15 weeks 0 days

Today I am 15 weeks exactly. I do have a few things to report. As of Friday, if I hadn't thrown up, I would have made it 3 weeks. The fact that I almost made it that far, is great. I was so hopeful however to be able to be done with these IV's. A week and a half ago, I honestly thought I'd go to the OB appointment and be able to say I didn't need them. Then last week the nausea was back with a vengeance, late Wednesday night I started with a sore throat, by Thursday night was starting with a cough, and with the nasty cough, gagging. I've thrown up twice in the last 3 days, but honestly, I think alot of it has to do with the post nasal drip, and the coughing triggering it. I wasn't feeling great earlier in the week with the nausea, but I think I probably could have kept from throwing up, MAYBE. One morning I went to my mom's office to pick up Jack and told her I felt like I was going to throw up, and she told me to go do it in the bathroom before I got on the road. But the point is to NOT throw up, and I was bound and determined to keep it in as long as I could. Can't say I didn't try.

The acid reflux has also kicked up a notch. I remember toward the end of my pregnancy having to sleep sitting up on pillows in my bed because if I didn't I'd wake up choking on my own stomach acid in the middle of the night, not being able to breathe, and then throwing up. I'm not that bad yet. However, if I lay down, I'm in such bad pain it's ridiculous. Two tums (used to be my go-to) only cut it for about 10-15 minutes and then I'm back in pain again. Milk occassionally helps, it's hit or miss. I may try Maalox next. I don't want to be taking anything like zantac on a regular basis, I just want something for when it's really bad and Tums won't cut it.

I went to my OB appointment on Friday. She didn't measure me, or even palpate my abdomen to see what I was talking about, but she tells me that it's certainly not my uterus that I feel at my belly button. She said it's a fluke. I told her I can feel it plain as day. She assures me it's not, that my uterus is only a few inches above my pubic bone at this point, the only way it would be at my belly button at this point is if my dates were wrong (which we know they're written in stone, no mistaking that), or if I was pregnant with multiples which we also know I am not. So I have no idea what it is I can feel, but I will tell you that it stays mostly on my right side (where I felt the pop a few weeks ago with all that pain-she said that was probably ligaments stretching) and if I push on my right side, I can feel something on the inside (not on the outside) bulge over to the left. It also continues to rise in my abdomen, a few weeks ago this non-uterus was below my belly button and now it's not. No idea what it is if it's not my uterus, but I'll just take her word for it. She is the expert after all, not me!

She did doppler the baby's heartbeat which took a little work to find (maybe because she was looking right above my pubic bone and found it about an inch or two down from my belly button), and it was 149. It's getting lower and lower as the baby gets bigger. Not sure what that means for the gender. This baby started off in the high 160's, at our first trimester screen and ultrasound was at 157, and now is at 149. Crud, speaking of the first trimester ultrasound, I forgot to ask if she had my bloodwork back! I will call tomorrow. She told us to schedule our anatomy ultrasound and next OB appointment for 4 weeks. We will know whether this baby is a boy or a girl on August 25th!!!! We cannot wait.

I worked Totswap again this week, and again, I refused to buy anything for the baby. I saw a ton of cute stuff, but I really won't need many boy things if it is a boy because I saved most of the baby stuff and haven't sold it yet. However, if it's a girl, I already have images of cute little dresses, skirts and outfits swirling around in my mushy brain! The next Totswap sale is in October, so I will definitely be able to shop then.

If you haven't already, I have a poll on the right side of the blog for the baby's gender. You have just over 25 days left to vote, so please make sure you do!!!

So Unhappy...

Last Thursday afternoon, I got a bill from our fertility clinic. It was for a little over $2200. Hello! So on Friday, I called the billing department to find out what these charges were for, and I was informed that $1000 was for our copay for our cycle, and one was for $1250 for the cryopreservation for our embryos. Do you remember this post where they had told me that I wouldn't have the full $1000 copay because our insurance doesn't cover thawing of the embryos and so I would only be responsible for the $530 for that???? Yeah. I also was told before we did our first cycle of the year that cryopreservation was covered which I thought was odd, but I had the financial coordinator double check and she assured me they cover it.

