just have me call the office when I got home. FINE! We went to Cheesecake Factory because if I was missing my shower, and I was not going to have a baby today, I needed something to put a smile on my face. I called and left a message that I needed to talk to Dr. A. She called me back at about 4:30 today, and she is on call next Thursday and I am scheduled for my induction at 6:30am that day. I'm not real happy that it couldn't be done earlier in the week, but I am happy that we have a plan.

And now that we have a plan, I'd be willing to bet that I go into labor on my own Wednesday night, LOL.

37w5d and 37 Week OB Appointment

I'm in the home stretch for sure-yay! I saw my OB on Tuesday and was 2 cm, 30% effaced, and my cervix wasn't ready for her to be able to strip my membranes, so we're waiting. I've had some bad swelling lately with my feet, ankles, and calves, and I swear to you I even noticed some in my thighs after work the other morning. Luckily I only have 3 shifts left to work next week.

I continue to have periods of regular contractions, but they never last long enough to deliver a baby. He's comfy and that's ok. I've informed him that if he hasn't moved out by January 15th we will be coming in to get him. My next OB appointment is scheduled for next Thursday morning with an ultrasound prior to seeing my doctor. She wants to make sure he isn't too big before we decide on an induction at 39 weeks. I guess if she thinks he is, I'll be preparing myself for a c-section. To be honest, either one is ok with me, I'm not one of those people who goes in with a rigid birth plan and is dead set against a section. I want my baby out healthy and safely, and if that means that unfortunately I get all the way to 10 cm, and something isn't right, he isn't tolerating labor, or we never make it to 10 cm because I fail to progress, then section me. I'd hate to have to go through all of the work of labor only to have a c-section, but I'd rather he be ok, and me be miserable with recovery for a bit longer. My appointment was scheduled for Friday originally, but because of the ultrasound tech only being in on Thursday my appointment had to be changed. I scheduled it for 10:15am, and had gotten an email from two friends that they wanted to do lunch that day, so I figured I'd be good to meet up with them by noon. I texted the one friend after my appointment the other day and told her when my OB appointment was, only to find out that by changing it, I screwed up plans for some friends from work to have a little shower for me at Cheesecake Factory (one of my favorite restaurants). They were planning it for 11am about a half hour from my doctor's office. Go figure. They said they knew I'd screw it up, either by having the baby early or by making an appointment. It was the one day they could all get together, so now I've changed my appointment. They were able to fit me in at 8:30am. It's going to be an early day, and challenging if Archie doesn't get there before my OB sees me so he can take Jack out of the room (he's coming from about an hour away straight from work). I just don't want Jack in there for the cervix check (he's distractable, but rather nosy), and if I am ready for my membranes to be stripped, I've heard that can be painful and I definitely don't want him in there for that. I'm excited to meet up with everyone for lunch afterwards though! With any luck, that will be my last meal before Charlie gets here, and it will no doubt be delicious!

I read a blog I've followed religiously for a while, and was downright irritated by a comment the blogger made about her tour of a NICU and her feeling that anyone who wanted their baby to be born before 39 or 40 weeks is just plain selfish. I can see where she, someone who hasn't made it to term due to complicated pregnancies could feel that way. I could also see how someone who doesn't realize that babies are considered "term" at 37 weeks would think that. I would agree with her that the mother who at 34 weeks jumps out of a pick up truck repeatedly to try and go into labor is selfish. I would agree that a mom who does drugs or drinks excessively during her pregnancy is selfish. I would see where a mom who tries to abort her baby-on her own-at 30-something weeks gestation (or any gestation for that matter) is selfish. But I don't see where a mom who is ready for her baby to be out at 37 or 38 weeks, knowing what the chances of a NICU stay are (pretty minimal at that point as usually between 36 and 37 weeks the lungs are fully mature), who is dealing with the lovely things that things that can make you miserable towards the end of a term pregnancy (let me assure you that whatever you're feeling at 28, 32 or 34 weeks is not the same as what you'll probably be feeling like at almost 38 weeks or even 40 weeks) can be considered selfish for doing things (with her doctor's permission and knowledge) to help things along. To say I was livid after reading that, would be putting it mildly. I've tried to be supportive to this blogger, but I may have to just stop reading her blog until my hormones have stabilized and I don't feel half nutso anymore.

