Friday, August 28, 2009

Open Adoption

Some people who don't know much about open adoption often ask if we want to have a relationship with our future child's first family. My answer is always absolutely. They want to know why. I think Todd summed it up perfectly on his blog when he said this about a conversation he and his son's first father had
Why do I believe in Open Adoption? Ray and I talked as we walked Puppy to the park with the fountain that Open Adoption doesn't take away the pain of adoption, but it gives it the air it needs to breathe and heal. Family looks different, but family is still family.

It is extremely painful for a first parent to give their child a life with someone else. Sure, it's a choice they make as I've been told by people who have never given their child up. And perhaps I believed this to be so simple as well before I started reading things that first parents had posted on different forums. Food for thought maybe. They never forget that child, they want to know that their child is happy with their family that they chose. Much to popular belief, many of these first parents are not drug addicts or teenage moms. Many are just like you and me who are facing circumstances which they believe aren't ideal for their child. I can only begin to imagine what it must be like to have to make that decision. But to have a relationship with their child, to be able to see that they are ok, that they are happy must be bittersweet, no doubt, but it has to help in some way. Obviously it's good for the child involved. Who better to answer a question about "why". Who better to answer the question about what making that decision was like for them.

Regardless of the labels assigned to any of us involved in the adoption, family is still family. Ours will grow not only by one when we finally bring home our child, but by even more, there are more people to love that child than just our family as we know it now. I don't think that's a bad thing. I just pray that we're placed with a child from a family who wants to have a relationship with us, so that we can all be there to support our child, and help them grow into a strong individual.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for writing this Jacksmom. I too hope our children's birthparents stay committed to relationship and all of us as family. I know in the long term it will be the best for our kids.