So, I got on the phone with the financial coordinator who had taken over for the one who told me that the insurance covered cryopreservation and asked her to look back in her records for what was actually said. She found that it was covered 80% and we'd be responsible for 20%. This takes that part of the bill down to $250 we should owe. I forgot to ask her about the copay, and called back again yesterday, and finally heard from her today. She was the one who had told me that we wouldn't have the copay and on the phone today she told me that was correct because our insurance doesn't cover thawing. I explained to her that they were telling me that I did in fact owe this money, and they'd already appealed it twice to the insurance company. She called their managed care department and called me back and told me that they consider it to be just like an IVF cycle because one of the billing codes was for embryo transfer. So, I owe this $1000. Shouldn't she have known this before our cycle? We asked specifically for them to double check so that we wouldn't have any surprise bills. And the bill for the cryopreservation, yeah, that happened back on March 2nd, so what's the hold up? Anyway, I guess we're going to be out some money.

Disney is cancelled. It was cancelled before this, but there is no way it could happen now. And I have to call the guy in charge of billing for cryo and embryo storage tomorrow to get him to resolve the other $1000 of the cryo bill. Ugh. Wish people would get their stuff straight the first and second time you ask them to make sure the info is right.

Thanks for letting me vent! I will say that while these bills coming in flat out suck, Archie put a good spin on it. At least we have something to show for these bills coming in, it's not like we're getting these bills unexpectedly and it being a slap in the face when the cycle failed. He's so right. I'm done venting, and will get on it with it now!

13w4d

I haven't thrown up in almost 2 weeks, how awesome is that?!?! I still have bouts of nausea, although yesterday I thought I was finally over that hump. You see, in the last week I've been taking my zofran once, maybe twice on a bad day. That's a big improvement for me. All of a sudden yesterday it was like a switch was flipped and instead of being nauseated, I was ravenous. No joke, I could have eaten everything I saw (except for the things that repulse me), and still been hungry. Until last night. We had lasagna for dinner, and like I've mentioned before, tomato based things like tomato sauce, just don't sit well with me this pregnancy. I had lasagna a week ago though and it stayed down and I'd even had seconds, so I thought maybe this would be ok. After dinner I debated whether I should have even eaten the lasagna, or if my nausea was because I was still hungry. Then I was dealing with bad heartburn. I didn't eat because until yesterday, small meals stayed down, large meals didn't, and I didn't want to tempt fate. I felt miserable all night, and it took me forever to fall asleep, even after I ate some Tums like they were candy to try and help with the heartburn. I woke up throughout the night with acid reflux that tempted me to throw up, but I didn't. All day today my stomach hasn't been right and I've gagged a few times, threatening to end my NON-THROWING UP streak.

In other news, there is definitely something "there". I can feel it when I try to sit up or bend over. Something popped and hurt like heck the other day when I bent a certain way, and I had cramping and round ligament pain all night that night at work, but that's better thank goodness. But, you can feel how the lower part of my abdomen beneath my belly button is harder, and it definitely doesn't give when I bend over, so there is something growing in there, getting bigger, and I'm noticing the difference. Jack and Archie also notice it and are very affectionate towards the little popsicle. It melted my heart the other night when we were getting ready for bed, and Jack told me he wanted to sing a song to the baby. He seems to be going through a phase where he is getting shy when people watch him, so he told me he didn't want me to "smile, laugh, or look at me" while he did it. I thought to myself, "But you're being so darn cute, that may be impossible" and tried to put on my best poker face and not look at him. He then proceeded to sing in a whisper "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to my lower belly. I cannot convey how incredibly cute this was. I told him I thought the baby might not have been able to hear his whisper, that he should sing it louder, at which point he said, "Yeah, it can't hear me because it's in your belly!!!" I couldn't figure out how to explain that actually when it's bigger and still in my belly it will be able to hear his voice, so I just told him that I was sure the baby heard him and enjoyed his song, and silently wished I'd never told him that I thought he needed to be louder than a whisper.

I'm still not doing too well with my water intake. I knew I needed more last night after dinner but with my stomach being so sour, I was really afraid to attempt it, and it just continued all night last night and today. I tend to do alot better with my water intake at work and in the heat. My theory is that when it's hot, obviously you get thirsty, but at work in the hospital the air is so dry, and so I am constantly thirsty, and I find that when I leave work in the morning even after 48 ounces of water, my throat feels like I need more. So work isn't necessarily a bad thing for me especially when it comes to needing to drink more.