And yes, I am doing things to try to help things along. I asked my doc at my last appointment if she minded me taking evening primrose oil, or pumping, and she gave me permission after this past Sunday. I'm taking evening primrose oil, but not how I read it was recommended online or by one of my friends. I've read and heard you can take up to 1500mg 3x/day. That seems like a lot to me. I'm taking 1000mg once a day. I also read that in addition to the 1500 mg 3x/day, that once you reach 37 weeks you can begin to take it as a suppository (pessary) 1000mg once a day. That I am doing most days/nights except for nights like last night where I'm contracting regularly when I go to bed, and don't want to have someone give me a strange look because yellow capsules are being delivered in addition to a baby. At the advice of a coworker/lactation consultant, I'm also pumping. Not alot, just enough to get some colostrum set aside for the baby because of food allergy issues. Jack has food allergies which became apparent at 5 weeks, but weren't diagnosed officially (despite my nagging, my lactation consultant's nagging, etc) until he was 4 months old. His allergist's recommendation is to supplement with either breastmilk I've pumped, or a hypoallergenic formula. Jack had a high bilirubin in the hospital and they threatened to keep him if I didn't supplement, and since my milk wasn't in yet, he got formula. We had no idea he'd have food allergies so we used the run of the mill formula which has cow's milk protein in it. He didn't have a milk allergy, but they would still prefer us to use a hypoallergenic formula if we have to use it at all. So to prep, the LC told me I could start pumping at 37 weeks, realizing that it may put me into labor, so definitely not to start prior to 37 weeks. I started on Sunday and got a little set aside for Charlie. It did make me have contractions, but only while I was pumping. You can pump according to some sites to put yourself into labor, but I'm going to need these nipples to be intact for nursing, and they said it can take an hour of pumping to get contractions really going, and you shouldn't stop until they are 5 minutes apart and regular. Well, I'm not doing that. I pumped once today, and will pump again at bedtime, and the LC told me I could do it up to 4 times a day. I'm hoping he'll be here before I work myself up to that, but we'll see. I have only about 7 ml of colostrum set aside for him between two pumpings I've done and not leaked it out of the thing by mistake. It's still better than nothing.

Tomorrow I get to use my Christmas gift from my mom. She planned a "Girls' Day" for us. It will start with a prenantal massage for me, then lunch and a movie. I'm so excited! I'm hoping the massage therapist will know some good pressure points to maybe get things going. We shall see.

One of my friends/coworkers dabbles in photography, and at 34 weeks we had her do maternity pictures for us. Here is the link. Enjoy!

36w4d OB Appointment

Had my OB appointment today. I looked back last night at Jack's baby website to see what I was doing cervix-wise at this point, and the answer was-NOTHING. And I remember being so upset when she told me I wasn't doing anything yet because I'd had braxton hicks contractions since 19 weeks and been so sick with him, and I thought surely I'd been jipped with nothing to show for all of it! Today, I am 1 cm dilated and she could feel the baby's head! Her exam hurt like heck (not the lady parts, but the pelvis itself), but I guess if he's that low perhaps it should be uncomfortable.

I have gained 4 pounds in 2 weeks. After she saw the picture of my cankles from Christmas night, she said it was probably just that I'm beginning to retain more fluid, and that she's not concerned at this point since the swelling does go down after I've had my feet up for a while. That gives me a total gain of 8 pounds in the last 26 weeks.

Dr. A told me that if I make it to 38 weeks, they'll do another growth scan to make sure he's not too big to be delivered vaginally. Sounds good to me, but I hope I don't get that far because I had trouble scheduling my appointment for next week, and they scheduled my 38 week appointment for a Friday-and they don't do ultrasounds in the office on Fridays. Heck, at that point I'll only be two days away from being 39 weeks anyway.

I had trouble scheduling next week's appointment because my mom is giving me a "Girls Day" with her next Friday! She's got me scheduled for a prenatal massage (I had one when I was pregnant with Jack and wanted to bring that lady home with me), then we're going out to lunch, and to a movie. It sounds like a lot of fun, and heck, maybe the massage will put me into labor! The doctor's office tried to tell me that was the only day my doctor had appointments available, that she was double booked the rest of the week because she's going to be out the following week. That didn't make much sense to me considering my doc was on vacation all last week. Turns out she was thinking of another doc. My 37 week appointment is next Tuesday morning. It is still kind of inconvenient with it being between two of my 12 hour shifts at work, but I'll just have Archie drive me so I can sleep in the car. I asked if she would be able to strip my membranes next week even if my GBS test came back positive and she said that wouldn't be a problem. Glad what I read online isn't true at least in her practice. What could be even more inconvenient about next week's appointment is the fact she's going to strip my membranes between two shifts where I am the charge nurse at work. I'll have to make sure someone who can do charge takes a light assignment that they could keep in case things really start to move along and I have to leave work early. My luck, I'll get to work and half of our staff will be out sick. Guess that's why the bosses get paid the big bucks.

