The morning sickness (anytime sickness) has arrived. YUCK! I felt like dirt Saturday and Sunday, but was rather excited when I woke up yesterday and found that most of the day I felt fine (I was a little lightheaded at times, but nothing horrendous). However, within about an hour of getting to work, I felt barfy. I now am the proud owner of a couple of small trash bags (just in case), and was lucky enough to score my spot in isolation (a room of a couple of patients away from other coworkers) so that if I did happen to get sick, it wasn't in front of half the unit.
I find myself in a catch 22. I don't have much of an appetite, but if I don't eat, I feel like poo. If I eat every few hours, I feel better for about a half hour and then feel like I'm going to regret eating at all. It's awesome!
I don't mean to complain, trust me, I'll take this and the rest of what comes with it in a heartbeat for a healthy little one in January. Jack may never snuggle with me again (he lives in perpetual fear that I will "frow up" on him anytime I feel like this) which will break my heart, but it's still worth it. If I can, I'll just hide it from him as much as possible because my favorite thing to do is snuggle with him. To be honest, as twisted as it sounds, this nausea is reassuring for me since I've been terrified we will get in for our ultrasound next Monday and see that there isn't a heartbeat. So the fact that I'm sick makes me feel slightly better anxiety-wise.
We've decided on how we want to tell Jack about his upcoming change in status. Archie thought that he could videotape me from the waist up, with me telling him that something exciting is happening, and then pan out to include the ultrasound picture, but I feel weird about doing that for a few reasons. First is that the image will stay on the screen so long as the PA doing the ultrasound has the probe in an unmentionable place. Second, it's not really going to look like a baby much at this point. To be honest, I don't want anyone else around for this moment. I don't want anyone else to hear me awkwardly stumbling through the words and emotions of telling Jack he's going to be a big brother. So, I came up with the idea of "the baby" writing Jack a note telling him that he's going to be a big brother and how excited the baby is that it gets Jack to fill that special role in it's life, and everything that Jack can do with it once it's here, and that the baby hopes Jack will come take a peek at it on the next ultrasound in a few weeks. "The baby" will also be sending a special gift for it's big brother in the form of a train shirt that announces it (which he can wear to school and to playdates with friends who already know our status). We will videotape me reading the letter to Jack and his reaction. I'm not sure when I'll actually send those pictures out to anyone (I may post it on here, but I'm still not sure when I want everyone at work to know). I guess when it starts to leak at work (a few people know, but so far, not the majority by far), or when I'm hurling in front of people, the cat will be out of the bag, but I'm not one to stand at the nurse's station and say to the other 15 nurses standing there, "Hey guys, I'm pregnant!" Nor am I one to announce it on facebook. Eventually the picture of Jack's announcement will make it's way onto facebook, but it won't be until the cat's out of the bag at work.
So that's my update for now. I really don't want you to think I'm complaining. I knew this was part of the package, and while I hoped this pregnancy would be different (and it still could be, with Jack the morning sickness lasted until 36 weeks, with any luck this will be done in about 6 weeks time!), even if it's not, it really is ok. It doesn't mean I won't whine from time to time, sometimes you just can't help it when you feel miserable, but don't ever mistake my whining as being ungrateful for the gift we've been given. I cannot thank God enough!
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