I see my urologist tomorrow and will discuss stopping the IV fluids next week if everything continues on the path it is, and then my next OB appointment is next Friday, July 29th (also my sister's 29th birthday!). I haven't heard anything from the genetics counselors, so I'm hoping it doesn't mean something is wrong (we heard back in a week with Jack, and we are at 2 weeks now with this one) and they are waiting for my doc to tell me. That said, I hope she has some results from the bloodwork that she can share with us. I'm also curious to find out where my uterus should be measuring. I realize that you get bigger quicker with subsequent pregnancies, but I'm just wondering what is normal at this point. With Jack, she told me at 20 weeks, my uterus should be at my belly button level. It is 1cm beneath that now which is where I was at about 19 weeks with Jack. It has me a little worried, but I'm trying not to worry too much until I can ask my OB if it's normal for a second pregnancy to have my uterus measuring that large. I'm also going to talk to my OB about possibly stopping the fluids and hopefully she and my urologist will both be on board and feel that I'm at a good enough place to do this.

12 weeks 5 days

Not much new here. I stopped my progesterone and del estrogen shots, spotting started before they were ever stopped, and it's been off and on, but nothing to worry about. If I can make it through the rest of the day, then the last time I threw up would be a week ago-YAY! I'm still nauseous, but it tends to be worse in the afternoons/evenings than any other time of day. I am taking the zofran whenever I start to feel "off" and most of the time, it at least takes the edge off.

This week I worked Totswap which is a huge kids consignment sale in our area. It goes to 3 locations, and I have worked 2 of the 3 this year so far, the other one I won't do because it's too far away and just not convenient for me. When you volunteer, you get earn a higher rate on the comission of your items you sell. So I usually volunteer for two 4 hour shifts to earn the higher rate. You're supposed to cancel your shift 24 hours prior to the start of the sale setup if you're going to cancel on them. So the night before-no joke, 11:15pm, I get an email from the organizers saying that they had just found out that the location for the sale this time didnt have any air conditioning. Are you kidding me? We were in the middle a heat wave earlier this week!!! And I'm already on IV fluids. I talked to the nurse who came to start my IV Wednesday morning, and he suggested I call my doc and ask them to order me an extra bag of fluids for this week since I'd pretty much be replacing what I was already losing through sweat and the heat. My OB did it, but also thought I probably shouldn't do the sale. She's right, I shouldn't have, but it was too late for me to cancel. I made it through the day fine with some really lame looking neck coolties (hey, it worked) that you soak in ice water and they plump up and keep you cool for about a half hour. I drank 2 liters of fluid in the 4 hours that I was there on Wednesday and never went to the bathroom until 2 hours after my shift was over, so I guess I was just replacing what I'd lost. I didn't feel too bad though, and I tanked up with fluids when I got home. I did the sale again yesterday and while it was still really warm in the building (about 5 degrees cooler than the day before), I didn't use the neck ties, I drank 2 liters of fluid, and I went to the bathroom twice while I was there, so I think my fluid status was pretty good. I gave myself more IV fluids last night and again today. Back to the normal routine next week.

As far as this pregnancy there are some similarities and yet some differences from my pregnancy with Jack. The smell of just about anything cooking, but particularly meat cooking still turns my stomach which was the same as my first pregnancy. My sense of smell is definitely in overdrive, and I don't remember it being like this with Jack. I mean, yes, smells bothered me with him, but I smell things now and am instantly gagging.I am definitely not as sick as I was with him which is great (throwing up 5 or 6 times a day was really overkill). I remember very early in my pregnancy with him, Taco Bell was the only thing that worked to tide my nausea over for a little while. That lasted until about 8 week and then nothing was appetizing and I couldn't even walk through a grocery store to go shopping with Archie without embarassing myself. I craved nothing else through my pregnancy with him except for sleep-it was the only time I felt decent. With this baby, for about a week, I craved Triscuits and squeeze cheese (I know), and ice cream has been a constant craving for me, but I'm careful not to overdo it. I will admit that in the beginning, I visited a local ice cream shop on an almost daily basis for ice cream. Now I haven't been there for about 3 weeks to a month, and I'm doing just fine :) I crave Fruity Pebbles and Fruit Loops for breakfast. I can tell you that I CANNOT tolerate spaghetti sauce or tomatoes. It's the strangest thing because a few weeks ago I could, and I loved tomatoes on my salad, and then the other day, it all came back up. Won't make that mistake again! I'm loving cantaloupe, grapes, and baby carrots. And this is completely random, but I noticed it on July 4th when I HAD TO HAVE IT, my favorite snowball flavor is usually Rootbeer, but all I want now is Skylite snowballs (which I usually do not much care for). Matter of fact, that snowball/ice cream place is close to the library where I have a book on hold to pick up, and I'm thinking it sounds mighty delicious!

