21 weeks 5 days

It only took one stick (and alot of pain as she fished around) to get my IV on Wednesday. Then it bruised throughout the day. I kept on top of flushing the IV more frequently in an effort to hopefully keep it through today, but I could tell when I flushed it on Thursday morning and it was so sluggish that it wasn't going to last that one more day. So I hung my last bag of IV fluids yesterday, pulled that sucker out when it was done, and called my OB today to ask her to discontinue my IV fluids. She and my urologist were both on board with this plan or I would have been calling to ask for a PICC.

While I had her on the phone, I asked if she'd gotten any official report on the ultrasound we had at 18 weeks. I wanted to know if they had cleared the baby's spine, or if perhaps we should schedule another look. She said that they cleared all three areas of the spine (cervical, thoracic, and lumbar), and that if they didn't have a good look, that they would have suggested further studies. It was read by a real radiologist, not just the tech who did the ultrasound. So this gives me a relief.

In other news, Jack finally got to feel the baby move once on Monday night. Since then, the baby has decided he likes to play games with his big brother, and everytime he's active and Jack puts his hand on my belly, the baby is perfectly still. Take Jack's hand off, and the baby moves. What a booger!

Now, I need to vent. As a NICU nurse at some point you will be the resus/triage nurse responsible for responding to calls in L&D. I'm pregnant, but not handicapped. I have no problem with going up for a resus for a c-section baby who may need help, or a meconium baby or any preemie. I did it throughout my pregnancy with Jack. I ran into a problem then, only because I looked at 30 weeks and thought, that is perfect, might need a little help breathing initially, but should do just fine. I was 29 weeks pregnant when we got a resus call for a 30 weeker. I went up for it like any other resus call, but something wasn't right with this baby. We couldn't get the baby's oxygen levels up, we couldn't get a breathing tube in the baby, anesthesia tried one of their devices and no matter what we did, we couldn't save this baby. One of the nurse practitioners was on this resus with me, and I didn't take it well when all was said and done. I was a week away from being where this baby was. One week. And we couldn't save this baby. Why not? Turns out the baby had a weird anatomy that no one knew about in utero, and there wasn't anything we would have been able to do to change what happened.

Now, come back to present day. I'll be 22 weeks pregnant on Sunday. I KNOW my baby isn't viable at this point. They wouldn't even try to resus my baby if I delivered next week, and I know that, and I'm fine with it because I know what the likelihood of problems would be for my child, and that's not a life. I am the resus nurse tonight. No biggie. It's part of the job. My charge nurse tells me there is a 23 weeker upstairs in active labor. Ok, no biggie. I know that with any 23 weeker, the baby may be too small to resus, or the resus may not go well and may end up in a full code, or the baby may just have the typical resus for that gestation, come down to our unit to be admitted, and go through all the normal stuff a 23 weeker would be expected to go through. The nurse practitioner (different from the one I was with in the above scenario), and the fellow don't think I should go up. They think we need to be realistic about what we're asking people to do. Seriously, I know my baby isn't viable right now, and it wouldn't be my first or tenth 23 week resus I went on. They want someone who isn't so close to the gestational age to go. I asked another nurse in my room who has an easy assignment if she'd mind going up for that one, that I'll handle the rest of them. She doesn't want to go because she MIGHT be pregnant. Are you freaking kidding me? And if you are indeed pregnant, do you think you won't have be resus for the next 36 weeks? That's not how our job works. I would totally get this if it meant being exposed to something that's not safe in pregnancy like varicella, herpes, toxoplasmosis, CMV, etc. I'm just frustrated. This is a person who in general, I usually get along with, but I am really irritated. She could be the nurse admitting this baby and not get a say in it at all, but you can't go up for a fifteen minute resus? Luckily there are a few other nurses who know how the job works who are willing to go up for this baby. At least I can count on most of my coworkers for good teamwork and support.

Welcome!

Hi all!

So I started this new blog because my last one it turns out was circulating around work, and I had not mentioned names of people, but had described my relationships with them and in an effort to be a little more careful so that I can feel like I can openly discuss my feelings and not have EVERYONE there know my business, I've moved. I don't mind people from this blog looking back at that one, but I do mind some of the coworkers reading this one. If you happen to be one of my few friends at work that I have shared this new blog with, please be careful to delete it from the history on work computers, or just check it from home. I work on a unit of about 104 people, and I heard that about roughly half have been checking up on it. Hence, my new blog. Welcome!

In case you are just now finding my blog, here is some back story. Originally I started blogging after we had a hellacious IVF cycle early last year. We had done a different protocol than we had originally when first cycled. Our first IVF/ICSI cycle was a lupron protocol. This last one we tried the Antagonist protocol because our fertility doctor felt that they could more easily control my risk of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) with it. With our first cycle we had 18 eggs retrieved, 11 were mature enough for ICSI, and 8 fertilized. We put two embryos back on day 3, and let the rest grow until day 5 hoping for some blasts to freeze. They all teetered out. Our second cycle we had 9 eggs, 6 were mature enough for ICSI, and 3 fertilized. The day before our scheduled transfer, we were called and informed that all 3 were "genetically abnormal" as they all had multiple nuclei. Our cycle was cancelled. Happy Anniversary to us, yes, it was cancelled on our 4th wedding anniversary.

