Thursday, December 31, 2009

Looking to the New Year

I have had some time to think about this year and the new one quickly approaching. This past year had some great times, but it was also a hard year.

This year, we started out optimistic that we would get pregnant again when we did our second IVF cycle. As we all know, that didn't happen, and it was devastating at the time. We had new hope with the prospect of adoption, but trying to scrape together $20K by saving when you're already tight proved to be impossible. Fundraising wasn't easy, and while we probably would have kept trying to hold more, we really felt that saving money to have them, and then essentially gambling that money away hoping that a fundraiser would be successful was just not something we could afford to continue. That was really hard to deal with as well. My grandfather hasn't been well for a while now, and my grandmother on the other side of my family landed herself in a nursing home after a stroke. None of these have been easy things to deal with.

We have been lucky enough to be able to really enjoy our son this year. He makes everyday one that I look forward to, if for nothing more than his hugs and kisses, and to see what new phrase he'll have that day. Usually we have lots of laughs with him (unfortunately today was one of those days with a 3 year old where it was lots of frustration instead!!!). We've been able to go to his preschool parties for the different celebrations, go on field trips, see his class sing at church, and watch them put on their Christmas program. All of these things were very special moments for us, and we made a lot of great memories.

My cousin who lost her son last year, is pregnant with his little sister this year, and is due next year! Both she and the baby seem to be in great health, and we're so excited to meet the new little one. We also had a few friends who had new babies this year, and a friend who has had a hard time with losses is pregnant again, and thankfully everything seems to be going as it should at this point. We're hopeful that Eliana arrives in March healthy as can be, and that our friend who is pregnant again brings home a healthy child next year as well.

We are going on a cruise with my mom and sister in mid-January, and that may very well be our vacation of the year. Usually we go to the Outer Banks, NC in the summer, but with needing house repairs, and then money for either another IVF treatment or to put towards adoption, it is more likely that we will go camping in the summer or fall instead, unless some of our friends and their kids want to go in on a rental at the beach with us. Anyway, Jack is very excited about the "big cruise ship!!!" that we'll be going on, and we are all looking forward to making fun memories with him in the carribbean. After that none of us know what will happen.

I am a planner and I always feel like I need to have a plan. At the moment, the plan is to wait and see what our taxes look like, get our roof repaired, perhaps set some money aside for any other emergencies that may creep up (all of our appliances like our heat pump are as old as the house and we're on borrowed time!), and then see where that takes us. I will be doing my urine test for my urologist so we can discuss whether it would be safe for me to go off of my medication and try IVF again, and if so, I'll be making an appointment to see Dr. M. If not, we'll just keep living life as best we can, taking things as they come along.

My prayer for the new year is for my family and friends to be healthy, happy and loved. I could say that I pray for another child, but so does everyone else with IF. Sure, I want another child, but I also want to do what's best for my family as it is now. I want to not take my family for granted, and to make many fun memories for our son. I also pray for more of my sweet boy to show through than the devilish one that has taken over his little body for the last week or so!!! Ha, in all seriousness, I pray we figure out how to better manage the normal 3 year old moodiness.

God bless, and I wish you all a happy and safe new year!!!


  1. Hi! Thanks for commenting on my blog. Oh wow, the uncertainty is a huge killer isn't it? I'm the same way, have to have a plan and have had to work hard at letting go through the adoption process since that's a whole lot of crap out of my control. (oh and a little p.s. the loss wasn't mine or anyone I'm related to - H is a fellow Jazz.ercise instructor I subbed for because she had been spotting.)

  2. Happy New Year! (I'm a little bit late...) I hope it's a good year for you!

  3. You asked me to email you, but the post you left was a no-reply and your blog doesn't have an email address....

  4. asked about Samuel and Jesus...found picture on someone else's blog and they said I could use it since it looks so much like my son. Sorry I couldn't be of more help. God bless.