I had an endocrinology appointment for my thyroid earlier this week. I was excited to go and be weighed (I know, goofy isn't it?) since I figured it would be a pretty consistent scale. I forgot my doc switched offices, but this is a brand new scale and it matches what my scale at home does, so total, I'm down 3 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm still up 9 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight with Jack, but hey. But, I'm starting to be able to eat more than one meal a day now, so I expect my weight to go back up soon. My thyroid was quiet, and he said essentially I am showing no signs of Grave's disease right now, so that's great. He did say that my TSH was a little low, but that's totally normal for even pregnant women without thyroid problems. I have to get labs done again in about a month, and my next appointment with him is in 6 weeks. He said I will probably be able to come off of my medication at that point, and I will still have to be closely monitored (even more so after delivery where he said things can get really wonky), but I will be able to be off of the medication.

I was due for an appointment with my urologist this morning, but his secretary called me this morning to cancel as he had a death in the family last night. I am rescheduled to see him next Friday morning.

Next Saturday, Archie, Jack, myself and my father are going to make the 11 hours in one day trip to visit my Grandmother for an hour. This is the one I have written about before who has really bad dementia. Last time I saw her was November, and she thought I was her neice and that my Grandfather was alive (he's been dead for 18 years). It was a really hard visit as this was the worst we'd seen her mentally. Her kidney disease is getting worse, but she's not at the point where they would think about dialysis (if she was healthy, she's not and would never be a candidate at 92 years old, but even if she was healthy, she's not that far yet to be considered from what I can gather). Every time I go up, I wonder if it will be the last time we'll see her, and it makes it really hard when I can tell she's slipping further and further away. I'm looking forward to seeing her, but not at the same time if that makes any sense.

We forgot to take a belly pic at 12 weeks, so we took one today. I will tell you that while I look pretty pregnant, most of the top part of my belly is just fat (I thought I looked pregnant before I ever really was), and whatever has been pushed out of the way and up by my growing uterus. The lower part of my belly is mostly baby with at least a layer of fat over it, LOL. My uterus is about an inch below my belly button which has me a little worried that either this kid is going to be really big, that I might have gestational diabetes (with Jack, I failed the first test and was sure I'd fail the second but didn't), or that I might have polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid). I know, I'm a little paranoid being an NICU nurse, I can't help it. I also know that your uterus gets bigger quicker with subsequent pregnancies, so maybe that's it, but I still can't help but wonder if this is normal. With Jack I wasn't up to my belly button until 20 weeks and that was normal, and now I'm 2cm below it, that's normal for an 18 week pregnant woman!!! And yes, I'm sure there is just one in there :)

First Trimester Screening

Over the last few days I started to get that "full of dread" feeling back. I have no idea why because the last couple of days I have felt absolutely miserable (not throwing up, but felt like it was going to happen any second), so it wasn't because I was feeling better this time. Maybe it's because we expected to see what resembled a baby this time, and I was worried we'd see less than that, no heartbeat, and have to deal with that while we have Jack excitedly waiting to see his baby. And last night when I as laying really still, no joke, and I realize it's probably all in my head, I swear I felt this baby move. It was right where my uterus is, a few inches below my belly button, and it was not off to the sides. I swear I felt it, I know it's probably in my head, but I really thought it was the baby. I just laid there and thanked God for the reassurance.

Well, as we pull into our parking spot today, Jack asks if they're going to take the baby out for him to see. That was adorable. I explained we were going to be looking at the baby on the screen again, that they wouldn't take the baby out until it was born sometime (hopefully) after Christmas. Now that we had the logistics out of the way, it was time to go see our popsicle and check up on it.