We moved onto domestic adoption, chose our agency, and had begun fundraising to help us with the costs. We had a great turnout at our first fundraiser, and an awful turnout at the second which cost us everything we had raised the first time around. We got a letter from our fertility clinic telling us that they were merging with another major clinic in the area. After contacting them we found out that we'd pay far less to do another cycle with them than we would for adoption. Then we got more information from our insurance that actually will allow us to another full cycle with just the copay coming out of our pocket. So, this is our current plan for hopefully later this year. If it doesn't work, I think we will call our little family complete and continue to feel blessed that we have our one little boy to love.

13 Weeks Post Injury-Almost!

Friday will be 13 weeks since I broke my arm. I started with physical therapy this past Friday. It was painful, but my physical therapist is great, and he pushes me to my limit when it comes to him trying to loosen up my wrist, but also gives me leeway to tell him if it's too much. I have yet to voice it and make him stop because I want to push myself to heal as quickly as possible. I've come close to begging for mercy, but I just bite my tongue and tense the rest of my body, LOL.

I spoke with my boss who is going to have me come back and do clerical work as a unit secretary. They also have a few projects in store for me to work on at the same time which is good. I love that I can go back to my unit (I don't have to get to know new people, and I'm comfortable there with the policies, how things work, etc.), and that I will be able to see my coworkers I've really missed over the last 3 months! I will be doing mostly evenings with some nights mixed in. I've enjoyed living life on a "normal" person's schedule the last 3 months, but the nightshift staff is so much more fun and laid back. Evening shift should be interesting, I'll get to work with the dayshift, and then with my favorite people too. The only drawback is living like a gypsy, lol. I'll leave work and probably go sleep at my mom's house (she is the awesome childcare provider when Archie and I both work) so that she doesn't have to get up early for Jack, and if he doesn't have school he isn't forced to get up early. The only thing I don't like about it is that of course, I sleep better in my own bed, and I don't have to worry about a barking dog (or 3) waking up my mom and Jack when I come in at midnight from work.

I should start back either later this week or definitely next week. I will know more in the morning when my boss calls. It's bittersweet. I've enjoyed the normal schedule like I mentioned earlier, but I've also enjoyed being at home with Jack this whole time. It's like a second maternity leave minus the baby, lol. I've loved being able to do what I wanted when I wanted (like doing a day trip to Ocean City this past Monday), and not having to worry about whether I'd have enough energy to do something because of working all night the night before. I've loved having a ton of free time, but I've also found myself extremely addicted to Facebook, the greatest time-suck ever. I've started an online Etsy store where I am selling onesies, burp cloths, kid's shirts that I began hand-embroidering shortly after I broke my arm. It was a creative outlet for my depression I struggled with at times, it helped distract me and relax me. If I could just sell something, that would be great, lol.

Jack had a hard time when he spent the night with my mom last Friday. Archie and I really needed a date night, and we had a great time, but Jack hadn't spent the night at my mom's house since St. Patty's day. I made the mistake of calling to say goodnight before our movie started and he was very upset that I wasn't coming to take him home. It will be hard for me to go back to work and not talk to him at bedtime. I am going to attempt to make my first night back the same routine we had before I broke my arm in the hopes that he just falls back into it. I will call that night to say goodnight and hope that he isn't upset. If he is, we will give it a week or two and try it again when he's back in the routine. After being the one to put him to bed every night with our nightly prayer, chat, and snuggle routine, I think it will be hard to just give that up. I've enjoyed that quiet time where I can get him to focus enough to just tell me what he enjoyed about his day, and hearing what he didn't like about his day. He's growing so much, and as a normal 3 year old, usually too into his toys or running around to carry on much of a conversation. I just like to hear what he thinks, what he enjoys, what he doesn't, what he did in school that day, etc. Usually bedtime is the only time I can get him to focus well enough to extract that info from him. Last night when I put Jack to bed we blew each other kisses, and he told me that the second one he blew to God. How stinking cute is that???? I will miss this.

It will be ok and we will do fine with some tweaking I'm sure.

Please pray for my wrist to continue to heal, and for the pain to lessen. Please pray for us to adjust quickly to my return to work.

Update-11.5 Weeks Post Injury

On the way to my appointment on Monday, I was talking to one of my friends who asked if I was nervous or excited about my appointment. "Excited of course! I'm getting this stupid cast off and then I can go swimming!!!" This Friday will be 12 weeks since I broke my wrist. I went for my appointment on Monday and my radius and ulna are healed. My scaphoid looked like it was in good position with the screw which has not moved. My doctor was happy with both of those things. The cast came off. Yay! right? Not so fast...

