Hard Time

Ugh. I was doing so well on the whole "not worried about doing another cycle right now" bit. I was so proud of myself, really. I know that sounds, well, stupid, but when you've had trouble getting pregnant and you really want it, and you find yourself green with envy when others are pregnant around you...well, you'd be proud of yourself for not feeling that yucky jealous feeling too. And you know what else, I felt at peace for the most part when I was not too worried about it.

I actually thought that I might be getting to a place where I was ok with being "done". The last few weeks dealing with the probability of what our taxes were going to look like made that reality set in a little bit more, at least for this year. Then I had to go to that follow up appointment with my urologist and start talking to him, get good results, and be told that as far as my labs were concerned, we had the green light to do another IVF cycle. He told me again about adopting his daughter (I think he forgot that he told me that to begin with earlier this year), and I began to vocalize the thoughts I'd been pondering regarding IUI. Evidently that was all it took to get this roller coaster of emotions stirred up again.

I really was doing quite well until I got onto a blog and began to read other people's blogs that were linked. I had checked this particular blog a few months ago, and had wished this person luck on their IF journey. This person is pregnant now. No biggie. But she's super pregnant with multiples and sometimes things are just too much to read. We have to know every little symptom, and this person goes so in depth, and granted, I know they are excited. Trust me, I get that. But can't you just say what you want to say without going over the top? It's funny, I have a friend who is pregnant, but when she was trying, it used to kill her to read friend's statuses on Facebook where all they talked about was their pregnancy. I sympathized, but none of my friends on Facebook are that over the top. And then I stumble onto this blog, and immediately I think of my friend and I can so identify. I will be banning myself from reading this person's blog for a while, for my own mental health. Matter of fact, maybe I'll just stick to my regular blogs so I can't stumble upon any more ones that make me touchy... :)

Thanks for letting me vent...