The baby is measuring 12 weeks 1 day which is about 3 days ahead. This is great. Jack was always a little on the smaller side. They said it was about 5cm from crown to rump. Heartrate was 157. It has a nasal bone (which I learned today that the lack of the nasal bone is an indicator for Down's Syndrome), and the fluid behind the neck measured 1.3mm (Jack's was 2.5mm) and normal is less than 3mm. We got to see the baby's brain, stomach and bladder, so all looks normal there, and what I thought was an arm on the second picture is actually the spinal cord (brighter white streak going down the baby's back). I swear it looks like an arm, but she assures me this was a sagittal view (which is basically like if you cut the baby in half, and look at it from that way) and it's not the baby's arm.

And last but not least, the "coming out" picture with Jack holding a picture of his baby brother/sister.

They did look at my ovaries (which were trying to hide, and darn that hurt!), and they did check out the rest of my uterus, and they do still see the subchorionic hematoma. They said it wasn't really big, but hadn't resolved, and that the doc may want more follow up done on it. I'm ok with that if it means I get to see my baby again before 8 more weeks have passed!

Reassuring Update From the Fabulous Dr. A

I tried calling my OB's office yesterday, but all day long it was the answering service. Guess they took an extra long holiday weekend! But I did finally get through after lunch today and left a message with Dr. A's secretary. In case I haven't mentioned enough how much I love my OB (seriously, I couldn't wait to be pregnant and one of the reasons was so I could go see this woman every couple of weeks), I really do. She is always perky and upbeat, even when you're sitting there feeling like you might just puke on her shoes. She'll even tell you her own stories from when she was pregnant in the hopes of making you feel better. In true fashion she didn't let me down today.

She just called me back, and I explained that I hadn't taken my morning dose of progesterone on Friday because I knew I was having an exam and swabs done (I'm late on my annual exam), and didn't want it to interfere with that, so I had held off, only to crash when I got home from being up for 22 hours, and forgetting to take my evening dose. I explained that Saturday morning I had heavier spotting which did lighten up throughout the day after taking my progesterone. I wanted to know how much spotting I should expect after I finish the progesterone next Tuesday, and at what point I should be concerned enough to call. She told me that since Dr. M had seen a spot on ultrasound that he thought might be where the spotting was coming from it was probably a subchorionic bleed, and that that clot was going to have to leak as it liquified and come out one way or another, and that honestly the missing the progesterone on Friday and spotting that ensued was probably just a fluke because the clot has to dissolve and come out anyway. She said that the progesterone takes over between 8 and 10 weeks, so the progesterone I'm taking now (or lack thereof, I should say) isn't what caused the spotting, it's probably just this clot dissolving.

As far as when I should be concerned-if it's red bleeding like a period, then I need to be seen for sure. She said she's there Monday to Friday and if I need a sanity check, she'd be happy to do that for me. She said she scanned herself every Monday when she was pregnant with the girls until she could feel them move, and she'd be happy to do that for me if I need some reassurance. She said we've invested so much in getting pregnant, that she has no problem doing that if we need/want it. Have I mentioned that I LOVE this woman? She said the spotting (brown) may continue until the clot resolves, and I shouldn't worry about that, but could always get checked if I was concerned. I wish Dr. M had said to me, "you're going to spot off and on until this thing resolves but it's not worrisome unless you've got bleeding like a period." I would have worried still, but wouldn't have freaked out and gotten myself worked up everytime I saw it.

In other news, it's Wednesday. I was supposed to get an IV placed today by another nurse (mine is working), but after no calls, no visits at noon I called the agency at which point they called the nurse who was supposed to come out and she left me a message at 12:30. I called her back, got her voicemail, and told her not to bother because I asked for an early morning appointment since I have to work tonight, and at that point if she came out, got the IV in successfully, I wouldn't have enough time to run the fluids before I needed to get ready for work tonight. My nurse called me back from work this afternoon and the other nurse said she'd left me a message at 8:30 this morning which I told her wasn't true because #1-I was up at 8:30 and none of my phones rang, and #2-when I woke up at noon to pee, and checked my voicemail and phone for missed calls, there weren't any.

