This blog is meant to be like a journal of our infertility journey, and about growing our family. My views may not be the same as everyone's, and my feelings are expressed in this blog without filters. The feelings and things that come along with infertility aren't fun, they're not pretty and sometimes they're downright ugly. That said, it is not my intention to offend anyone.
For those who have been following on my other blog about my friend L, her babies were born yesterday, safely and healthy! My friend is also doing great and getting to know her new little blessings. Thank you for the prayers!
So I started this new blog because my last one it turns out was circulating around work, and I had not mentioned names of people, but had described my relationships with them and in an effort to be a little more careful so that I can feel like I can openly discuss my feelings and not have EVERYONE there know my business, I've moved. I don't mind people from this blog looking back at that one, but I do mind some of the coworkers reading this one. If you happen to be one of my few friends at work that I have shared this new blog with, please be careful to delete it from the history on work computers, or just check it from home. I work on a unit of about 104 people, and I heard that about roughly half have been checking up on it. Hence, my new blog. Welcome!
In case you are just now finding my blog, here is some back story. Originally I started blogging after we had a hellacious IVF cycle early last year. We had done a different protocol than we had originally when first cycled. Our first IVF/ICSI cycle was a lupron protocol. This last one we tried the Antagonist protocol because our fertility doctor felt that they could more easily control my risk of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) with it. With our first cycle we had 18 eggs retrieved, 11 were mature enough for ICSI, and 8 fertilized. We put two embryos back on day 3, and let the rest grow until day 5 hoping for some blasts to freeze. They all teetered out. Our second cycle we had 9 eggs, 6 were mature enough for ICSI, and 3 fertilized. The day before our scheduled transfer, we were called and informed that all 3 were "genetically abnormal" as they all had multiple nuclei. Our cycle was cancelled. Happy Anniversary to us, yes, it was cancelled on our 4th wedding anniversary.
We moved onto domestic adoption, chose our agency, and had begun fundraising to help us with the costs. We had a great turnout at our first fundraiser, and an awful turnout at the second which cost us everything we had raised the first time around. We got a letter from our fertility clinic telling us that they were merging with another major clinic in the area. After contacting them we found out that we'd pay far less to do another cycle with them than we would for adoption. Then we got more information from our insurance that actually will allow us to another full cycle with just the copay coming out of our pocket. So, this is our current plan for hopefully later this year. If it doesn't work, I think we will call our little family complete and continue to feel blessed that we have our one little boy to love.
I tell ya, this week getting back to straight nights has been rough. I long for my nice warm bed and heating pad by the time 3am rolls around, and by the time I actually get home, it's my total focus. Twice this week I nearly missed PT appointments because I came home, cleaned up and got ready (and once, I even got in my pj's and actually into bed) for bed only to remember that I had to go to PT.
Anyway, I went in yesterday and my physical therapist had called out with an emergency and I was seen by another one. She tells me that she is a hand therapist (maybe they pick their specialty like we do at work?), and assesses my range of motion. I thought it odd as I hadn't asked her to do this, and my therapist had just done measurements on my wrist motion earlier this week. Regardless, I was interested to hear what she thought. She thinks I will get back all of my pronation and supination, and I have most of it back now. She said I have about 10 degrees to go on supination. She also told me that my flexion is great, and that she feels like she can push my extension about another 10 degrees and then she hits an "end point". She thinks it will only get minimally better. I'm disappointed to hear this. I mean, I realize my doc said 80-90% is what I could expect to get back over the next 12-18 months, but is that really only 10 more degrees until I am there? I can't force it obviously to be any better than what it is going to be, but I guess I just expected it to be more than she was talking, and not to really be thinking I'd see it so soon. She doesn't think it will inhibit much, she thinks I'll be able to compensate because I will have the full supination and pronation, so I guess if I'm trying to take something positive I will take that, as well as the fact that I get most everything else back fully.
I saw my doctor on July 2nd-he cleared me to go back to work full-duty on the 9th! So, Monday night I will be back to my regular job taking care of little babies again! I asked how much range of motion I can expect to get back in my wrist, and he said 80-90% and it will take 12-18 months to really know how much I will get back. He said waiting for it to get better will be like watching grass grow. I'll bet. In the meantime I remain in PT 3 days a week until he thinks I am strong enough to go.
I now have 12 coworkers who are pregnant. I'm happy for them, but praying, wishing, and hoping for it in my own world. That's all I will say about that.
My friend L's c-section is scheduled in just 9 more days! She is now 36 weeks (almost 37), and her babies will be here so soon. I'm so excited for her!
Now that I will be back to full duty, I can begin to pick up overtime. I've signed up for a few shifts at work and through the agency, but they are not guaranteed. I've considered applying for a per-diem job at another hospital, but I have no idea what their weekend and holiday commitments are. I already work every third weekend, and every other holiday at my regular job. Most per-diem positions I've seen have some sort of commitment, whether it be one weekend a month, or one summer, one winter holiday a year. I do not want to have to be away from my family when my husband is off of work even more than I already am, and I most certainly do not want to work yet more holidays. This is where doing agency is nice-you don't have that commitment, you just don't sign up for those shifts. Per-diem shifts also are not guaranteed-you are the first to be cancelled because you're paid more than regular staff. I've been offered a position doing phone triage nursing. They want me to take calls from parents calling pediatricians after hours from 11pm to 10:30am. The pay isn't great, but if I can stay home and take calls, it might be worth the extra money. I just am not sure how it will work on days when I have to get Jack up for school, get showered, etc., when calls are coming in. And during the summer when less people are sick, I may only get a few calls a night, and in the winter, it could be non-stop. I figure I can try it, and if I hate it, I can quit. I hate going into it with that attitude, but it's an unknown. All I know is that I need the extra money to get our finances back to where they should be, and then get together the copay for another IVF cycle. There are lots of little things I need to take care of before we can even concentrate on saving for that. Things like my spare tire that has a nail in it which means that it needs to be replaced because they can't fix donuts. None of our electrical outside seems to work, so we need an electrician to come out and take a look at that. Lots of little things like that need to be taken care of.
I think that's all I have in the way of updates. If you'd please keep L and her family in your thoughts and prayers as D day approaches that everyone would be healthy, and that there be no complications with delivery, that would be great. For us, if you could just pray that I get the extra shifts to take care of our "little things" so we can move onto a bigger thing, we'd really appreciate that. We know that God will provide and we just continue to pray for that.