I did ask about ways to speed things up as my lower back/hips are really sore, the middle right sided back spasms are wicked, and I'm back to feeling rather cruddy. She asked what I had in mind and I mentioned acupuncture/acupressure, and evening primrose oil. She said whatever I want to do is fine, but she'd avoid castor oil (which my mom had brought up the other day and I really didn't want to do). She said the castor oil for sure would make me sick. I wasn't even thinking about that, I was just thinking that being stuck in the bathroom wasn't what I had in mind for putting me into labor.

I picked up evening primrose oil on my way home. It doesn't induce labor, but helps ready the cervix which I'd like to be as ready as possible for stripping my membranes next week. Yesterday we took down all of the Christmas decorations, took the tree outside for recycling pickup, and I set up the pack and play with the bassinet, and finished readying the baby's room. I think I'm about done with packing my bag (except for the last minute things like my hairbrush, toothbrush, etc).

36 weeks

I am actually 36w2d, but this is my 36 week post. Christmas was lovely. My mood has been better this last week and a half or so, not sure why really. I'm less irritable for the most part. I don't know if it is because we finally have the nursery mostly set up and ready to go and that anxiety is gone, or if it's the fact that our little boy will be here in the next month. Either way I'll take it.

That said, I'm large and in charge, and ready for Charlie to make his arrival. Anytime now...now sounds good. I only have 8 shifts left to work if I make it to 39 weeks. Current uncomfortable symptoms include sciatica, middle back pain (not related to kidneys as my renal ultrasound didn't show any hydronephrosis last week, nor did it show any stones, however, I was reminded that unless they are large enough, they won't show up on ultrasound anyway), increased acid reflux and vomiting, vericose veins that are in painful places, and cankles (see below). Charlie is still pretty active, although definitely slowing down over the last couple of days. No worries-he still moves enough for me to know he's ok, I watch this closely.

I'd like to begin to encourage Charlie to drop (this would probably greatly help my reflux and vomiting issues, but probably exacerbate the sciatica pain) and start to move out. With Jack at this point I was walking a mall for 3.5 hours with an 11 pound baby on top of my bump in an attempt to push him down and out, it didn't work. A couple of nights before I delivered him, I was at a holiday party and on the dance floor, that might have helped. My mom and I walked the mall yesterday, but I don't think it did much at all but make me even more tired, LOL. I'm thinking maybe I'll try my "Just Dance 2" wii game early next week, but I'm thinking I probably can't shake it or move it well enough to do anything productive. I'm going to ask my doc how she feels about evening primrose oil when I go for my appointment on Thursday. It doesn't bring on labor, but it does supposedly start help getting the cervix ready. My OB offered to strip my membranes for me at 37 weeks, but if I'm not dilating, that won't really be a possibility. I also read that if you are GBS positive, they won't do it, and I was positive with Jack, so I'm assuming maybe I will be this time too. That said, I don't know why that really matters since they'll be treating me during labor with antibiotics anyway. It's something to discuss at this weeks appointment since she'll be doing the test this week anyway. I read that acupressure can help bring on labor, but I am not ready to try that until after this coming Sunday. 36 weeks still makes me nervous despite how uncomfortable and ready I might be for him to come out. If he did it on his own now, I'd hope his lungs would be mature enough to avoid any real therapy in the NICU, but I'd feel awful if I did something to make him come now and then he needed help with his breathing. So, no action on my part (except maybe EPO if approved by my OB) until next week.

I'll have more of an update for you after my appointment this Thursday! For now, here is my 36 week belly picture :)

34 Week OB Appointment

I had an ultrasound (for growth scan) and OB appointment yesterday. I am 34 weeks and 4 days now.

I had the ultrasound first. He looks great, and was measuring about 5 pounds 11 ounces, and they have a margin of error of about a pound. It seems like a huge jump in weight to me, considering he was about 3 pounds 9 ounces just about 4 weeks ago. I guess it's possible, or it's possible that either measurement was slightly off. Either way, he is growing as he should. If you remember from my last appointment, he was breech. I'm happy to report he is now head down! He just better stay that way! And if you remember from my last appointment, I didn't ask my OB what the medical reason was for doing a growth scan, but I did ask yesterday after the ultrasound. Evidently there can be problems with growth when a mom has Grave's disease, but he looks great.

