Forgot to Tell You Guys!

I don't know how this slipped my mind, but the last few days have been busy, so, I am proud to announce that we now have 4 snowbabies. 4 embryos made it to be frozen, and I think that's awesome. This was the best cycle we've ever had, regardless of whether we find out we're pregnant or not in about a week. We had the most eggs ever, the most mature enough for ICSI ever, our embryos made it further than they ever have before, and now we have 4 frozen. I sincerely pray that we will not need to thaw them and do another cycle, but I'm glad to know that if we do, it won't cost us nearly as much as a fresh cycle since we probably used up the remainder of our cap through our insurance with this current cycle.

Praise God for little blessings like these!

Paranoid and d2p6dt

I realize I tend to be a bit paranoid about this blog especially given that fact that so many people at work had issues with it before, and so I am just trying to keep it more private. I think my cousin's comment on my last post is right. My traffic feed is just making me more paranoid. Although it may be for good reason since my girlfriend said she just checked in and shows up as one area, and that area had checked in 6 hours before her and it wasn't her, maybe it's a coincidence and someone I don't even know who checked in. I'm taking my traffic feed off for my own sanity, stress levels, etc so that hopefully I can get through this already stressful time successfully.

That said, if you are a coworker and you are checking out my blog and I did NOT give it to you personally, please keep it to YOURSELF and resist the urge to gossip about it, me, or this journey of mine with other coworkers. Don't just lurk! Comment and let me know who you are so I have a clue who knows about this! Thanks :)

I've been asked how I'm feeling. Really no different than usual to be honest. I had some sharp cramping the night of the transfer and since then mild cramping off and on. Day 9 of IVF#1 was when I started having sharp cramps and then started spotting until day 13, our beta was on day 15. That was with a day 3 transfer, and embryos that weren't nearly as far along as these two that we put back this time. I am now d2p6dt (or day 2 post 6 day transfer; or 2 days after a day 6 transfer) and so if this cycle mimicks our first, tomorrow would be the same time I started spotting. I've been a bit paranoid because the cramping was earlier this time and frequent trips to the bathroom to check toilet paper haven't revealed any spotting...yet. I'm not sure what that means for this cycle, but I can't obsess over it either. What will be will be. We can only hope and pray that God blesses us with another child (or two!). It's still early, my beta isn't until late next week, and alot can happen between now and then (although any implanting should take place by Sunday). I can't really say I have any symptoms that can't be attributed to having a cold or being on estrace and progesterone.

Bent

I'm bent. I just walked into one of the room's at work and a coworker asked me how everything went. I was caught off guard, and I asked her how she knew. This person has been through it before too, but I didn't tell her we were doing a cycle this time. Her response to me was, "You know how word gets around here." I said, "Well I'd love to know who said something, especially considering the fact that I didn't tell many people this time, I kept it in a pretty close circle." I'm really not happy. People have been checking in on my blog from Clarksburg, MD; Germantown, MD; Potomac, MD; and DC, and I have no idea who they are, but they could be coworkers. For that reason, I'm not announcing the results of my pregnancy test on here until I'm good and ready for anyone (including work people) to know.

I have the contact info for some of my followers, and for those that regularly follow me, if you're unsure if I have your info, please email it to me at sweetrn621 at msn dot com and put in the subject line "BLOG" so I will not just spam it. I will send an email out to those who want to know our results as soon as we know.

Sorry guys, I'm just bent out of shape and until I know who is talking about us and our personal issues, I just can't do it.

PUPO

I am officially PUPO. Pregnant until proven otherwise. We put back 2 good quality hatched blasts (ready to implant), and we have 2 ready to freeze and a few more trying to catch up.

I prayed and talked to my embryos as did Archie and we asked them to stick around a while. I wanted to stay lying on my back forever, and while I knew they would kick me out eventually, I decided to leave after my 15 minutes on my back in the stretcher with a pillow under my rear. I am now laying back as far as I can in the car with a pillow under my rear on my way to the acupuncturist. I will then be going home to park my fat rear on the couch with a pillow under it. :)

Oh and there will not be any pictures because Dr. M was wrong and this clinic only takes pics of the transfer into your uterus and to be honest I can barely see it so I imagine you all won`t be ale to see it on a scanned copy.

Wide Awake at 2AM

Yup, that would be me! On the day of transfer that cannot be changed unless the unspeakable happens. I don't think I'm excited, just a little, do you?

Postponed...Again (edited)

I have no idea why. I also have no idea why the nurse would call my home phone, say she was going to call my cell and yet 20 minutes later I still haven't heard from her. I called her back like she asked me to, and it goes to voicemail. I have no idea why it's postponed or what's going on with these potential babies. She better call me back soon because my heart can't take this torment!!!

