Sunday, November 21, 2010


I stumbled across another IFer's blog. She was posing the question about how or if infertile bloggers censor their blogs. Would we delay posting about a BFP (aka big fat positive for my non-trying to conceive friends) until a specified date or event? It made me think. I refuse to censor my blog in so much as my feelings about things, what happens in our travels, etc. I try not to discuss arguments I have and things like that, but I will discuss conversations we have regarding our treatments, children, etc.

I've thought alot recently about posting that we were pregnant. I want to be able to tell all of my family, friends, and followers. But because my blog was evidently so interesting to my coworkers who wanted to talk about me, I really hesitate. What is one to do in this situation? I've changed the blog name, but I saw on that nifty little "stats" tab where you can track the audience, etc. to the blog that someone googled my blog with what I have under my "About Me" section of the blog. I have since changed that, but despite that, they could have it with the name or address of the blog at this point. I refuse to start a whole new blog for the pregnancy. It's just too much. So, what do I do? I guess I could say if you want to know our beta results, email me your address and I'll include you on the email I will send out, but not post it to the blog. To be honest, if the cycle doesn't work I don't know when I'll feel like posting that it didn't. And lets be honest, if I get as sick as I was with Jack, everyone at work will know it anyway, there won't be any hiding it, and it won't matter, I'd only be able to keep a pregnancy secret in that situation for a couple of weeks.

I don't know. Everyone knowing that we were doing a cycle last time, and knowing when our beta was ended up working out ok and I was so glad it was a sticky little embryo in there, but I did think about what if something awful happened? Then I'd have to tell everyone, and then you'd have people who didn't know what to say, just gave you a look, etc., and I didn't want that. So it would be easier if everyone didn't know right away at work. After everyone knew, I just remember thinking, wow, I still have another 8 weeks to go to get to the second trimester, that's alot of time for something to happen.

I worry too much, I know this. It's one of my flaws. If you've been in this situation, I'd love to hear what you did, or any ideas you might have about how to best approach this!


  1. I don't know an answer to your question because I haven't been there, but be sure to include me on the email! ;)

  2. I guess personally I prefer to wait awhile before work colleagues and extended family get to know. I would love to know if you are pregnant though and don't think you shouldn't blog about it BUT if it is going to out you IRL before you are ready it is fair for you to protect yourself, because it's no-one else's business just cause the have the ability to Google you. Please let me know no matter what!

  3. Here from ICLW :) I think how much to post and who to tell about a blog is a touchy subject. Not to mention people knowing your pregnant before the 2nd trimester. I think people can be very naive about the security of an early pregnancy. Sending you prayers, best wishes and sticky baby dust for your next IVF cycle.

  4. well, you already know what I did...but I really struggled with this also. I COMPLETELY understand not wanting everyone to know if something goes wrong. Luckily, I had two awesome friends at work that I KNEW I could trust not to say anything :) And even with the sickness, somehow I managed to (somewhat) hide it until I was almost 20 weeks from the rest of the staff (although many of them suspected). Worrying is definitely a struggle for me too...I remind myself often that I am supposed to be trusting God and that my worries do no good, but its still hard to break free from that habit. I am praying for you daily and whatever you decide on this subject, I will be there for support!

  5. Hey, here are my thoughts on the issue of telling people. I DEFINITELY think you should only do what you feel comfortable with, whatever that is. I would LOVE to get an email from you saying that the cycle worked! (You do have my email address, right?) But, if you would rather tell your mom only and your closest friends and then leave the bloggers waiting a bit, that is okay! You know I did 4 cycles, driving 30 minutes each way for my daily ultrasounds and blood draws BEFORE I had to be at work at 7:30 every morning. And I never told anyone. We only had told our two closest friends who were being very helpful and supportive throughout the entire thing. It was very very difficult to not tell people at work because I could have really used the support, but every time that we had a failed cycle, I was so thankful that I had not told them. You are so right about the looks and of course there are always the gossipers. I'm glad that you were able to start a different blog and try to hand pick your followers. But, you're right that you may still have some readers that you don't want to tell. We are all hoping for you and praying for you, and it is so amazingly brave and generous of you to share your journey so openly like this. It means a lot to me personally. But, if you have to go quiet for a few weeks, either because you are so happy or because you are disappointed, we will totally understand.

    Also, Farmer's Wife: how the heck did you manage to hide it for nearly 20 weeks at work? I must admit that I never knew. You are so sneaky. :)