At my 32 week appointment, my OB checked my hematocrit (it was still low despite my taking iron-although I wasn't taking it everyday because it caused me to have other issues that colace wasn't taking care of) and my thyroid levels. They called me and faxed my thyroid levels to my endocrinologist who had also just drawn labs on me. My endocrinologist called me, and my TSH is low which is normal during pregnancy, but they now want to recheck my labs at 37 weeks to make sure they aren't going too low. They weren't going to check them until about 4-6 weeks post delivery as of my last appointment. I am now taking my iron regularly, and they recommended Benefiber to combat the other issue.

I gained back the two pounds I'd lost between 30 and 32 weeks, so I'm up a total of 4 pounds from my 10 week appointment, and if he truly weighs over 5 pounds, I guess most of it is him! I am still having intermittent contractions. Monday afternoon while we were on a movie date (while Jack was in school), I started having painful contractions regularly. They continued until the movie ended, so we went to get more bottled water for me, and by the time we got to school to pick Jack up, they'd subsided. Monday night I had more contractions, but they weren't regular so I ignored them. Tuesday afternoon I had more contractions, again not regular. I can say I have alot of pressure and what feels like bone pain (as opposed to cramping) between my legs, but things have just gotten alot more uncomfortable in general this last week. Sciatica is tons of fun, as is the muscle spasms I've been having in my mid-back, and the bone pain between my legs, and where I think everything is just loosening up like where my tops of my legs meet my hips. I remember that pain from being pregnant with Jack. I forgot how much I hate it!!!

When I brought up the contractions to my OB, she said she's not worried. As long as I make it through the weekend, he should be big enough and do well enough to go home when I get discharged home. They won't stop my labor as of Sunday if I did go into labor because I'll be 35 weeks. If he's born before 37 weeks, he'd be an automatic admission to the NICU, but the hospital where I am delivering has a transitional nursery, so they would watch him for 6 hours and if he is fine, he'd come to my room and go home when I go home. That's a much sweeter deal than if I delivered where I work. If I delivered where I work, babies born at 35 weeks weighing more than 2100 grams (about 4 pounds 10 ounces) can go to the full-term nursery as long as they transition well and don't show any breathing issues, if they do, then they have to come to us, and we don't have a transitional nursery, so they are stuck with us usually overnight and until the docs round on the baby mid-day the next day. I think it's so unfair, but they don't keep an attending physician in the full-term nursery overnight, so until that physician comes in to accept the baby, and ours ok the transfer to full-term, the baby stays with us. Not real good for maternal-baby bonding, nursing, or any of that.

Needless to say, when I called Archie to tell him that Dr. A said after Sunday he'd be ok and probably go home with us, we both got a little panicked. No joke, I should have taken a before picture of Charlie's room. Let me describe it. Picture clothes and blankets washed, but piled up on the rocker, the dresser, and the bed, and on the bed is also everything I have ordered or been given like a humidifier, carseat, moses basket, etc on the crib, with the front of the crib still off from when it was a toddler bed for Jack. Yeah, totally NOT ready. It's funny because with Jack, I swear the nursery was done and ready for sheets and clothes by like 30 weeks. Guess it's different when you already have one at home and you're not phased! Needless to say, the crib is put together, sheets on, decals on the wall (most of them, I still have another one I need to order), and most clothes put away. My agenda for tonight is to paint Charlie's name letters to hang tomorrow, and to figure out where all the blankets and sheets will go, as well as the burp cloths, bibs, etc.

Archie is stressed out because we don't have a hospital bag packed yet. He pulled out the bag for me last night, and first question from him this morning was, "Did you pack us yet?" Nope. I'll get to it, but seriously, with Jack I had tons of braxton hicks contractions and at my 36 week appointment was disappointed when she said I was only 1cm dilated. I realize that could be totally different this time around especially with having had some regular contractions, but I don't think he's coming at 35 weeks. That said, my friends on Facebook have advised that if I don't want to come home without pants and shoes, I'd better get something packed. I guess I'll make an effort maybe tomorrow morning. I've got things to do for Charlie's room tonight and cookies to bake for Christmas.