***edited to add***
I did finally talk to her. I have to say I'm a little disappointed that it didn't happen today. It's just hard to maintain the excitement when everyday they're calling you and you're not sure if they're calling to say that the embryos are doing well and transfer will be the next day now, or if they're calling to say the embryos fizzled out and your cycle is cancelled. It has been a hell of a roller coaster, and many are riding it with me, but I think my mom may be riding it the most with me. She calls me in anticipation, gets as upset/excited as I do and questions as much as I do.

She called me this morning on my way home wanting to know if I'd heard anything, and of course I hadn't because little did I know, the nurse had called my home phone and left a message there, but when my phone rang my heart jumped into my throat yet again, and I was half upset to see it was my mom calling (just because the darn phone rang and that couldn't be a good thing the morning you want to transfer), but half ecstatic that it wasn't the lab! It's just rough.

And I wasn't feeling this nurse. It's not my regular one, she's off today, and this nurse didn't give me numbers and to be honest, I just wanted to know what time I had to be there tomorrow and get off the phone with this bearer of bad news (in the fact that I was being postponed yet AGAIN). All I know at this point is that we have "a few" at the early blast stage, "quite a few at the morula stage", and one 9 cell. No word on quality (I think the blast ones might be hard to judge at this stage), or exact numbers. My transfer is tomorrow morning at 11:15, and this is the final time. I asked the nurse are they sure none will cease before tomorrow or stop growing, and she said that's never a guarantee, but that I definitely have enough that some will be transferred tomorrow. They better hope they're right!

My mom was upset with me for not knowing why they couldn't tell which ones would be best today if we already had some in early blast stage. My mind was reeling and I couldn't explain it, but here is why I think that. In my boredom last night, I found this site that talks about it. If you scroll down to where they talk about the grading system, beneath that they show you and you can see that they can't grade the early blastocysts. I know that it's important to put back the best ones and that this is why they need another day to be able to let them declare themselves, it's just hard to accept that I have to wait yet another day, and hope and pray that they'll be ok until transfer tomorrow.

And now we're back to putting my trust in the lab that does this all the time, and putting my trust in God that He will protect my itty bitty babies growing in a lab until tomorrow. I have to trust that He wants the best for us as well, and what he wants for us is what will be. Please pray for us tonight that our embryos continue to develop. Please pray for us tomorrow that transfer goes well. I likely will not update until after my transfer tomorrow as I AM NOT expecting a call in the morning unless something goes wrong. Therefore, I won't be able to tell you how they are doing, what they look like or anything until after my transfer. And I may be a bit delayed in that, because I will likely get little pictures of my embryos before they go back, and as I did when we did our first cycle, I scanned them at Kinkos and when we got pregnant I emailed them out that one of those embryos was our baby. This time I will post tomorrow that hopefully one of those embryos will become a healthy baby for us, sibling for Jack, neice/nephew for Aunt Holly, and grandchild for Grandmom, Mamala, and Papalo.

Wide Awake

Ok, so I'm awake because I'm working, but that's just a minor detail. I'm relatively sure that if I was laying in bed at home right now, that I'd be awake or at least tossing and turning with anticipation. I figure I'll get a call around 8am today to tell me they're pushing be back to tomorrow for transfer, mainly because it would be convenient for me for them to do the transfer today, and obviously, my life doesn't work that way (nothing ever just goes smoothly, LOL).

So I'm trying some breathing excercises to calm myself, you know, in case it actually does happen today. I'm trying to psych myself up (without caffeine) for staying awake after I get off work today to get Jack home to my friends (grandmom/daughter-in-law type deal-one is watching Jack who has had a fever since Saturday, and the other is watching the first friend's children while I'm getting my transfer), Archie getting home on time so we can head up for my transfer, and then of course staying awake until I get home and can crash in the bed or sofa for the rest of the day.

I was reading this on my clinic's website, and I cannot believe that either if our embryos are transferred back today, they could start implanting as early as tomorrow! That is insane! Even more insane is the fact that if they waited until tomorrow to transfer back, we could be having a baby(ies) implant tomorrow or the next few days!

I'm truly excited. If I step back and look at the situation, it makes me nervous to be excited because it's not a given, but I've had such an outpouring of support, wonderful friends and family keeping me pumped up and pushing through the tough times, and a stronger faith in God than I have ever had before, and I feel more relaxed this cycle than I have any other previous one and I'm just amazed. I don't know if it's the new clinic, the stronger faith in the Lord, a combination or what, but this is the BEST cycle we've ever had. We are so blessed and lucky for this. I never expected it. Dr. M told us two years ago with our last cycle that he was amazed at how much my egg quality had declined in just 3 years (from our first cycle). I wasn't even 30 yet. That was pretty hard to hear. So you can imagine my shock when this cycle has not only gone well, but we've got more embryos, better quality embryos, and we still have some at this point. This is the furthest we've ever made it. I am so grateful.