During his assessment, we discovered that I have a little (and I mean little) tenderness in my radius area, but it is also near my scaphoid...In assessing my range of motion, I'm a little stiff in my hand as is to be expected, however, I now have a pronation contracture. So if you put both of your arms at your side and bend your elbows at a 90 degree angle and put your palms facing up, that is pronation. Put your palms facing the floor, and that is supination. Basically with my left arm, I can supinate, and I can get my hand turned far enough that my palm faces my right hand, but I cannot (nor can the doctor) push it further than that. My arm being frozen from that point on is this contracture.

So, the new plan (much to my dismay), is to start physical therapy with passive range of motion, biofeedback, etc, to get the movement back in my wrist and hand. I am still not allowed to lift anything heavier than a coffee cup. I am not to start resistive physical therapy or weight bearing until I see him again...my next appointment is in A MONTH !!!! I left crying with my first PT appointment this Friday, and a removable brace on my arm.

Seriously, I've lived without my shift differential for 3 months now, but it's getting harder to keep going financially. I am worried I will run out of my vacation time to supplement my short term disability (which pays 60% of my base pay weekly). We kicked around the idea of taking Jack out of school for the summer if I'm staying at home anyway and probably not going back to work at this point until late-July or early-August. I hate to do it, for all of us. I think it's really important as a change of scenery for Jack, for his socialization, and for what he might be learning (this month they are working on the body, well, he's pretty knowledgeable about what happens with the body and handwashing, etc., so what's he missing). Archie and I were worried his 3 year old lack of listening, and whining would make us want to run away if we had to deal with it 24/7, LOL. At this point I'm thinking of either taking him from 3 days a week to two, or just sending him 3 days a week for morning only (afternoon consists of lunch, nap and a half hour of playtime outside). And let's be honest, I look forward to my 3 days a week of an all day break.

I did call my boss yesterday in tears and left her a message, and she did call me back today. I explained that my doctor was willing to release me for light duty if I wanted it. Until this point I hadn't taken it because everyone, including my supervisors thought I would have to do something during the day. The problem with this is that with no shift differential and working 5 days a week, Jack would have to be in school 5 days a week which would be more expensive, and we'd actually be in more of a bind, so it made sense for me to stay out. If you think about it, probably with physical therapy and all it makes more sense for me to have my days free for those appointments anyway. I explained this to my manager today, and told her that if she could find something for me in the evening or during nightshift, I could absolutely do it and had childcare. So she is checking into it for me. It may not be on my unit or have anything to do with nursing, but it would be a job for me to go back to. I could stop using my vacation time (and save it for if we EVER have another child), stop being so stressed out financially, and I wouldn't be as bored.

In January we put a deposit on a condo in Myrtle Beach for a week in late August. My friend was going to go with us and bring her son (Jack's best friend) and split it with us. This is now in jeopardy if I don't go back to work soon. We don't owe alot on our condo, but between that and spending money, gas, etc., it may have to be nixed. We were all really looking forward to it, and it's not the end of the world if it gets cancelled, but it would be disappointing.

Please pray that my boss finds a position for me in the evening or night, that my pay be the same (not a decrease if I get a position with a lower pay grade), and that my physical therapy helps loosen me up. My next appoinment with my doc is on July 2nd-my 30th birthday. Please pray that that appoinment goes well, because I feel like at least one of the appointments should bring good news, and if it can only be one, it should be on my birthday. LOL

December 10, 2006-3 years ago

My contractions continued to get closer together. At 4:30AM my charge nurse sent me home, my contractions were 7 minutes apart. I went home and laid down on the couch with Archie and he was timing my contractions. Imagine my sincere disappointment when those contractions started to get irregular and spread out as far apart as 12 minutes again. I was not a happy camper for sure.

I was due to go back into work that night, and figuring that it could still be a few days before Jack arrived, I went back. I was having irregular contractions at that point. My coworkers were rather surprised when I showed up at 7pm ready to work. Nothing else happens that day. I bide my time, waiting for my appointment on Tuesday with my OB to see if I've made any more progress. The previous week I was only dilated 1cm.

More to come later!

December 9, 2006-3 years ago

On December 9, 2006 I was scheduled to work. I have worked nights since before Archie and I got married because he worked nights, and being on the same schedule just worked better for us. So, I was to work the nightshift for both Saturday and Sunday. I didn't have enough time as it was to take a full 12 weeks with pay (pay being short term disability supplemented with the vacation and sick time I'd worked to accrue over the years), so the plan was to work until I went into labor.

I woke up at 2:30pm with contractions. They were 20 minutes apart, and I figured running around chasing beeps from monitors and taking care of other people's babies would push things along. So I went into work Saturday night. By midnight I was about 12 minutes apart. I still wasn't going home. I figured when they got to be close together, then I'd go home. I'm pretty stubborn. I was a little uncomfortable, but not anything horrendous, just noticeable contractions that bothered me more than my normal Braxton-Hicks I'd been having since 19 weeks. At this point, I was 37 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy.

Nothing else happened on Saturday, so you'll have to tune into tomorrow's post to see what happens next...