I feel like this is a really bittersweet time. We know that this is most likely our last child (unless God intervenes and puts us on a different path, but not one that includes fertility specialists), and that is sad because I won't get to experience pregnancy again. Don't laugh-I know, the IV's this go around, the morning sickness, etc., but seriously, this pregnancy was so much more enjoyable than my first one. Maybe it was because I was hydrated with IV fluids this time (and thus, didn't just get more and more dehydrated which makes you feel cruddy too) and I wasn't last time. But for sure, this time I wasn't throwing up 5-6 times a day for months like I was with Jack, so trust me when I say what I went through this pregnancy, despite not being tons of fun, was so much better than my first. Good thing how you feel during pregnancy has no bearing on how you feel about the child. I still feel guilty that I didn't enjoy that pregnancy as much. All that said about the sadness of not ever feeling another little one moving around inside of me, getting to see them on ultrasounds, etc., I'm so excited to just have him here and be able to hold him and snuggle him. Archie is feeling it too. He was just saying to me this afternoon that he can't wait to have another little boy fall asleep on his shoulder so contently again. It's the little things we can't wait for. And can I tell you, that I really can't wait to see my two boys interact with each other. I've been warned that our house will be a loud one with two boys tearing it up, but I honestly can't wait-as sadistic as that sounds. I just can't wait to see them grow up together. Jack told me yesterday that we haven't gotten a Christmas gift for Charlie. I hadn't planned on it because Charlie isn't supposed to be here for another month almost past Christmas. But Jack was insistent. So I told him to pick a gift. He picked a recordable storybook that he can record himself "reading" to Charlie on. I thought that was so stinking sweet. Nevermind the fact that Jack can't read yet. I'll have to tell him what it says on the page before we push the record button and just have him repeat it.

Ok, a little boy who just turned 5 this past Sunday is anxious for me to make cookies, so I've got to run, but before I do, here are a couple of pictures we got of Charlie's ultrasound this week!!!

32 Week OB Appointment

My OB appointment was on Wednesday afternoon. It went well. I lost 2 pounds, so in total now I am up 2 pounds from my 10 week appointment. It's not for lack of eating-trust me, I'm eating! It may just be a fluke with yet a third different scale.

Otherwise, Charlie's heartbeat sounded perfect and where it should be. I have to get my hematocrit (red blood cell count) and thyroid levels rechecked before my next appointment on December 14th. I also am scheduled to have a growth scan in the office right before my next appointment. I told her the results of our ultrasound 2 weeks ago, but they need it to be documented which is fine. To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I'm having this ultrasound since she told me I wouldn't have any more unless medically necessary since insurance wouldn't cover it. No, I didn't ask why. I figured it was because of my poor weight gain. To be frank, I don't care either way, I get to see my boy again!

So all in all, good, boring appointment. That's how it should be!

32 weeks 1 day

Today I am 32w1d. 5-8 weeks left to go until we meet our newest little boy! Not too much going on. Saturday night wasn't good with acid reflux, choking, and throwing up, same for Sunday morning, but all in all, lately I've felt pretty good. I have braxton hicks contractions frequently-when I roll over, when I change position, when I stand up, when I sit down...like I said, frequently. So last night when I was laying in bed with Jack and noticed that even though I wasn't doing anything, but was having contractions pretty regularly, I started to time them. 3-5 minutes apart. Of course, Jack had just fallen asleep. And he had school this morning. And Archie was on his way to work, and my mom was at her house presumably sleeping, and she had to work in the morning. I was laying on my right side, so I rolled over to my left because I knew before I called the doc, I'd better do what I figured they'd suggest anyway-lay on your left side and drink water. Problem was my reflux was acting up and the last thing I wanted to do was drink. So I waited to see if laying on my left was going to help alone. It didn't. So then I bit the bullet, downed more tums, and downed all of the water I had upstairs with me-about a liter worth. I laid there for another hour, they spaced out to 6 minutes apart and I decided to try to sleep as my husband had suggested when I'd called him. I had a few contractions wake me up, but for the most part they weren't painful, and I didn't want to go into the hospital, only to be told I was in false labor, and meanwhile have had Archie or my mom miss work or get no sleep. If they hadn't spaced out I would have called my OB.

I did call my OB this morning to find out at what point I'm supposed to call (I know when you're full term it's when your contractions are 5 minutes apart). but I'm not full-term yet. She said 4-5 minutes apart for an hour. So I should have called last night. Too late, and obviously I didn't wake up delivering my child in my bed, so that's a good thing.

My next OB appointment is on Wednesday afternoon, I'll update more then. For now, here is my 32 week belly pic!

Charlie's 4D Ultrasound

This wasn't an easy ultrasound. Charlie is breech (not worried-he has a few more weeks to turn), had his back to us, and his hands in front of his face initially. After a trip to the bathroom, some jumping up and down, and shaking of my rear (no kidding), he was finally moving. He then had his hands mostly under his chin, his foot next to his face, and was hiding behind my placenta. He still wanted to sleep, so we have some video on DVD (if my computer would work right) of him grimacing, looking like he let out a whine, and then opening and closing his mouth. He has cute cheeks, kissable lips, and I think looks like Archie's side of the family. Here are some pics! I can't wait to meet him in person!

