21 weeks 5 days

It only took one stick (and alot of pain as she fished around) to get my IV on Wednesday. Then it bruised throughout the day. I kept on top of flushing the IV more frequently in an effort to hopefully keep it through today, but I could tell when I flushed it on Thursday morning and it was so sluggish that it wasn't going to last that one more day. So I hung my last bag of IV fluids yesterday, pulled that sucker out when it was done, and called my OB today to ask her to discontinue my IV fluids. She and my urologist were both on board with this plan or I would have been calling to ask for a PICC.

While I had her on the phone, I asked if she'd gotten any official report on the ultrasound we had at 18 weeks. I wanted to know if they had cleared the baby's spine, or if perhaps we should schedule another look. She said that they cleared all three areas of the spine (cervical, thoracic, and lumbar), and that if they didn't have a good look, that they would have suggested further studies. It was read by a real radiologist, not just the tech who did the ultrasound. So this gives me a relief.

In other news, Jack finally got to feel the baby move once on Monday night. Since then, the baby has decided he likes to play games with his big brother, and everytime he's active and Jack puts his hand on my belly, the baby is perfectly still. Take Jack's hand off, and the baby moves. What a booger!

Now, I need to vent. As a NICU nurse at some point you will be the resus/triage nurse responsible for responding to calls in L&D. I'm pregnant, but not handicapped. I have no problem with going up for a resus for a c-section baby who may need help, or a meconium baby or any preemie. I did it throughout my pregnancy with Jack. I ran into a problem then, only because I looked at 30 weeks and thought, that is perfect, might need a little help breathing initially, but should do just fine. I was 29 weeks pregnant when we got a resus call for a 30 weeker. I went up for it like any other resus call, but something wasn't right with this baby. We couldn't get the baby's oxygen levels up, we couldn't get a breathing tube in the baby, anesthesia tried one of their devices and no matter what we did, we couldn't save this baby. One of the nurse practitioners was on this resus with me, and I didn't take it well when all was said and done. I was a week away from being where this baby was. One week. And we couldn't save this baby. Why not? Turns out the baby had a weird anatomy that no one knew about in utero, and there wasn't anything we would have been able to do to change what happened.

Now, come back to present day. I'll be 22 weeks pregnant on Sunday. I KNOW my baby isn't viable at this point. They wouldn't even try to resus my baby if I delivered next week, and I know that, and I'm fine with it because I know what the likelihood of problems would be for my child, and that's not a life. I am the resus nurse tonight. No biggie. It's part of the job. My charge nurse tells me there is a 23 weeker upstairs in active labor. Ok, no biggie. I know that with any 23 weeker, the baby may be too small to resus, or the resus may not go well and may end up in a full code, or the baby may just have the typical resus for that gestation, come down to our unit to be admitted, and go through all the normal stuff a 23 weeker would be expected to go through. The nurse practitioner (different from the one I was with in the above scenario), and the fellow don't think I should go up. They think we need to be realistic about what we're asking people to do. Seriously, I know my baby isn't viable right now, and it wouldn't be my first or tenth 23 week resus I went on. They want someone who isn't so close to the gestational age to go. I asked another nurse in my room who has an easy assignment if she'd mind going up for that one, that I'll handle the rest of them. She doesn't want to go because she MIGHT be pregnant. Are you freaking kidding me? And if you are indeed pregnant, do you think you won't have be resus for the next 36 weeks? That's not how our job works. I would totally get this if it meant being exposed to something that's not safe in pregnancy like varicella, herpes, toxoplasmosis, CMV, etc. I'm just frustrated. This is a person who in general, I usually get along with, but I am really irritated. She could be the nurse admitting this baby and not get a say in it at all, but you can't go up for a fifteen minute resus? Luckily there are a few other nurses who know how the job works who are willing to go up for this baby. At least I can count on most of my coworkers for good teamwork and support.