My nurse is coming to start my IV tomorrow morning and I'll just run fluids tomorrow myself (guess no getting in the pool for me AGAIN on my day off), and I'll run them again probably Friday afternoon (ultrasound in the morning and lunch plans with a friend I haven't seen in a few months!). I also won't be making it to the pool this weekend since I have to work, and again Monday since I'll have another IV! Oh well. Maybe if I can get my nurse to come really early Wednesday morning to put in another, I can take the one on Monday out after the fluids and actually enjoy my day by making my Jack happy by going to the pool and getting in (not dangling my feet in the water). And I'm off Tuesday (although signed up for OT), so I might get two days out of it. Wednesday I have to be at the Totswap consignment sale by 10am, so I'd have to have the IV put in early, or just bite the bullet, skip swimming and keep the IV in from Monday so I can run fluids in the afternoon. We'll see, play it by ear, but make a tentative plan with my nurse. Wish me good vein luck for tomorrow's IV please!!! Really hard to act like it doesn't hurt in front of your 4 year old who likes to watch!

It's Been a While-11 Weeks Pregnant

I know it's been a while since I posted. There's a few reasons for that. First is that no one likes a whiner. And I didn't want to get on here and whine. Then I felt good for a few days, and had an overwhelming feeling of dread wash over me at 5am one morning while I was playing a game online, not even thinking about the baby. I got scared and had no way to ease my fears. It was just easier to withdraw and not talk about it, hoping then I wouldn't think about it. But my nausea returned and so did some reassurance. I had my OB appointment on Friday and was going to post, but I hadn't slept in almost 24 hours and sleep won out. Then yesterday was my birthday, and I found myself with heavy spotting in the morning which after my progesterone did lighten up throughout the day. I spent the morning anxious but went out to celebrate the day with Archie and Jack and tried not to think about it (every time I ran to the bathroom to check and make sure things were OK). Then last night I really didn't feel good and that is a whole story unto itself. I think things are probably fine.

So let me update you on my week. I felt better come Friday and Saturday of last week. I think the increased zofran dose and the fact that it dissolves in my mouth (so I can't just throw it back up as I had at least twice with the other dose) really helped. I worked both nights, and felt pretty good. Sunday morning I was not even thinking about the baby (I don't feel it move yet obviously, and if I'm feeling good, I sometimes forget that I am pregnant which is a great sign I think about what it says when I am feeling good-I'm really feeling good huh?!?!?), and just out of the blue felt like something was really wrong. My coworker who has a fetal doppler wasn't due to work again until Friday night, and I was scheduled off on Friday night, and besides, my OB appointment was on Friday, I'd have Dr. A check everything out at the appointment. I'd listened to the baby two nights prior with the coworker's doppler and the baby's heartbeat was 160's, so I had trouble figuring out why I felt like something was wrong. Except that when I really thought about it, I had been feeling better for a couple of days. Did I subconsciously think that maybe something was wrong because I was feeling better? I don't know. Maybe.

Come Monday, the nausea was back which was reassuring. Tuesday I was throwing up again despite the zofran. The 8mg dose works for about 5 hours and I can only take it every 8 hours. To be honest, Jack spit something back out at dinner and it was running down his chin which triggered my episode on Tuesday. Lovely. Wednesday I got sick again. Good. (I'm really not a sadist, but it was reassuring). Friday was my OB appointment. I'd worked Thursday and Friday night, my nurse came Friday morning first thing after we'd both gotten off of work to get my IV. I required two sticks from her on Monday morning, and even though she got IV's in two people without pulses Thursday night on the first try, it took her two tries on me again Friday morning (she is a trauma resus nurse and a paramedic). She said my veins are deceiving. I thought I'd take a nap between her visit and my OB appointment, but I had some energy and thought I'd put together our new carpet cleaner and clean my living room carpet. I showered and we went to my appointment. We waited an hour past our appointment time (and I suddenly remembered why I always tried to get the first appointments of the day when I was pregnant with Jack, LOL) before we were seen. She did a quick exam and we asked questions we had in her office afterwards. I asked about the plan for these IV fluids, and I think we're all hoping that since I'm not as sick as I was with Jack, that perhaps this will not last as long as it did with him either. We're hoping for only a few more weeks of this mess. The plan is to keep doing the peripheral IV's at home for as long as my veins will cooperate, and if I'm still sick and the nurse can't access me, then we'll move to a PICC. I'm really hopeful that this nausea won't last too much longer. I was really excited last weekend when it was getting better (until I got that dreadful feeling). She didn't doppler the baby's heartbeat, and to be honest, I forgot to ask her until I was on my way home and talking to my mom on the phone. She asked what the heartbeat was and I thought, shit, she didn't listen to it! I obviously felt like I was sick enough that I wasn't too worried about it later in the week.