30 Weeks 4 Days

I had my 30 week OB appointment today. It went well. I measured where I should this time (yay!), it looks like I have gained 2 more pounds (up a total of 3 pounds from my 10 week appointment), and Charlie's heartrate was good! I asked my doctor about delivering given my pelvic fractures 4 years ago and she wanted me to call the ortho doc to get their approval. My ortho doc is gone now, but I called a friend (my IV nurse who works in the same area where I was admitted when we had the car accident), and she talked to one of the docs, they pulled up my records (with my permission) and x-rays and he said I should be fine to deliver the good old-fashioned way. Sounds good to me.

My uncle is a high risk OB, and we saw him over the weekend. I had asked him what he thought about the possibility of reinjuring my pelvis, and he said it's not likely, that whether the baby's head would fit through the pelvis is another story. No one is going to know that until I'm pushing and we see if he will fit. If he won't, I'll end up having a c-section emergently which will suck because I will have gone through however long in labor and tried to push for however long it takes for us to determine he's not coming out, but c-sections don't scare me otherwise. My biggest concern is that if I can't push him out and he gets stressed, the risk of him stooling in utero and then possible meconium aspiration. Or decels from his head getting mashed into my pelvis but not being able to fit through. Funny, c-sections don't worry me, but I really will not be on board with a vacuum or forceps delivery. Guess it goes back to knowing too much.

My next OB appointment is in 2 weeks!!!! So excited, these more frequent appointments mean that the end is in sight and we will finally get to meet this little boy we've waited and tried for 3 years for again!

Other things that are on my mind-Thanksgiving. Seriously-I'm doing that 30 days of Thanksgiving thing on Face.book and I had already posted this morning about being thankful for the internet so I can shop for the baby without going to a million places looking for that one particular thing. Otherwise, I would have been thankful for the times I haven't thrown up in public this pregnancy (yes, it was in the privacy of my own home this morning), for the fact that this pregnancy has gone more smoothly (so far) than my pregnancy with Jack. Thankful to whoever thought of making pantiliners so I only had to change my shirt this morning and not all of my clothes (damn stress incontinence). And thankful for the easy and sweet child God blessed us with almost 5 years ago after our first IVF cycle. That little boy is going to make some woman very happy some day. He really will. He compliments all the time, he encourages when it's needed, he goes running to get me paper towels or a bucket to throw up in when I need it and his dad isn't around, and today while I was laying on the table in the OB office and she was measuring me, he came over, put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a sweet kiss.

I know the first part of my thanksgiving topic was sort of humorous, but seriously, I have so much to be thankful for. We both have jobs while we have friends who are finding themselves in tough situations with only one working at the moment, or neither working at all and looking for work. We have a loving family who cares about us, helps us, and are actively involved in Jack's life and will be in Charlie's as well. I can't even begin to tell you how important that is to me. That Jack is making memories with both sets of grandparents that will last a lifetime. He got to know his great-grandmother some and will remember that, and he sees my grandfather (on my mom's side) and his wife a couple of times a year too. I wish we were closer to my husband's brother and his family, but his neice and nephew are in high school, and it's hard no doubt between their schedules and the difference in ages for them to really get on Jack's level, but he does know them and sees them a couple of times a year. I wish my sister lived closer so he could have a closer relationship with her. Jack talks to her on the phone, and I'm waiting for her to download the Tango app so they can see each other and talk by phone (skype caused problems with my computer so I uninstalled it). And she plans on coming out when Charlie is born to get to know him and to spend time with Jack, so there is that. We see her every couple of years, sometimes more often, just depends on what's going on with everyone.

Another thing I can't stop thinking about is tomorrow!!! I know, you're thinking, um, it's Friday which is great and all, but so what? We have our 4D ultrasound tomorrow! It's the little things, come on! We didn't have one done with Jack (we wanted to, but the only places I could find near us were about $400 and we were pretty strapped), but we had lots of pictures of his profile, hands, legs, feet, boy parts, etc., from his 20 week ultrasound. With Charlie, we got his profile and his face...that's it. And we have all the furniture and baby gear (for the most part) that we need for Charlie, so we want to do this, and it's MUCH cheaper now than it was then for the ultrasound. My mom and my in-laws are going with us and I'm so happy for that too. We didn't invite them to any ultrasounds with Jack and until this point, also hadn't invited them for any of Charlie's. Kind of like with Jack's delivery we wanted it to be our last moments together as a couple before we welcomed our little boy into the world and became a family of 3. My mom really wanted to be in the delivery room with Jack, and I probably would have let her stay, but I wasn't willing to hurt feelings and make my mother-in-law go out of the room and my mom stay. I wasn't as close to my in-laws at that point as I am now, and I think alot of that has to do with Jack being here and it just bringing us all together more. For the record, my father-in-law was in the waiting room while I labored and delivered (our mom's were in the room for the later part of labor, and outside the door during delivery) because he had the flu. He didn't get to meet Jack until he was a week old.

