It's Been a While-11 Weeks Pregnant

I know it's been a while since I posted. There's a few reasons for that. First is that no one likes a whiner. And I didn't want to get on here and whine. Then I felt good for a few days, and had an overwhelming feeling of dread wash over me at 5am one morning while I was playing a game online, not even thinking about the baby. I got scared and had no way to ease my fears. It was just easier to withdraw and not talk about it, hoping then I wouldn't think about it. But my nausea returned and so did some reassurance. I had my OB appointment on Friday and was going to post, but I hadn't slept in almost 24 hours and sleep won out. Then yesterday was my birthday, and I found myself with heavy spotting in the morning which after my progesterone did lighten up throughout the day. I spent the morning anxious but went out to celebrate the day with Archie and Jack and tried not to think about it (every time I ran to the bathroom to check and make sure things were OK). Then last night I really didn't feel good and that is a whole story unto itself. I think things are probably fine.

So let me update you on my week. I felt better come Friday and Saturday of last week. I think the increased zofran dose and the fact that it dissolves in my mouth (so I can't just throw it back up as I had at least twice with the other dose) really helped. I worked both nights, and felt pretty good. Sunday morning I was not even thinking about the baby (I don't feel it move yet obviously, and if I'm feeling good, I sometimes forget that I am pregnant which is a great sign I think about what it says when I am feeling good-I'm really feeling good huh?!?!?), and just out of the blue felt like something was really wrong. My coworker who has a fetal doppler wasn't due to work again until Friday night, and I was scheduled off on Friday night, and besides, my OB appointment was on Friday, I'd have Dr. A check everything out at the appointment. I'd listened to the baby two nights prior with the coworker's doppler and the baby's heartbeat was 160's, so I had trouble figuring out why I felt like something was wrong. Except that when I really thought about it, I had been feeling better for a couple of days. Did I subconsciously think that maybe something was wrong because I was feeling better? I don't know. Maybe.

Come Monday, the nausea was back which was reassuring. Tuesday I was throwing up again despite the zofran. The 8mg dose works for about 5 hours and I can only take it every 8 hours. To be honest, Jack spit something back out at dinner and it was running down his chin which triggered my episode on Tuesday. Lovely. Wednesday I got sick again. Good. (I'm really not a sadist, but it was reassuring). Friday was my OB appointment. I'd worked Thursday and Friday night, my nurse came Friday morning first thing after we'd both gotten off of work to get my IV. I required two sticks from her on Monday morning, and even though she got IV's in two people without pulses Thursday night on the first try, it took her two tries on me again Friday morning (she is a trauma resus nurse and a paramedic). She said my veins are deceiving. I thought I'd take a nap between her visit and my OB appointment, but I had some energy and thought I'd put together our new carpet cleaner and clean my living room carpet. I showered and we went to my appointment. We waited an hour past our appointment time (and I suddenly remembered why I always tried to get the first appointments of the day when I was pregnant with Jack, LOL) before we were seen. She did a quick exam and we asked questions we had in her office afterwards. I asked about the plan for these IV fluids, and I think we're all hoping that since I'm not as sick as I was with Jack, that perhaps this will not last as long as it did with him either. We're hoping for only a few more weeks of this mess. The plan is to keep doing the peripheral IV's at home for as long as my veins will cooperate, and if I'm still sick and the nurse can't access me, then we'll move to a PICC. I'm really hopeful that this nausea won't last too much longer. I was really excited last weekend when it was getting better (until I got that dreadful feeling). She didn't doppler the baby's heartbeat, and to be honest, I forgot to ask her until I was on my way home and talking to my mom on the phone. She asked what the heartbeat was and I thought, shit, she didn't listen to it! I obviously felt like I was sick enough that I wasn't too worried about it later in the week.

We got home about 2pm, and I was beat. I started my IV fluids, and went to sleep and besides getting up to stop my iv fluids and go to the bathroom, I was out cold until Saturday morning. Which is how I managed to forget my progesterone. So Saturday morning I noticed a little spotting when I took the progesterone. Two hours later, it was heavy spotting and I thought, freaking great, I really should have had Dr. A check the heartbeat yesterday. Damn! I debated whether I should go out to the Inner Harbor and walk around with the boys. We had wanted to check out the submarine and one of the ships down there, and maybe rent a paddle boat. I thought about calling my doc, but all that would do is probably land me in L&D to get checked out for a few hours, and that wouldn't be any fun, and I hate feeling like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I really thought it had to do with missing the progesterone on Friday, so I decided to go with the boys and try to enjoy my day. As the day went on, the spotting got lighter. I will call my doc on Tuesday to ask if I should expect that when I stop my progesterone next Sunday, if I should expect to spot for a few days and at what point I would need to call her.

We took a bunch of pictures yesterday, but I forgot about my hand with the IV. I have stockinette over it so it just looks like maybe I have a bandage on my hand since I always tended to think people with IV's in and walking around outside the hospital had left the hospital when they weren't supposed to and were using it for bad reasons (thanks to working in an inner city with rampant drug abuse). I know, not nice, but that's what I used to think until I myself had an IV at home, LOL. However, because I forgot to hide this hand in the pictures, I can't post them on facebook because if people ask what I did to myself (I'm a big klutz and am always doing something to myself unintentionally), and I don't want to have to lie, and I'm not ready to tell the truth yet either. I've told a few more people at work, but it's not "out" yet. Hopefully I will remember to hide my hand in any pictures tomorrow so I can post them.

I feel "bigger" but not by much, not enough that I think in general anyone would notice except to think I was eating too much crap, but my mom said she notices a little difference, however, she knows I'm pregnant too. According to my scale, I haven't gained or lost in two or three weeks (before that it showed I'd lost about 4 pounds), but according to my endocrinologist's scale 3 months ago, and the OB's scale on Friday, I've gained 3 pounds. It's hard when you're not being weighed consistently on the same scale. Even at the OB's office, they have a scale in every room, so you're not always weighed on the same one. I picked one when I was pregnant with Jack, and if there wasn't another patient in that room when it was time for me to go back, I'd ask to be weighed on that scale as often as possible. I may have to do the same this time. My OB thinks I need to gain a minimum of 15 pounds and to gain up to 40 would be normal, but I'm overweight to begin with, and I had read that if you're overweight, 11-24 should be the goal. We'll see. With Jack, I was sicker, and lost a bunch, gained it back, and by the time I delivered, I was 6 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.

Our first trimester screening for Trisomy 13, 18, and 21 is this coming Friday. We declined genetic counseling, as we went through it with Jack, and didn't really see a benefit to doing it again since there aren't any real syndromes in our families. I have an aunt with Trisomy 21, but my grandmother was advanced maternal age at the time that she was pregnant with her, and we know that's a higher risk. To be honest, Down Syndrome doesn't scare me. I grew up with an aunt who had it, and I know the spectrum of problems we can anticipate possibly seeing with it, and it's something we can handle. The thought of Trisomy 13 or 18 scares me because we already have a child, one who is too young to understand death in it's entirety, but old enough that he will remember this child. It's not like he's a year old, and probably won't remember, or won't be as involved. How do you explain to a 4 year old that his baby brother or sister will likely not look normal, will be sick, and will only live for maybe a year if it lives at all? I don't know, and I can only pray that this baby is healthy, and we won't have to have that conversation. We will get the blood test and the nuchal translucency ultrasound done. If everything looks good on Friday, we will feel comfortable with facebook and the people we're not close to knowing that we're pregnant. At that point, we'll be 11 weeks and 5 days.

I'll try to update more regularly, but if nothing is going on this week, I probably won't until Friday's ultrasound.