IM Shots VS. Suppositories and Pills

I updated my last post on my new android touch phone that I'm not entirely convinced I like-I think it's just growing pains as I've never had a touch phone or a smartphone. Go figure.

Anyway, I was frustrated so I didn't finish my post. I forgot to ask my nurse why we were doing estrogen and progesterone shots this time vs. estrogen pills and progesterone suppositories. To be honest, I was asking for this to be changed since the shots don't really bother me and they are only once a day (well the progesterone is anyway once we get there) and the estrogen is every 3 days, I was just curious. I totally forgot to ask when my nurse called me as I was at another IF friend's house and 3 of us IF'ers (why does that sound like a bad word, LOL?) were talking about our "issues". One of them (thanks K!) asked me if I'd ever asked about that, and so I called my nurse right back while it was on my mind.

She told me that in a fresh IVF cycle, you make your own estrogen and progesterone (and evidently according to her, I make LOTS of it) and they are just supplementing during that time, whereas with a FET cycle, they are supplying all of it to your body, so they like to be able to be more conservative and know the absorption rate more precisely, thus the IM shots. It's fine with me. I also found out that if I do get pregnant, I get to not only stay on the progesterone shots until at least 10 weeks (last time we got pregnant it was 12), but I also get to stay on the estrogen shots every 3 days-woohoo!!!! (eye roll here) I'm not complaining, believe me, I'll take that and the morning sickness (aka all day sickness) I had with Jack if it means we can have another child.

I had my appointment with my psychiatrist and she thinks it's early for me to be seeing a therapist to deal with the IF/grieving issues, however, I want to be prepared with a number in hand, not spending days trying to track someone down. So after our beta, I will make a phone call and get the process rolling if the need arises. I am glad she didn't think my med needed to be adjusted as I'm on the lowest dose and when I'm not in the middle of cycles, I'm generally pretty stable with my moods and my sleep patterns, but in the last few months sleep hasn't come easily to me (I either can't shut my brain off, or I keep waking up) and I've been really irritable (sorry to my mom, sister, and dear husband!) and more difficult than normal. I really am sorry for that and I do try to control it as best I can, but sometimes I just can't. As if the guilt of the jealous feelings isn't enough, I have the guilt of being nasty to the ones closest to me. Not good. My psychiatrist says that infertility is one of the things her patients find hardest to deal with in normal activities and it is all consuming and that I need to realize that it's really stressful and believe me, I realize it, but I also don't like the way it makes me (a little loony maybe?!?!?). I mentioned adoption as it has been on my mind and she tells me I have enough on my plate at the moment, worry about that bridge when and IF I come to it. I know that, but I can't help but think about it sometimes...those stupid what if's!

God has a plan for us and I know this. I just started reading a book called "Hannah's Hope" by Jennifer Saake and it builds on the story of Hannah in the Bible, includes the author's own experiences with infertility (primary and secondary), loss, and failed adoptions. She has been through it all. It scares me some, I already see parallels between her and myself. From a very young age, we both wanted to be mothers, she suffered primary infertility as did we, had morning sickness all throughout her first pregnancy (as did I), and suffered from secondary infertility just as we are now. She also went down the road of adoption and while she got alot further than we did last time, it scares me to think about what might be around the corner, but I won't think about that now. I will say that I've gone through her first couple of chapters and I'm already hooked and finding it inspirational. A few things have jumped out at me already and I'll post more about that soon, but if you're in my boat and reading this and you have faith, it might be worth your time to pick this book up and read it. It is available on Kindle which is how I am currently reading it.