This time we've said my mom and his mom can be in the delivery room, but they have to stay up by my head. And if things hit the fan and the baby has problems or I have problems, they need to stay cool-Archie will need it, and I will need all of it. My father-in-law gets Jack duty. They are allowed to stay in the room while I labor so long as I'm comfortable. Jack's really sensitive, and I don't want him to be traumatized by watching me be in pain, so when things start to get going more, they will go to the waiting room. I'm hoping that I won't have worked all night and then go into labor like I did with Jack. I'd like to not be witchy like I was when we went to the hospital for my water breaking. I was fine through triage, and then we went to our L&D room and the first thing Archie did after putting down our bags was start to pull out the recliner. I was in back labor. Those two things weren't going together and if I wasn't going to be sleeping after working a 12 hour shift, he sure as heck wasn't going to be either. My attitude didn't get better until 2 hours later when I finally asked for the epidural at a whole...2cm dilated, LOL. Yeah, I'm serious, the back labor was ridiculous and I was contracting 1.5 minutes apart, and I was exhausted from working all night. I got the epidural and then my contractions spaced out and I ended up needing pitocin. I was more relaxed after the epidural which is good because my mom kept calling to see if she should leave work, or leave her work's holiday lunch yet, LOL. She was so excited.

I think my in-laws were happy to be invited to come to the ultrasound tomorrow. We're all going to lunch afterwards. We weren't sure if Jack was going to go with us or not since Friday is a normal school day for him, but complicating matters is that his school is having their Thanksgiving Feast tomorrow. I really didn't want him to miss that, and to be honest, I didn't realize that school would be doing that until two weeks ago, and I made the ultrasound appointment two months ago. I secretly wanted him to come to the ultrasound, but I wasn't going to force him to do one over the other. I looked into it, and I can get a DVD made of the ultrasound session, so I told him that we were going to see Charlie on the TV again, and that if he wanted to go he could, but if he didn't that was ok. I told him that he was having a Thanksgiving Feast at school at the same time, and wouldn't be able to do both. I assured him he wouldn't be missing anything if he decided to go to school and enjoy the festivities with his friends, and we would bring home a video of Charlie for him to watch on our TV after school. For the better part of last week he was going to go to school which was fine. But yesterday he told us he wants to go see Charlie. I again told him I could bring him home the movie of Charlie to watch on our TV if he wants to go to school, but he is insistent that he wants to see Charlie. I have to admit that I'm kind of happy!

I will try to post pictures from our ultrasound tomorrow, but with the appointment being at 10:30am, and going to lunch afterwards and the place being almost an hour from us, it's not likely. I have to work tomorrow night and will have to nap when I get home, but if I'm all fired up with excitement when we come home, I'll do it before I lay down!

It's Been a While

It's been a while since I posted. No reason really, other than I didn't have much to say. I'm 29 weeks, and getting more uncomfortable (you know, little things like breathing that you take for granted until everything gets pushed up into your diaphragm), but all in all things are going well. I can't believe that come Sunday, I'll be 3/4 of the way through.

My next OB appointment is next Thursday. I have some questions for her, mainly regarding my pelvis and delivery. We had a bad car accident in October of 2007, and I was pinned in the car as a result of the accident, and ended up fracturing my pelvis in 3 places. When I saw her for an annual exam in February of 2008, she told me that she thought I would be able to carry to term which satisfied me at the time, however, because I didn't know if I'd ever be pregnant again, I never brought up delivery. She had made a comment at the time that she thought my pelvis was slightly smaller than it had been before given the fractures I sustained. So my questions mainly revolve around whether I risk reinjuring my pelvis during a normal delivery this time, and depending on the size of the baby at the time of delivery, whether it's worth compromising him. My real concern is that if he is larger than Jack (who was 6 pounds 12 ounces at birth) or just too large in general, I really don't want to risk a shoulder dystocia, his head not being small enough to fit through my pelvis or any other complications for him which could lead to ending up with a c-section after how many hours of labor and trying to push, or a NICU stay because something happened to him during delivery. I know too much as my mom put it the other day, and if I was clueless to what could happen, and what does happen, I probably wouldn't be real worried about it. But the fact of the matter is that I do know. I'm sure my OB loves that, LOL. I am not opposed to a c-section, but I also realize it's major abdominal surgery too. It's still too early to tell a whole lot at this point, so we will just wait and see, but I figure a conversation is at least in order.