We got home about 2pm, and I was beat. I started my IV fluids, and went to sleep and besides getting up to stop my iv fluids and go to the bathroom, I was out cold until Saturday morning. Which is how I managed to forget my progesterone. So Saturday morning I noticed a little spotting when I took the progesterone. Two hours later, it was heavy spotting and I thought, freaking great, I really should have had Dr. A check the heartbeat yesterday. Damn! I debated whether I should go out to the Inner Harbor and walk around with the boys. We had wanted to check out the submarine and one of the ships down there, and maybe rent a paddle boat. I thought about calling my doc, but all that would do is probably land me in L&D to get checked out for a few hours, and that wouldn't be any fun, and I hate feeling like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I really thought it had to do with missing the progesterone on Friday, so I decided to go with the boys and try to enjoy my day. As the day went on, the spotting got lighter. I will call my doc on Tuesday to ask if I should expect that when I stop my progesterone next Sunday, if I should expect to spot for a few days and at what point I would need to call her.

We took a bunch of pictures yesterday, but I forgot about my hand with the IV. I have stockinette over it so it just looks like maybe I have a bandage on my hand since I always tended to think people with IV's in and walking around outside the hospital had left the hospital when they weren't supposed to and were using it for bad reasons (thanks to working in an inner city with rampant drug abuse). I know, not nice, but that's what I used to think until I myself had an IV at home, LOL. However, because I forgot to hide this hand in the pictures, I can't post them on facebook because if people ask what I did to myself (I'm a big klutz and am always doing something to myself unintentionally), and I don't want to have to lie, and I'm not ready to tell the truth yet either. I've told a few more people at work, but it's not "out" yet. Hopefully I will remember to hide my hand in any pictures tomorrow so I can post them.

I feel "bigger" but not by much, not enough that I think in general anyone would notice except to think I was eating too much crap, but my mom said she notices a little difference, however, she knows I'm pregnant too. According to my scale, I haven't gained or lost in two or three weeks (before that it showed I'd lost about 4 pounds), but according to my endocrinologist's scale 3 months ago, and the OB's scale on Friday, I've gained 3 pounds. It's hard when you're not being weighed consistently on the same scale. Even at the OB's office, they have a scale in every room, so you're not always weighed on the same one. I picked one when I was pregnant with Jack, and if there wasn't another patient in that room when it was time for me to go back, I'd ask to be weighed on that scale as often as possible. I may have to do the same this time. My OB thinks I need to gain a minimum of 15 pounds and to gain up to 40 would be normal, but I'm overweight to begin with, and I had read that if you're overweight, 11-24 should be the goal. We'll see. With Jack, I was sicker, and lost a bunch, gained it back, and by the time I delivered, I was 6 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.

Our first trimester screening for Trisomy 13, 18, and 21 is this coming Friday. We declined genetic counseling, as we went through it with Jack, and didn't really see a benefit to doing it again since there aren't any real syndromes in our families. I have an aunt with Trisomy 21, but my grandmother was advanced maternal age at the time that she was pregnant with her, and we know that's a higher risk. To be honest, Down Syndrome doesn't scare me. I grew up with an aunt who had it, and I know the spectrum of problems we can anticipate possibly seeing with it, and it's something we can handle. The thought of Trisomy 13 or 18 scares me because we already have a child, one who is too young to understand death in it's entirety, but old enough that he will remember this child. It's not like he's a year old, and probably won't remember, or won't be as involved. How do you explain to a 4 year old that his baby brother or sister will likely not look normal, will be sick, and will only live for maybe a year if it lives at all? I don't know, and I can only pray that this baby is healthy, and we won't have to have that conversation. We will get the blood test and the nuchal translucency ultrasound done. If everything looks good on Friday, we will feel comfortable with facebook and the people we're not close to knowing that we're pregnant. At that point, we'll be 11 weeks and 5 days.

I'll try to update more regularly, but if nothing is going on this week, I probably won't until Friday's ultrasound.