Monday, November 23, 2009

Holy Adoption!

So I was perusing one of the other blogs I follow-The Mommy Journals, and I have to say that I began reading her blog, and I didn't agree with her on all of her stances. For instance, she is very much pro-life. I'm not really sure what I am. I could never myself have an abortion, and for the most part, I don't think you should do it except in extreme circumstances (rape, etc.), so where that is concerned, I am pro-life. But, that said, working where I do, and seeing what I see, there are so many children that we send home with questionable parents. And that is putting it nicely. I hate to be judgemental, but there are some parents who just shouldn't be allowed to take children home, particularly without the homestudy and follow up required with adoptions at the very least. I say this because I see children sent home to places where a mother is an addict, and doesn't have custody of her other 7 children, but yet, her child can go home to the grandmother, raising the other 7 children, and allowing her daughter, the child's mother to continue living with her while she uses, and thus, still exposing her children to that. Our child welfare system is so badly taxed. In our state, parents have endless opportunities to keep messing up, abusing the system, putting their children in bad situations, and yet, our foster care system keeps sending them back home. Why, because they believe it's better for the kids to be with their biological families. At what cost? I'm not saying that these people should get abortions. I'm just saying that perhaps it should be an option for people who don't have many other choices. And I guess in that manner, I am a bit pro-choice. It's funny because before I worked in an inner city hospital, I was so pro-life, and it had nothing to do with religion. It was simply something that I believed in.

Anyway, I decided to take a look at an article she had come across, that she mentioned in her post, and was appalled by. She said it was disturbing, particularly for parents who have relinquished a child for adoption. Well, let me tell you, I've never relinquished a child, but I felt absolutely sick to my stomach and in tears after reading the article.

First, the article is about crisis pregnancy centers (CPC's), and what the women who visit some of these centers end up facing throughout their pregnancy. It's a good article to read, a good one to open up some eyes, shed some light for those who have never been there. I have posted previously about ethics in adoption, the need for adoption reform, and how first parents are sometimes treated. This article says it all, no joke. I should note that I'm not saying all CPC's are bad. I think that there is some good to them, such as providing pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, etc. I think that the fact that they make adoption info available to pregnant women is a good thing, but I also think that information on parenting, resources available for women living in poverty, or struggling to get by is extremely important so that women can make decisions that are good for them and their child.

Some of you may recall that in a previous post I discussed why we had not chosen Bethany Christian Services for the adoption we were planning. This article talks about BCS quite a bit, and let me tell you that I am so glad we decided not to go with them. I am glad that we trusted our gut instinct. It would kill me to hear that our child's first parent went through what these women have. The pressure from the CPC's, the homes made available for these women to live to be cared for while they continue their pregnancy, where the people they live with may very well make them feel like dirt for having trouble relinquishing their child is astonishing to me. Where the women are cut off from the rest of the world socially, and where they may tell you that you could never provide for that child like another family could. It made me cry just to read this article. I understand people are very much pro-life, but what about being understanding, and remembering that while they are choosing life for their child, that they may want to parent that child themselves. It's like brainwashing. I just think it's horrible. There has to be a better way.


  1. sounds like you have a great grasp on things coming in to the process!

  2. Wow, I'm glad you followed your gut and avoided any association with BCS. That would have been hard to deal with.

  3. I was absolutely appaled at reading this article- how can anyone treat another human being like that- that mother is not just a birthing machine!