We have a 4D ultrasound scheduled for next Friday. I failed to realize that this would be the last Friday before Thanksgiving, and thus, that Jack's preschool would be having their Thanksgiving celebration next Friday. Oops. I really don't want him to miss either thing, I'd feel bad if I made him go to the ultrasound and he could care less and would rather be with his friends at school. So I told him that his Thanksgiving party is at school the same day that we were going to go see Charlie on the tv screen. I explained that he could go to whichever thing he wants to go to, and that if he decides to go to school, I will have them make a video of Charlie so he can see it on our tv screen at home and really won't have missed anything at all. I told him he has until his second day of school next week to decide (so we can let his teachers know if he won't be going to school on Friday). He initially told me he wanted to go to school which was fine. Then today, he heard us talking about my in-laws, my mom, Archie and I all going out to IHOP after the ultrasound, and now he wants in on that deal. No doubt he's thinking about bacon (seriously, the kid LOVES bacon). I told him he has time to decide still, he doesn't have to decide now. I'm looking forward to this ultrasound and finding out how big he is measuring, and how much fluid I have at this point (to see if it's normal).

Speaking of that sweet boy of mine. I have to tell you that the last two weeks have been interesting around our house, well, it's always interesting with him around, but the last two weeks have been more entertaining. That might be the better description. It started two Mondays ago, when Jack came home from school and told me he wanted to change his name. I asked what he wanted to change it to, and he told me he wanted to be called "Bert." Yup, you read that right. I asked him where he got that name from (he was never into Sesame Street), and he told me he didn't know, he just liked it. I said, "Ok Buddy." Then he said, "No Mommy, it's Ok Bert." LOL. I called him Bert the rest of the night and tried to call him Bert the next morning and he informed me that he changed his mind and didn't like being called Bert anymore. Thank goodness! Then a few days later he told me he didn't want to call Charlie "Charlie". I thought he was going to go back to saying that he "hated" that name, but he didn't. He just wanted to know if we could call him Callen instead. I had to giggle, and asked where he'd heard that name. He didn't know, he just liked it. Now, Archie and I watch NCIS: LA, and G. Callen is one of the NCIS agents on that show, and we love him, BUT, we do not let Jack watch that show for obvious reasons. So where he got that name is beyond me, but it's a nice name. I asked Archie if he wanted to consider changing the name, and he said no, we've been calling the baby Charlie for weeks now, so it will stay Charlie.

Then over the weekend, we decided to go out back and play frisbee for a bit before I had to leave for work. Jack was looking at something with me, and turned around only to get nailed by the frisbee that his dad had thrown while no one else was looking. Needless to say, Archie felt awful when blood was flowing from Jack's poor nose. It's not broken luckily, I was almost crying (it doesn't take much these days) with Jack. His nose was swelling and starting to turn colors, so you can imagine the scene with me pinching his nose closed to try and stop the bleeding and with the other hand holding ice on his nose. It must have worked out well though because he didn't bruise up like I expected. After the drama was finished with, we went out back and played frisbee some more. With us throwing the frisbee basically to Jack's feet instead of high enough for him to catch it. We've played several times since, and understandably, he's still a little shy when it's higher than his waist, LOL.

My final story for this post is about this morning. Jack and I woke up, he kissed Chance (our greyhound) and then kissed my tummy. Then he turned, and asked me point blank, "How is Charlie going to get out of your tummy?" I know I hesitated and I probably had a deer in the headlights look to me because then he said, "Is he going to come out of your mouth or your belly button?" I had to giggle because of the innocence of a child, and remembering that as a kid I thought they came out of the belly button, were fed through the mom's belly button, and then for a while remember thinking that they were pooped out. I told him that Charlie wouldn't be coming out either of those ways. He wanted to know then, how was he going to get out? I told him that some mommies have surgery to take the baby out. That the doctor will cut them "here" (showed him where), and pull the baby out, and then they sew the mommy back up and everyone is good to go. Luckily he seemed satisfied with that answer and didn't ask how the other mommies get their babies out. I think my heart was in my throat until I realized that conversation was over. Whew!